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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: ok this is probably very juvenile of me... but here it goes.i've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. he's my first boyfriend, and the only man i've slept with, we have shared a lot, and have a lot in common. however, there is this guy who introduced us, with whom i had a friendship with benefits years before meeting my current bf. the thing is i was 15 at the time, and i gave this (now ex) friend a blow job. my bf suspected i had had something with this guy before, so he asked me and i told him what had happened and he got so mad. so he started digging info about my past and i was honest (making out with two random strangers on some girl nights out.this changed his image of me, but he's been mostly tolerant. however, as he dug info about my past, i started doing the same about his... to get even, i don't know, to fight back. and so i found out he had only one serous gf before me, like 3 years before me, that they had dated for like 3 months. he says he didn't love her... she cheated on him with his best friend and he dumped her. but he got very hurt, he even tried to kill himself. they kept in touch after that and hooked up on some occassions until she moved to another city and it seems he finally moved on. he forgave her, and his friend. yet he can't "forgive" me (i haven't done anything to him). he says i've been more promiscuous than her, because at least she waited until she was 18 and in a committed relationship to become sexually active (they were each other's firsts)... he says that because i gave oral sex to a friend in a non committed relationship when i was only 15.i asked him why does he defend her. he says he doesn't defend her, that it is what happened, and that he thinks what she did is more respectable, even if she cheated on him.i don't doubt that he loves me, and i don't suspect that he has feelings for her... but why on earth did he keep their friendship? she hurt him to the point of trying to kill himself, and he was smitten even motnsh after the break up, until she moved out of town! and they were friends until recently, he stopped talking to her because it bothered me (i didn't ask him to though). but why do you think he wanted to be friends, just like that, after all she did to him? after all, he admits himself that he's a very resentful guy...i'm so jealous of her... because he forgave her for her infidelity and not me, for past that doesn't even include him. i just love him so much.
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best friend, blow-job, his ex, infidelity, jealous, moved out, oral sex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): Your past hurts him because he's a guy. He's built that way. I know it doesn't make sense to you but you're female and you're NOT built that way.
He probably doesn't want to be hurt over your past any more than you want him to be. But he can't just turn off those inconvenient feelings by choice.
It's really a sign of how much he cares about you, that he is so bothered about your past actions.
He forgave his ex because he also doesn't think as much of his ex as he probably used to, so it makes it easier for him to cope with thinking about her being with someone else. But the fact that he cares so much about YOU is what twists the knife twice as hard when it's your sexual past we're talking about.
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