A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So me and my boyfriend have been having sex for about two months now. I get him ready and he gets me ready and every time we go to do it he always cums so fast before it even starts to feel good for me. It's happened about 5 times now and it's so frustrating for me. He says I turn him on a lot and he just can't wait but I've never had this problem with any past boyfriends. He recently told me he loves me so I know he really cares but I just don't get why this is happening! It makes me not want to try again at all and he says it'll be better next time but never is. Any idea of why this is happening and what can I do to make this better? Thanks! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 July 2013):
 He says he "just can't wait"? That's no reason not to attend to your needs first. You both need to get out of the mindset of the whole "simultaneous orgasm" nonsense of the movies where all it takes is some sweaty intercourse while the grandiose love theme plays (see: Titanic).
If he passes off that he "Just can't wait" and is making no effort to figure out a solution then he is selfish. I'm going to assume he's simply immature and doesn't have a clue.
He needs to finish you off before he ENTERS you. I'll say it again -- he needs to give you a full, rip-roaring toe-curling orgasm before he even places his penis inside you. It's more than "I get him ready, he gets me ready". He needs to GET YOU OFF before you go at it, which takes the pressure off of him.
Oral, digital (hand massage), clitoral stimulation plus a host of other ways can ensure that you are 100% satisfied. He needs to get a lot more creative than "It'll be better next time sweetie". You know what they say about the definition of insanity -- to do the same thing over and over and hope it yields different results.
In the meantime, before you two see each other, and a few hours before you have sex, he should masturbate to have an "insurance orgasm", which can help him last a lot longer with you when it's time for both of you. Other than that, he needs to be good at giving pleasure in ways that does not involve his penis. The majority of women cannot achieve orgasm through intercourse.
A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (18 July 2013):
You need to slow the action down. I don't think you need to "prep" your boyfriend.....I think he is already there. Girls in general need more time. You guy is "immature" to understand what your needs are. You need to show him. I think he will understand. If he doesn't you will lose interest in him and turn to someone who will provide you the "goods".Any good relationship has open and honest communication. Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2013): There are so many intimacy issues posted from young people between 18-21.
The main problem is high expectations and inexperience.
It's always the same story. He gets off before I do. That's because it's easier for men to get off than women. You may want to do some reading about human sexuality and anatomy.
Particularly about male arousal and how men perform the act of sex. Then you may need to learn more about how your own body works, and discover how to synchronize your arousal; so you both can get closer to climax about the same time.
You have to show him where you are the most sensitive, and
keep him engaged in doing anything you need him to do to get you there.
Slow him down, and make him pay more attention to foreplay!!!
That takes practice and getting to know each other. It takes patience and trying different techniques to determine what really works for you. Did I say it takes patience?
The quality of sex is dependent on the participants. They have to learn something about each other, mentally as well as physically. Sex isn't just what you do with your genitals. It includes how you get the mind and body to work together in the act of sex.
If you're just lying there wondering "when" you're going to get off, instead of being creative and figuring out "how." You two will write each other off, before you really figure it out.
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