A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband started to smoke after we had a big fight. He did it and said he did it to spite me. He knows how i feel about smoking. I was raped by a man who smoked and that is the one smell I just cant be around! everytime i am it triggers horrible memories...and I have told him this before. He always says he will quit, but it is always lie afeter lie and he tries to hide EVERYTHING!! He just doesnt take it seriously! he says its no big deal, he not hurting me...but he is and i tell him that but he just dont care!i understand how hard it is to quit, but i have offerd supprot, we bought candies to help and finally he started to chew(which really is no better) its grose and a huge turn off!! every day after work he comes home with crap in between his teeth and a nasty smell in is mouth. i hate kissing him like this too!!!shouldnt he respect my view of him? am i over reaccting like he says i am? im also worried about his health! its just not good and a huge turn off!! how do i approch this without hearing the same old "its not a big deal as you make it out to be"he wont even compromise. i thought i could live with him chewing (not that i want him to ruin his health) but it becomes more and more often and he thinks its ok. we decided that only while he is at work...well that lasted only one lie before the compromise was over.this really hurts me and causes alot of friction with us because he doesnt believe me when i tell him how much it turns me off and how much i worrie about it...also where there is chew there is always a ciggarett "slip" which he tries to lie about and cover up...but with my experiences, i can ALWAYS smell even one puff and my stomache just churns. does he not think of me and how he will be hurting me when he does this? i need help, this causes big explosive fights (every time i talk to him he thinks it is torture and he explodes and says hurtful things all in the defense of a ciggerette and chew! arent i more important? cant he find will power for me! i tell him that i am always there for him and i would always encourage him and acknowledge him when he was "trying" to quit. please help me maintain a healthy realtionship.
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at work, kissing, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, scrdofyou +, writes (16 October 2008):
 well I would just bring it down to that stuff or you. simple as that, ask him where he went, ask him why he changed so much.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe never smokes or chewed before we got married...it started when our second baby was born! he was actually as against it as i am!! and he has asmah and all sorts of allergies!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2008): He has to quit because he wants too, not because of you. What I would do is print of leaflets of anti smoking, you know the horrible pictures. Put them around your flat. Fcat is, you married him and you knew he smoked then.
This reminds me of a sex and the city episode! The man wouldn't date Carrie unless she stopped smoking!
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A
female
reader, scrdofyou +, writes (13 October 2008):
One thing that could help is if you brought him some facts, such as chewing is WAY worse then smoking and it also causes cancer that eventually rots away your mouth. look it up on the internet, call a doctor, maybe that will show him how horrible it really is. if he still doesnt care, then just tell him its you or the chew [haha] and if he goes for the chew, then well you'd have to handle that. I wish you luck.
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