A
female
age
30-35,
littlesuziepie
writes:HelloI am dating a 25 year old man. Sometimes we have great sex but more than the great sex its bad. He will get aroused at first but when we ingage in intercorse he loses it and sometimes he looks akward and laughs. He does masterbate a lot and hides it and he has a very kinky drive. Domination and golden showers are his favorite. I am not very comfortable dominating him I'd rather be dominated and I try to please him but its not working. Why is he thus way and mostly can we have a good relationship even though the sex isn't good. I don't want him looking for a dominatrix and me a new lover on the side. Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, WizardOfWaz  + ♥, writes (15 June 2008):
 I don't think his porn viewing is all that relevant. Obviously he can masturbate whether he views porn or not but as you have said the problem is concluding the actual sex act.
This could possibly be because he has anxiety's about your tolerance, rather than actual enjoyment, of his personal fetish's. And another reason could be that he sometimes actually enjoys the the dominmatrix thing more than the sex act itself.
It might help if you could try to seperate what he likes and what you want into different sex sessions. That is; one day you do the dom thing for him and niether of you bother too much whether he goes up or down as it's his play time not yours. Then the next time you reverse it round and he does all the things you want and only what you want.
The problem here to a certain extent is that you both like the same thing (albeit maybe different extremes), but you can't both try to be doms at the same time. That's just comical at best and irritating at worst. So perhaps it is wiser that you both agree just to take equal turns at the bowling rather than fighting over who gets the bat.
Regards
Waz
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): HMMM! what am i doing here..well having read a bit of that, i would say...your doing a lot to help him...and dont neglect yourself..sounds like he probably gets off on porn too much...you should talk to him..
sex is not love...
as a man, i think perhaps he likes what your doing top him but also probably wants to be dominant as well..so just say to him after a bit of play...right...now i want you to 'f*** me..and go submissive for him..!
either way...
love is glue that binds and makes sex sexy and fulfilling
good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, Yos  + ♥, writes (6 June 2007):
 It sounds very possible that he's looked at a lot of porn. Side effects like losing your erection can be caused by this: basically he's just not turned on enough without the porn. The same with the taste for kinky stuff: porn tends to desensitize men to sex, meaning that they can end up wanting harder / more explicit / kinkier stuff.
There could of course be other reasons, but this is a distinct possibility.
...............................
A
female
reader, littlesuziepie +, writes (5 June 2007):
littlesuziepie is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for writing
...............................
A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (5 June 2007):
 I think this guy is a loser, sorry, yeah he is addicted to porn and has so many fetishes (things that are not related to sex become sexualized and thus arousing) that he no longer is turned on by human touch and worse emotions.
I would be running as fast I could, but then maybe you are having fun figuring him out and making him your next project...what ever.
...............................
A
female
reader, Helen Help! :) +, writes (5 June 2007):
 Hey well 1st just let him know u feel a bit uncomfortable doin this but with sex ya have to give and take jus experiment handcuffs r rather dominating just handcuff and blind fold him and have your wicked way with him see how you feel about tht hopefully with him not bein able to see u ull feel abit more confident. also if the sex is bad your not communicating enuff u need to tell each other wen things r nice and when things r not that way hell no not to do the bad things and itll all be nice if you dont tell him hows he suppose to know? if hes doing something nice and u think of something that would make it nicer suggest it to him im sure he'd try it and then you can tell him if it feels better or worse good luck have fun :)
...............................
A
female
reader, littlesuziepie +, writes (5 June 2007):
littlesuziepie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI will try to make him happy I put the cuffs on him and give him a few good smacks to the face and get into it tease him and he seems ready to go but when I get on for the ride he loses it. Even if I try just giving him oral or hand love he loses it. Is it that its another person and not his own hand that's doing it? I know he was really shy at first and worried that he wouldn't do it for me being that I'm older and more expireanced. I am almost convinced that the internet and his fav porn store ruined him for any woman. Could this be true has this been known to happen? I guess that's my question. Thanks for your help!! Please reply
...............................
|
