A
female
age
30-35,
*jusayin
writes:I've been with this guy for about a month and a half and things have been going pretty good up until recently when I told him I was a virgin. Initially he was shocked by it because he's never taken a girls virginity and He kept saying how rare it was. Over the course of a couple days he brought it up again in a txt. And asked me if I'm really am one. I assured him that yes and asked him if that's an issue. He told me no and that it's a good thing and he said it means I respect myself. So basically thinking to myself that this was going to work out he goes from txting me everyday to sometimes, then to me hitting him up and not getting a reply till the next day.I'm also frustrated because it's been this long and we haven't talked on the phone yet. Now it's like he's backing off from me. I asked him last night what the deal was and by that I asked "how do you feel about me now" and he said I think your super cool. Of course I'm put off by that thinking WTF? Whereas before he would gush over me tell me how pretty I am and that I look good during class even when Im not at my best and says that he likes me a lot. even when I told him I was a V he said he felt lucky and one day he'll feel even more lucky one day to take it. He would also txt me everyday and when we say bye he kisses me and tells me to let him know if I got home safe. All that lasted for about 4 weeks. I never initiated any txts or anything we've hung out a total of 6 times and we see each other twice a week since we have the same class. When I questioned him he drops this bomb on me saying he likes me still but since I'm a virgin he doesn't want to rush into anything that I might regret or that he might regret and that he wants to take it slow a little bit. I'm guessing he meant sex. I'm confused because at first I was the one who wanted to go slow so because I was under the impression he wanted to be with me, and I didn't want to rush into something serious so fast and he was cool with that. Now i feel that he just saying that so he can distance himself so he can dump me. Can someone answer me this? What does it mean in this circumstance when a guy wants to take it slow. Is he really just considering my feelings? Or is he just trying to slowly dump me in a nice way. Any suggestions as to what I should do in this situation? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (12 November 2012):
I wouldn't say he's trying to "dump" you, but it's pretty obvious that his initial infatuation with you has cooled a bit. Is your lack of sexual experience a factor? Possibly - though I'll bet he's mostly using that as an excuse.
He may be concerned that you could develop more attachment for him than he feels for you if you give him your virginity. Both guys and girls tend to do that initially with their first sex partner - and then have nasty breakups when they think it was a mistake.
He may also be looking for casual, recreational, sex rather than relational lovemaking - and he doubts that you'll give him what he wants. Since you seem to be rather selective with who you have sex with, he may be afraid that you'll require sexual exclusivity from him, which he may not want to give.
Don't be in a big rush to have sex for the sake of having sex, or because you think it will make you more "adult" (it doesn't), or because you think ALL of your friends are having sex (they haven't) or because you think it will make him love you (it won't). Go through some old posts here on "DearCupid", especially those tagged "virginity" or those mentioning "retroactive jealousy". You will find many more people who think they started having sex too young, or wish they had waited for the right person; than those who regret waiting too long.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): I think it's best to take things VERY SLOWLY with this guy. Whether he is into long term or not its way too early to tell. You said yourself that you wanted to take things slowly it's only been 6 dates so I think you had your expectations too high too soon. I will back off some if I were you only to.feel this guy out. I don't know if you two are exclusive but I will keep my options open.
Your virginity is one of very few things in life that once you lose it you will never get it back. My best advice to you will be to learn what it is you really need from a significant other. What it is from him that would make happy. Trust me it takes more than a few dates to figure that out. I do believe you should slow your role with this guy until you have clear definition of.where this is going. Surely you don't want to lose your virginity to a loser. Trust me I know how that feels I regret that until this very day. Best of luck to you!
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