A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi all.I need some help. I have been with my bf for 2 yrs we always talked about marriage, when i sat him down he told me he wasn't ready to be engaged. So I was ok with it but he got mad cause he wanted me to be devastated. Should I stay with him because he is't ready, if a guy claims he loves you knowin that every man wants you, wouldn't he want to get engaged? I truly love him, i do everythig 4 him. I am independent, pretty, spiritual, 4.0 student at college, I work, im athletic, nice , unique, decent, non-churlish eveything. He does get upset cause he has to put up with guys nagging me everyday, but wouldn't that want to make him want to get engeged because I love him. He is the only guy I talk to. Im down for him, ain't like he attend college cause all he do is work. even though he is un-motivated I still love him.cons:He doesn't listen to me, gets mad easily, hang up da phone on me, doesn't call often, doesn't keep his words, doesn't put effort anymorepros:still do 4 me wen i ask, faithful, nicei tink he jus want me around because he doesn't want to lose a great catch, i am his 1st serious girl by da way.he was my 1st bt we are not intimate anymore, cus im not into that. since i tried sex 4 da 1st time, im willin to abstain again untill marriage. he has no problem wit dis. he is nt about sex cus we were 2gether 2 yrs before we got intimate. i knw he loves me bt y is dat he dont want to get engage.i dont believe a girl should have to wait on a guy.i know this girl who's bf gave her a promise ring, dude love her so much he want to marry her, even though she played him, he found out and still forgive her. even in his worse he want to marry her. he dont want to let her go.My bf's excuse was that he ain't doin good 4 himself, he want to be able to provide 4 me 1st, he gets pay $500 every week plus i do 4 myself. i dont ask him nor my parents 4 money so wat he talkin about provide 4 me? i take good care of myself, been doin so (and i'm only 18) from since i was small. i started workin frm 14 (he is 22 by da way). so i guess he jus threw that lie for excuse because i always tell him i am willin to tutor him spanish , french, maths, bio. or watever, he is jus not motivated. i pushd him 2 go to college bt he doesn't want to. i told him i believe in us progressin 2gether.i thought any guy would have been happy to have a girl who can have any man she wants bt chooses to be with only him ,even in his worst, guess i was wrong. he called me frm work 2nite 9 30 and told me he was cumin here bt never did.we see each other everyday and even wen i have to work or he has to work we still see each other in da night.should i leave without telling him, avoid him, dont speak to him even when he comes around cus i feel im wastin my time, i have also told him this.??(he is wastin my time.sorry for the long post. thanks in advance
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (23 May 2009):
 I don't think you're ready to be married either.
In your post you talk about your schedule, your desires, your wants...what about his schedule, his desires, his wants? He was honest with you and told you what he needed to do before he was ready, but because it's not OMG RIGHT NOW you're ready to throw out the whole relationship?
Marriage takes a lot of hard work and compromise. If you can't work together through this disagreement, you probably would be better off alone. You seem to be more in love with the idea of marriage than ready for the real thing.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): thanks you all for answering my question. I truly love him, I do,bt I just thought he wanted this as bad as me bt I was wrong.
sugar sugar- i am not happy with his behavior bt wen i told him i dont want to marry him anymore, he got upset, throws things in my face and tells me he is not going anywhere. Well i'll be giving him his space, i think we need it.
silvershocker: mayb u r right, it might b worth it then again it might not.im totally focused on school so im takin a major step back from him.
keepitreal03- the problem is he said im da only girl for him that he wants to marry me bt im not willing to wait on him because i don't want to put so much effort in it anymore, atleast if he truly loves me tings would work out.but he doesn't try to fix our arguments im always the 1 who wants to fix things and he told me i'll neva find a guy like him. he is my 1st everyting so i told him i dont care about other guys i jus want to be alone.
thanks again guys.
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A
female
reader, keepitreal03  +, writes (22 May 2009):
U said I girl shouldn't have to wait for a guy?? Its a forever its a big step. Its something u both have to want. He is suppose to want it as much as you do when the time is right. Women are always ready before men most of the time. You don't wanna force the issue cause that will scare him. There's no rush and other couples make date a year and get married but to me that's not long enough. I've been in a relationship 5 years and we both are 100 perecent sure that's what we want. Willing to except flaws and all. U have to go through things hard times to really c how things will work out so when u get married u have beeb through it all and can handle anything that may come ur way. So I think he loves u but wanys to make sure he's ready for it even though he had talked to u about it doesn't mean he has to act on it.
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A
male
reader, silvershocker123 +, writes (22 May 2009):
You don't sound ready to be married and well judging from you age you are not ready to be married. From the self-appraisal at the beginning of the page it seems so that you seem too focused on just your surroundings rather than it being anything mutual.
From another stand point could you imagine his view of how he sees the world. Couldn't go to college due to troubles and now he is with a girl much younger than he is. So to have him be confused with marriage now is simply not the best thing to do. When he feels that he is ready he will and that's part of the scheme...you know the spontaneous guy drops down on his knees and asks the question....blah blah blah....wait for it i am sure like the movies it'll be worth it.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (22 May 2009):
 Honestly, from your post you don't sound mature enough to be engaged. I think you both have a lot of growing up to do.It seems like you feel he should be so grateful that he has you that he should want to lock you down straight away. Personally I think that's an unhealthy way to look at what should be an equal partnership.As for leaving without telling him, avoiding him, not speaking to him? This is why I suggest you are not mature enough to take the relationship to the next level. Stop playing games, work out what it actually is you like about him - as you don't seem to value him very much, and resolve the problems you have by discussing them.You are 18 - 21, you don't seem to be happy with his behaviour in the relationship so WHY do you want to get engaged to him?
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