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I caught my 10-year-old daughter masturbating!

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 September 2005) 140 Answers - (Newest, 9 March 2008)
A female , anonymous writes:

I hope you can help me with this because i just dont know what to do! I have a 10 year old daughter who is very happy- go lucky and has lots of friends. Last week i walked into her bedroom to find her straddling her bedcorner and thrusting. I told her to stop right away. Why is she doing this, and can it cause any long term side-effects or physical problems?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008):

Im 11 and I started masturbating just about a few months ago. Don't tell her to stop, its something all kids will do. Plus, isn't it better than her actually having sex with someone? It feels good and it's natural so don't tell her its bad or anything.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008):

Oh gosh...is this posting still 'alive and kicking'?! I have a feeling the poster has (after 140 answers) finally figured out, that masturbation is pretty normal for kids this age. As Eyeswideopen once said about another long dead posting, and I quote her immortal words...."c'mon, folks, let's bury this ole chestnut" It's getting pretty stale.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008):

i'm now 15 and i have been masturbating for years. it is totally normal. just tell her to lock her door when she is doing it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008):

im now 15 and i have been masturbating for years. it is totally normal. just tell her to lock her door when she is doing it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008):

im 10 and ive mastubated i dont think u should have told her 2 stop it wouldnt u rather she touch harself in that way than others

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008):

ok, what you did was wrong. it's perfectly natural for a child to masturbate. you should not under any circumstances tell her to stop it - would you rather her be out making unwanted babies? you should just accept the fact she's growing up.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008):

i am 12 and i masterbate a lot i hav loads of friends, most of time we are going though changes(puberty) and experimenting with what these changes do for us

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008):

Yeah just leave her alone, when I was her age I used to touch my self all the time. My mom let me do it any time I wanted around the house and even let me walk around the house naked to do it when no one was home. If you're secure about it you can even try helping her out and how to do it better. I am now

21 and got over frequent masturbation when I was 16. Be open about it and don't forget to draw boundries were needed. and if you want you can even turn it into a mother daughter bonding activity.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008):

At ten years old this can be normal sexual development. She may be exploring her sexuality and sex. Children are starting younger and younger these days. As her parent you need to sit her down and talk to her about this and other topics concerning sex and puberty. Purberty first of course. As weird as it may sound to her mother this could "feel good" to her. Main thing talk to her openly...not to descriptive at first....but be honest with her and tell her she will not get into any trouble if she talks to you about anything and tell her she can talk to you about anything. Stick to the no trouble thing....dont punish her for anything she says or asks. Remember it is normal development.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008):

Recently I was reading a bedtime story to my nine year old daughter when I realised she was playing with herself under the sheets. I stopped reading and told her that what she was doing was fine, it isn't naughty or bad, but she should only do it on her own and in private. I told her I was going to leave her alone and she could call me when she'd finished. As I closed the door behind me she'd thrown the sheets off and was lying on her back, legs apart, masturbating with her eyes closed. My wife and I talked about how best to handle it, and agreed that this was the best way. Shortly after she called out 'Daddy, I'm finished!' and we both went in to talk to her. Calmly and gently we explained that what she was doing was a very private thing and not to be done in front of anyone else, and she was fine with that. We've heard her a number of times since then masturbating in her bredroom as she seems to be quite noisy when she gets her orgasm. I'm pleased that she's learning how to get pleasure from her body, and that she does understand she must only do it in private behind her closed door.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008):

I think what she needs is a girl talk base on your own EXPERIENCE!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008):

im 11 yearz old, and my mom and dad wuldnt like it if i told them im bi. my dads religous and he would punish me for something thats not my fault. i mastrbate alot. it helps relieve stress and teenagers as young as 13 hav sez. its growing into the younger to, soon therll be 10 year olds having sex. masturbating isnt bad, but its very embarrasing for our mother to tell us to stop wen really we cant help it! the world has sexualy active 12 year olds and murderers as young as 13. parents help your child.leave them be, im telling you, if you tell em stop, theyll more likely do it more or go and use some one else. if you know wat i mean?get her sum toys and let her. would it be differnt if u walked in on a boy,parents think its okaay for boys, there horny. but grlz r more with there feminine side, let them be horny and hav a great orgasm!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007):

im a pediatric doctor in a wing for masturbation and sexuality my advice is to talk to her and buy her 2 vibrating dildos and a personal lubricant and if you dont have men around the house let her walk around nude and masturbate anywhere P.S my mom bought me ten vibrators expensive lubricants when she caught me mastturbating when i was ten at my 12 birthday sleep over me and 7 of my friends masturbated and had oral sex 14 times. studies have proven it will help a young girl mentaly if she can walk around her house and masturbate to orgasim whith other girls watching

