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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend doesn't trust me, I have done nothing to break his trust. So I don't understand why he has such distrust towards me. We can talk about anything else but nothing about his trust in me. He also holds double standards, if he doesn't want me to do something I have to quit, but that rule doesn't go towards him. I really care about him, so I don't know what to do or say to make him trust me and respect my decisions. Help!! Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007): i also am going through exactly the same thing. i have never done anything to break his trust but he still doesnt trust me. i dont even see many of my male friend as he doesnt trust me with them. he taked advantage of me most of the time. i think in some cases, if he doesnt trust you its usually to do with him not being able to trust himself, most people fear in others, what there are themselves. i found text messages on my boyfriend phone from an old 'friend' but the message from her said 'i dont want to come betwen you and your girlfriend' i confronted him but he went on sayin that i shouldnt hav looked through his phone and that its 'only flirting'. distrust can come from so many area's, maybe he has a low self-esteem and thinks that is it going to happen one day, or maybe you are just very attractive and he see's the looks other men give you. i think that the only way either of us can sort this out is to try and comunicate as best we can or the relationship will suffer the consiquences. im in two minds as to end my relationship. they say that a relationship is built on trust, so if you dont have trust then there cant b much of a relationship.
A
female
reader, Tpain0145  +, writes (19 August 2007):
I am going through the same thing. My situation was more like the things I said to him verses what I've done. I've never cheated on him or disrespected him with other men; however, I've said things to him in the past that lowered his self esteem, because of this, he believes I don't love him. He also feels that he doesn't please me in the bedroom. Because of all of this, he cheated on me out of hurt. I admit I was wrong for saying the things I've said to him, because guys have this pride about their manhood, respect, and being dominant in the relationship. I don't know what to say to make it better for us other than pray and maybe go to some conseling. You see, I'm 34 and we have an 8 yr old together. I try to put more of God in every obsticle I cannot face on my own and that is my advice to you. Besides praying about it, find out if he's ever cheated on you before. That can be an issue as well. Most men tend to cheat on their girlfriends and then accuse them for doing the same things out of guilt! You have to do your homework if you want to save the relationship. You and he both have to learn to forgive and forget as well. The most important factor is COMMUNICATION!!! I stress that because talking about the main problem and getting it out in the open can keep you from being puzzled about the "what if" and "why's" in the relationship. If he's willing, talk to your church minister or counselor TOGETHER. If all fails or you don't feel that it is worth it, just let it go and go on with your life. But remember, trust is two ways. Men have an ego problem and can't seem to "shake it off" when it comes to their women cheating on them. We can forgive them over and over again, but it'll take to hell and back for them to trust us...even if they get caught. Good luck to ya!!!
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A
female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (9 September 2005):
 Well hun, if you don't "really care about him" then drop him and move on. You don't have to prove anything to him. He's being an ass and he sounds like he may be worth the effort to you. Tell him you haven't the time nor inclination to play games and kick him to the curb. Go find someone you can have a meaningful, respectful, honest relationship with...someone who is a lot more mature than this guy. You deserve to be happy so go for it, girl. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2005): Just so you know a lot of guys pull this with their girlfriends. It can be a combination of many things, he could have been hurt by someone else in the past and now he has his guard up, he wants to feel dominant in the relationship,or simply it is just his ego. Whatever the reason, it is wrong. Know that without trust your relationship will go no where. think about how many times the trust factor is present. When you both are out without each other, rumors that can circulate, being honest about your feeling. Trust is major. Therefore, you need to put a stop to his issues and his double standards, because the more it is never delt with the more fights will come about and bad things will happen. Like cheating, resentment, and finally breakup. What you need to do is sit down with your man and have a heart to heart. Ask him why he has such a trust issue and how both of you can start resolving this. Be honest about everything without getting nasty. Be sweet by throwing words of encouragement like "Listen babe this issue that you have with me has to end" or "your a great boyfriend but you not trusting me is really starting to effect me and this relationship". If being sweet and honest doesnt work then you need to consider different options that might not involve your guy. Remember being able to be honest and open is really important without that it will be hard to lead to stronger bonds in your relationship. He has to resepect you and your willingness to fix your relationship.
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A
female
reader, AsianGirl +, writes (9 September 2005):
 you should know your boyfriend's past because he maybe had his heart broken and couldn't trust easily just give him time to know you better and be patient with him, just show him how much you loved and care for him. he might give His trust to you cause trust is not that easy to build...
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