A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over four months now. Last night my boyfriend and I were laying in bed and I've been wanting to tell him I love him... I finally got up enough courage to do that. I said it and I got a lot of sweet kisses and touches but no I love you back, which is ok. I would rather him mean it, but now I'm afraid I may have freaked him out. He is still married, but they are seperated for little over a year now (his wife currently lives with her boyfriend). I'm afraid I may have scared him into thinking I want marriage and all that hoopla, which hopefully a long ways down the road will happen, but not asap. I hope he knows that. This morning he acted normal pretty much. Do you think I may have said it too soon? How do I know if he's freaked out? Should I have waited? I just feel bad now that maybe I shouldn't have, but those were my feelings.... what do you guys think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much for your responses... my boyfriend asked me if i remembered what i said last night and i said yes and he asked me if i was sure and i said yes... he said he is afraid of getting hurt again, and he said not that he thinks i will... he says he is thinking it too but it will take him a little time to say it.... i'm ok with that...
thanks so much for your answers and support!
A
female
reader, pastfirst +, writes (4 February 2009):
 Just relax.
Telling him you love him if you really do is fine. Men have difficulty expressing their feelings and just because you've told him, doesn't mean he has to tell you too.
In the mean time just show him how much you care for him and be satisfied with kissing and touching. Just be patient.
As you say, it may be too soon for him to make a commitment.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (4 February 2009):
 I dont think it is too soon, you have waited 4 months and that is long enough to be sure of your feelings for someone!
I think you are right in worrying about his last marriage; I imagine he has strong feelings for you but is worried about getting involved with someone again after his marriage ended in seperation.
If I were you, I would be pleased he didnt say something typical like "thanks" or "I love spending time with you too". He needs his own time to say it, and I am sure he will feel slightly under pressure now to say it as he will be aware of your feelings too.
I dont think he is freaking out, unless he is very good at hiding it. If he were freaking out then he would be ignoring you, trying not to spend any time with you etc.
You were right for telling him how you feel - telling someone you love them is hard to keep in when you really feel it! I guess now you just have to wait; maybe wait around 2 weeks and if he has still not said anything to you then maybe you need to talk to him about it.
Sit down with him; tell him you hope you havent scared him by saying I love you. Explain that you said it because it is the way you feel but you understand if he needs more time and that there is no rush for him to say it. Tell him you love the relationship the way it is and have no desire for anything to change for the forseeable future. This should reassure him and then hopefully in time he will say those magic words back!
Good luck!
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