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007):

deal with it your daughter is growing and she is going through puberty, they do things like masterbate during puberty

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007):

It is not wrong to masterbate, and you should retell her that it isn't wrong, I was about 6 when I first started, it's normal. But make her understand, it should be done in Private, Masterbation is normal and no there isn't any Side affects.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007):

First, it's not a question of morality – listen to kids themselves talking about it. Second, how do you respond. This can be quite difficult, but I think the main thing is not to upset or embarrass the child. My 7yo niece asked me to 'tickle her bottom' when I was reading to her; I asked what she meant, and she said 'Tickle me here' as she lay back on her bed, opened her legs wide and touched her fanny (through her pyjamas). I covered her up, said nothing, and carried on reading. My friend says his girlfriend's 6yo daughter sometimes used to straddle his leg when he was sitting reading and rub herself against him, till he or her mother told her to stop. I'm telling this because I think lots of young girls – some very young – want to explore their sexuality. Sometimes they'll use other people to do it. How you respond is very important. In my case I talked to my niece's mum and we decided to keep it very low-key, ignore it if what she was doing was ok, and if it wasn't, tell her she was doing something that should be private, not done with or in front of other people. Of course children need to learn boundaries that will protect them against abuse; but they need to learn them without being embarrassed or humiliated about innocent masturbation.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007):

umm no i am 11... I just started and there's nothing wrong with it..it is just exploring your body and it feels good and it's better she does that then run off and have sex with some guy soo give her privacey just let her because it's a very good feeling... i mean very good

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007):

I am 10 and I love to masterbate! I do it ever day, sometimes 2 or 3 times. I use my skipping rope handle to masterbate with and it feels lovely. At then end I get my whats it called organ something and it is just brilliant! It makes me fell sooo good!!! There is nothing wrong with it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2007):

It's kind of a privte thing, as long as she's safe with the wood.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007):

Masturbation is perfectly normal. The way your daughter is doing it may not be the best though. If you choose, have a talk with her and explain a better way to masturbate.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007):

im 10 your probally thinking why should i lisen to her? well im 10 its happend to me i feel horrible now my mom wont stop staring at me!!!!!!!! its not bad its perfectly normal. my mom wont let me shut the door or lock it when i want to be alone enymorre i feel like im in jail my mom wont let me have sleep ovas with my friends or enything I NO UR GOING TO LOOK AT THIS AND NOT READ THIS BUT PLEAS DO!!!!!!!!!!!! and realy leav her be talk to her or somthing ENYTHING! just dont do wat my mom did plz taker my advise iv been thru more then u prob can think............

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007):

okay... i recently walked in on my daughter as well and when i mean recently, i mean last night.....as a female , a mother and a nurse when i first walked in...like the other mother did....i went into shock, u say the first thing that comes to mind....which is usually "stop it" or "don't do that". i know that it is normal...but knowing and seeing it, esp. ur little girl is so different...so to all the ppl on here that is saying all this hateful, mean things to this women esp the guy that said it was her fault and that she is putting her sins onto her daughter...u must b crazy do everybody a favor and shot ur self....until it actually happen to u...u have know idea how u will react....i will admit my first initial response was not good but after the shock wore off my daughter and i had a long talk.....i explained to her that she didn't do anything wrong and exploring ur body is a part of growing up but i don't feel that u r ready for that kind of exploration...we had the did anybody touch, where did u get this from talk and everything....i think i got my point across for her, for me i am still a little disturbed about it, which is what brought me to this post....don't get me wrong, i don't think it's disturbing to me because i think it is a bad thing because i don't..i just don't think i was ready to see it ever especially not at 10 ..this is my only baby and i guess i am not ready for her not to b....it's like when u finally realize that there is no santa claus...u r a little sad inside....i just got a reality check last night...my baby is not a baby any more...she is growing up...so, i guess my question is....how do i stop her (just kidding)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007):

I honestly think spewing hate out at the woman isn't helping her. Using this post as a means to rant out your views and resentment towards religion doesn't make you appear emotionally intelligent either.

