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He lied, he cheated, now I wonder if he'll ever contact me again

Tagged as: Cheating, Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 January 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 13 January 2009)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I was talking to a guy on eharmony for 2 months over a long distance. We spoke every day for 1-2 hours, sent emails and cautiously acknowledged that there is a lot of potential for long term. He came to visit me for three days and had a fantastic time. He told me he was going to another city to spend time alone and get away from his family before going back to his job overseas. I come to find out (through the wonders of facebook) that he went to see another woman and he lied to me about what he was doing. I was very upset, and told him that I could never trust him again, I couldn't believe anything he ever told me (cause apparently he was telling the other woman pretty much the same stuff) and I didn't know if I could get over this, but I cared about him and although unsure of what I wanted wasn't ready to make a decision. He said he was confused, got his heart broken in September and spent the better part of two months weeping in a dark room, and wasn't sure he wanted to talk to me anymore (like I was the one who lied). We talked for a total of 6 hours over three days after this happened, then I find out the other woman is going to visit him and is literally counting down days and minutes on her facebook and myspae pages. He has since blocked me from his facebook page about four days ago. I have made no attempt to contact him since we spoke 6 days ago, and I don't see myself contacting him, even tho his birthday is Sunday. My question is, what is he thinking, and will I ever hear from him again? Maybe this is just to soothe my wounded ego, but I really want him to try to contact me and make it up to me. But I will not be the person to reach out first. He's closed that door pretty firmly.

View related questions: facebook, long distance

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009):

Oh, by the way, there is probably no way to be sure what he is thinking, but I wouldn't second guess him or wait around for an apology.....the beauty of on-line dating is you can just say NEXT!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009):

I have had no experience with eHarmony, but I have dated briefly on didn't work for me....I met some really nice men though, but it just seemed so forced to me to meet someone that way with the expectation that I was trying to find my mate and so were they.

I guess it works for some, but I think that you can put too much pressure and expectations on a person you meet this way. You have to expect that he is going to date other women he meets on this site.....your mistake may have been to stop looking and dating others when the two of you were on a dating web-site. The whole point is to date for the fun of getting to know different people, then at some point if you get together and find that you are wanting the same things, he has to ask you to stop dating other men, or ask for a commitment from you. Did he do that? If he didn't then I don't think you have any reason to be angry at him or chastise him or punish him or not trust him.....he should have been more up front with you that he was dating around, but he may have just been afraid to do so from your reactions, I am not sure though as I don't really know what was said on both your parts.

Any way my point is, take things slowly and continue to date others until you get a commitment from the one you want.....

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A female reader, coRnfused United Kingdom +, writes (13 January 2009):

He doesnt deserve one minute of ur thoughts! what an asshole.

U can never really trust ppl u meet off the internet.

I met a really nice guy, we lived in different parts of the country but we got on really well and planned meeting eachother.. We were pretty much together, without ever meeting. We were realllly close, but then we had a fight, he got sick, didnt talk to me or reply for a week. He sent me an email saying he had been really sick in bed all week. Then I never heard from him again.

I checked his profiles and it said he hadnt been online since.

He didnt even respond when I sent him a post letter asking if he was ok...

I was so sure he was the one for me, and i lost it. I still dont know why!

Maybe he wasnt the person I thought, or maybe he is dead.

All I know is that my heart is broken.

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