A
female
age
26-29,
*ueenoffools
writes:So I've been in a relationship with this guy for about a year and a half. I have a 7 month old child with him. I just moved into my own condo. He does not live with me due to his alcoholism. I was at his house visiting him and watching the football game with him. I didn't know he was drinking. My son was at my mothers house. I told him my son needed new diapers and he flipped. he got in my face and called me a "cunt" so i slapped him, he threw a lighter at me, and an air freshener bottle,a few seconds later he punched me in the left side of my face, leaving my face red and swelled. I stormed out of the house, later on I find out he threw an ash tray at his aunt.I'm confused, I know what he did was wrong and he's not allowed to see my child undtil he goes to rehab for his drinking or AA, but was it my fault he hit me? Did I deserve it? What shoud I do??
View related questions:
moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): it is NOT your fault. you should not have slapped him, but he should not have flippedor hit/threw stuff at you. he needs help, but not from you. leave him and avoid all contact with him until he is better! you should report him to police because what he did was abuse. you do not deserve to be with a jerk like him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): Its not your fault he hit you although you did contribute to it. He is an abusive alcholic and that needs to be readjusted. He needs help for the tact that he has hit you once its not gonna be the last time if he docent get help. knowing his condition you Should also try not to do things that will provoke him so he doesn't get violent if he hits you again in his right mind I advice you leave him COs it wont end
...............................
A
female
reader, metalheadmom +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Let me make sure I read this right - you asked him for diapers - you didn't hit him, you didn't turn the T.V. off and get in his face, and you didn't pull a knife or gun on him. Right?
His reaction to your interrupting his game, was calling you a "cu". Sure - that makes perfect sense. He had every reason on earth to react that way, right? No, and alcohol does not excuse it. Your reaction to his insult, was to instantly let him know you did not appreciate that by slapping his face. Did you have every right to do that? No. Slapping anyone in the face is one of the worst things you can do to anyone. Face slapping should be avoided at all costs. Did that give him the right to return the attack? Of course not.
You knew he is was an alcoholic when you went to his house. You say this is why you two are not together. Whether or not you know when or how much he drinks, you know it brings out his dark side. Wouldn't common sense tell you it is best to stay completely out of his line of fire? Are you aware of what you tell him when you spend alone time with him EVEN THOUGH his problems separated you? You are telling him that you are weak and do not stick to your commitments, so why should he. That in itself raises his anger all on it's own.
I will never say anyone "deserves" to be physically struck on, and you make yourself in to a hypocrite by complaining he hit, because you hit too. Both of you are wrong, neither deserved to be hit.
You tow NEED to stay away from each other, and get your own personal issues dealt with BEFORE even trying to just be friends. You both have a lot of anger and blame issues going on. Get some counseling, and don't try hanging out together for at least 6 months.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (6 December 2010):
 You're both in the wrong, but he's more so in the wrong. Honestly I suggest you press charges and have him arrested. He belongs in jail for this.
I also suggest you get some anger management therapy for you. Him calling you nasty names was wrong, but so was slapping him. This isn't to defend what he did, but let you know that you're not completely free of blame here. Do you want to raise your child in a home that teaches him that violence is the answer to problems?
Violence has no place in a relationship. It doesn't matter if it comes from the man or woman. No man or woman should be hit by their partner.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): No it wasn't your fault and NO you most certainly did not deserve it. Stay away from him and make sure he does go and get the help he needs. Do not even think about getting back together with him.
The word "cunt" is simply disgusting and you don't deserve to be called such names. If he is violent i recommend he has supervised visits with your child.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Sounds like he has more problems than being an alcoholic, try anger issues.
In my opinion, any man that calls you a filthy word such as a "cunt" deserves a slap in the face. I understand that this is violence and a slap in the face is about equivalent to a kicking in the balls, but he should have been taught better by his mother not to call girls "cunts" or punch them in the face. However, not every guy is taught that well (clearly your ex wasn't) and if you hit a guy, brace yourself because you may get something in return. Also, I agree that slap in the face doesn't mean that you should get objects thrown at you or punched in the face. Doesn't measure up. Has he ever shown this abusive behavior before?
No woman deserves to be hit, especially not in that way..but in a way you did fuel the fire. Especially if he has a history of physical abuse. From now on, I would call him and tell him he needs to buy items for his son. Or nab him in child support since he feels the need to call you filthy names when you ask him to buy his son diapers.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 December 2010):
Sounds like he has more problems than being an alcoholic, try anger issues.
In my opinion, any man that calls you a filthy word such as a "cunt" deserves a slap in the face. I understand that this is violence and a slap in the face is about equivalent to a kicking in the balls, but he should have been taught better by his mother not to call girls "cunts" or punch them in the face. However, not every guy is taught that well (clearly your ex wasn't) and if you hit a guy, brace yourself because you may get something in return. Also, I agree that slap in the face doesn't mean that you should get objects thrown at you or punched in the face. Doesn't measure up. Has he ever shown this abusive behavior before?
No woman deserves to be hit, especially not in that way..but in a way you did fuel the fire. Especially if he has a history of physical abuse. From now on, I would call him and tell him he needs to buy items for his son. Or nab him in child support since he feels the need to call you filthy names when you ask him to buy his son diapers.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): It's not your fault. He has big issues. He is an alcoholic and has anger issues. Basically, do not see him except for access to your child when that is sorted out. Do not have a relationship with him at all until he has sorted out his problems. You will only end up at the sharp end of his temper, bringing up a child can be stressful and he obviously can not deal with it in a rational way. So stop trying to find fault with yourself. Your child deserves at least one parent who is stable - so look after yourself and build up your own self-esteem if you can.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (6 December 2010):
 You did nothing wrong. Do not let his actions corrupt your own view of yourself. You were caring for your child and he was foolish enough to raise his hand against you. Leave him.
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (6 December 2010):
 You should refuse to see him. IT IS NOT UR FAULT!
...............................
A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (6 December 2010):
The word cunt is so disrespectful. You shouldn't have slap him, and no way should he have put his hands on you. During my marriage (17 yrs) I never hit my ex wife. I have held her until she calmed. You need to rethink this relationship because it sounds like he cannot control himself. You really need to note this because you need to establish a pattern with this man. Why would he get upset from fathering his own kid? Answer that and you may want to get rid of him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): Of course not! People argue all the time in relationships. "Get me this, get me that. Fix the light bulb. The kid needs diapers." And you deserve a punch in the face for that? I mean you shouldn't have slapped him. Often violence initiates more violence. There is no reason for there to be hitting by anyone.
The only time I would slap and want to annihilate my boyfriend is if I found him with another chick. It was very disrespectful that he called you a cunt. Judging by your reactions on both your parts it is obvious you both come from abusive backgrounds. You both probably saw cursing and hitting in your household and that is why you both react the way you do. That is why you even question if he was wrong. YES he was. No man should ever hit a woman. Forget him, but you should get counseling for battered women and for victims of abuse. You don't want these mentalities and behaviors to be passed on to your child. These are learned behaviors. If I were you I would really consider counselling. Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (6 December 2010):
 No woman deserves to be hit by a man... ever...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): You do not deserve physical abuse, nor does anyone. Get out of this situation; protect yourself and your child.
Now!
Tante Victoire
...............................
|
