A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I argue all the time about work that he is supposed to do around the house. We have been together 5 years and live together. It really upsets me when he yells at me. Then, he always wants to break up as being the only resolution to the argument. I think he feels guilty because he thinks that I feel like he is not doing enough. I don't know what to do. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): Thanks for all the helpful answers. I will try different approaches to working with him. I espec. liked the response of the guy that said "There is nothing worse than someone saying I don't do it like that, you've got to do it my way." I think there is a lot of that going on. It must be a guy-thing, I guess. Thanks for being so perceptive!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): THIS ANSWER DRIVES ME CRAZY
Try saying see if you can get a few things done around the house today darling. and peck him on the cheek like you care.
Try saying thanks for doing that. When he does something, and not looking around for what he hasn't done, or done right.
Youve created a situation where you are treating him like a child.
And if you assign a job over to him, its up to him to decide how to do it.
There is nothing worse than someone saying I don't do it like that, youve got to do it my way.
He thinks everythings not up to standard.
Why not work this to your advantage let some of the work pile up, and live in his world for a bit, you can alway go back to yours, later and do a few jobs together.
Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): It is a typical thing for the partner to turn the whole thing around. If he wants to go then let him. Idol threats. This is a typical couples arguement, so dont worry you are not alone but dont let him make you feel guilty. Tell him to get off his bum and get something done or he is out the door.
take care
xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): I am sure your not the only couple who have these arguments!
I am thinking that perhaps it is the way you are asking him to pull his finger out and get cracking. I would suggest trying different approaches. Whilst I suggest that it is a pain in the you know what to feel that we need to rephrase things to get the basic message across.
Make it a list, put some things on there that you have to do and put a date for completion on specific tasks. If it looks like you have jobs needing completing as well he may not feel picked on.
His anger and threatening to leave is possibly just because he has no real excuse for why he is being lazy around the house. He doesn't have a reason why he has not done the specifics and wants to shut you up!
the two of you should a list, make it fair, have a reasonable time frame for completion and ask him if he is happy with his jobs.
You need to wait and give him a chance without getting on his back to get the job done. The list will be there and he can't say he didn't agree.
If he is not keen on this ask him to come up with a more constructive solution. I think your problems are about effective communication and what works in your relationship, for both of you! Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, legacy +, writes (31 October 2007):
You know what my wife would say? She would tell me "Well then leave if that's what you want." And you know what I would say (at least to myself): Wait a minute, she's supposed to feel threatened and scared not give me that answer. It's B.S., give him the choice.
...............................
|
