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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyf of 3 1/2 years is driving me mad! In the past Ive caught him lookin at Page 3 about to masterbate whilst he thought I was asleep. Ive caught him looking at it on the internet and during an argument about it he admitted the evening before he had masterbated whilst looking at page 3 girls on the internet- his reasoning being that it was 3am I was asleep and he got horny so sometimes when this happens blokes need a bit of material! I hate it when he buys the newspaper cos I feel he is then going to use it to masterbate, I dont trust him on the internet and constantly check what he is looking at. I know that its something blokes do but I cant help feel betrayed, it is on my mind all the time and all he says is that I need to deal with it its part of him. Our sex life is ok he pays me attention sexually still but it just creeps me out! We are expecting our first child and Im worried that this prob is driving me from loving him the way I used to..What the hell can I do to stop feeling like this??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): Listen, let you self respect win this battle. Tell him clearly its the porn or you...
NO woman should have to put up with this crap. Its time women started having some self esteem and demanding men grow up and treat them and all women with respect.
Come on girls stop accepting this crap from men
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): It's stil pornography. It's still him wanting other women to fulfill his sexual needs. It's still him not loving you in the verb sense. He may love you but has a poor way of showing it.
You are right in that if he is with you and wants a life with you, he would be willing to hear that his masterbating to other women hurts you to no end and that you consider it him being unfaithful and he needs to stop.
He is still stuck in "me" mode and needs to gear up and step up to "we" mode.
I am going to suggest couple's counselling. A counsellor is effective and has experiences with such things. A counsellor can teach and instruct you both on how to overcome this problem and give you hope. A counsellor will be supportive.
You are not the only one who feels the way you do when they discover their boyfriend, common law, husband is addicted to porn and uses porn to entertain their lustful needs. And I don't care what other people will tell you; it is wrong.
Where has gone the self restraint and self discipline?
I hope things work out for you and do take care of yourself and the babe.
*hugs*
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): I am the person who posted this problem and just in response to Juliette, thanks for your kind reply. The 3am thing was a one off - he works some late shifts occasionaly so would only get home about 130am and stay up for an hour or so. I dont think he is getting in anyway addicted to porn! I appreciate your comment " for goodnes sake he isnt with another woman..", This is what im looking for I think some re-assurance that men do this type of thing and that he isnt betraying me. Thanks. x
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A
female
reader, immuno +, writes (9 August 2006):
 Has the problem just started since your pregnancy? Maybe he doesn’t want to wake you because you need your sleep? Perhaps he is afraid he will somehow hurt you and the baby during intercourse? He needs to understand that you feel uncomfortable with his actions. Pregnant women often times do not feel comfortable with their growing and changing bodies and this could also be making you feel somewhat less desirable. I think other pregnant women are beautiful but I thought I looked horrible. Sit him down and calmly explain to him everything you are going through, he should come around.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (9 August 2006):
 I think it is a two fold problem from both sides. I think he needs to recognise he is on a pathway to addiction. Porn is OK in moderation but getting horny at 3am nearly every night is like waking up an hour before your alarm goes off, it's a brain thing. As for you, I understand you feel betrayed but for goodness sake he isn't with another woman and he is entrusting you with the truth.
I suggest you try to come to compromise with him where he recognises his habit as getting potentially out of control. What is making him horny at 3am when he should be asleep? Could he go to bed a bit later so he sleeps through instead? Could you look at you thoughts when you build up this resentment and ask yourself why? Would you prefer him to wake you? What solution do YOU suggest if you accept being that horny is something he has to address one way or another that is acceptable to you?
If you can meet each other half way then you both may get some peace.
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