A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has recently moved in with me. Before this happened, we saw each other mostly on the weekends because of the distance we lived. Our sex life was great. However, it completely stopped once he moved in. After battling the many reasons as for the cause, we finally came to the conclusion that he may be suffering from impotence. I have been very understanding and supportive of this issue, however, it has been very difficult for him to face it. His biggest issue is to confirm it with a doctor, but now it is really starting to affect me. He explained that his ego has gotten the best of him and he cannot bring himself to admit it to someone else. So far, he printed out a list of doctors in this area, but that was several weeks ago. I have found myself becoming withdrawn and depressed, although I know I should not show this, but the fact that he has not attempted to seek help is what upsets me. I don't know how to handle this. We have been living together so far for three months, and what I expected to be the "honeymoon" phase, has turned into nights of cold and empty unattachment. It is not so much the sex, but the total lack of any intimacy that hurts so much. He rationalizes that he does everything else he is supposed to but I am only looking at the bad things. Am I supposed to except the fact that he may or may not seek help for this? Or that he should take his time and wait until his ego gets over it? We had plans to get married and try to have a baby, but now it doesn't seem like that will be the case. Please tell me what I should do.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2009): Of course given the age you've listed he does need to see a doc and make sure something physical isn't happening. But honestly I'd be surprised if that was it. You said you had a great sex life until you moved in together. The coincidence is just a bit too damning, I'm afraid. It's more likely that his impotence is mental rather than physical -- i.e. it's not high blood pressure, diabetes or other physical causes of erectile dysfunction.
He moved in to your home. It might just be that he feels he's lost something important to him, living in your home. I strongly suspect that real, candid, honest discussion will be more useful than Viagara.
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