This woman needs to view why she was upset and shocked. She needs to review what the rules and standards of her home are. She gets to choose what she teaches her daughter. Not you or anyone else.

Anger, hatred and those who indulge in masterbation- I think you all need to step back and stop pushing your believes and views on it.

She needs to do some thinking. She needs to decide.

There were many helpful people who gave her question considerable thought and answered her in a respectful manner.

She will look over those posts over the angry and resentful ones.

I do think she is capable of an intelligent, adult thought process which many of you demonstrated you do not own.

Back off already.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007):

The problem isent your daughter its you! but your not alone,religion has shoved it down our throats that masturbation is a Sin. The more religious the more Sinful, the more ignorent,the more shameful,= less communication about the wonders of sex! Any parent that would ask their daughter "why are you masturbating" is filling her with religious guilt, it shows total and complete religious ignorence on your part and your daughter will see this in you!.Asking a stupid question like that can devistate a daughters trust in you for ever, you will always be the last to know anything, including her having sex and wonder why she,s pregnent with a scumbag, then you will prey to god as to why me god, I was such a good parent and she was such a good girl! we all know god never answeres pryers(ask mother therisa she knows)If he could he would proberbly say it happened because you were an ignorent uncaring lowsey parent full of religious sexual guilt who chose to put all your guilt and religious fear on the head of your own daughter who may require therapy (that alone )could screw up her mind for ever. You need to go prey now and ask god to deliver you from evil and the evil you have planted in your daughters mind.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007):

Hey, You should pray about it and do whatever God tells you to... Masturbation isnt unhealthy in a Medical sense... but if she becomes chronic she'll probably "want something new" as a poster said earlier... this means once she gets tired of doing it herself.. she may get someone else to do it... then it will move to sex...and that wouldnt be good...

remember, we're progressive humans... first well lie in our parents arms... then we roll on the bed... then we crawl... then we stagger... then we walk... next thing you know we're running.... Take that example and place it in Masturbation...

I'm not saying it wrong... but it can be dangerous.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007):

My first thought would be, has someone interfered with your daughter? While it is true that children do enjoy exploring their bodies, it is not as natural as suggested above for a little girl to masturbate so early. The incidence of interference with young children is a lot higher than most people are aware, and many try to cover it up as being 'natural' or 'sexy'. Children are not being sexy, they do not even understand the concept of sexuality until they are older. While they are completely natural and uninhibited as they should be, this is innocence and not sexiness.

Perhaps she has never been interfered with, and that is what is to be hoped, but my advice would be - carefully - check it out.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007):

Make sure there are no splinters,and let her enjoy.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007):

This is typical of ignorent religious mothers,who are told by their priest masturbating is a SIN. Jesus or priest or the bible or God or government can not put an age timeline restriction on masturbating or even sex, Only human nature can. In the 1700 a prominent doctor found that pree-teens teenagers, sex deprived widows, pregnent women who were no longer touched by husbands once pregnent, wifes of soldiers gone for years all seem to have the same malady "Hystaria" that included being rude,difficult, unsociable, moaning, screaming behind closed doors,(sexual frustration)that included cronic masturbation, a SIN (doing the devils work).She was sent to the nuns for punishment of the effected parts,those that could not be cured were sent away to insain asylums!

Its time you took your head out of religion and start being a mother to your normal 10yo girl. A girlfriend had a ten year old girl that started being difficult,rude to her mom, crying for no reason,till she caught her in bed with her hand over herself, she sat with her and explained masturbation, she even showed her by masturbating her that became a nightly event every night for two weeks till she was able to continue herself, but my god what a change!she became very helpful in the house, cleaned up her room, always smiling and said she felt all grown up and responsible, and thats what they need, they are tired of being treated like a child, most are child baring young adults wether you like to hear this or not, get used to it and give them respect of knocking on their door before entering! she now told mom everything without being ashamed and loved it, then there were other parents at soccer games that came up to my girlfriend and said how do you do it, your girl is so polite, I think mine is doing drugs, the other one is haviing sex and they both hate me!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007):

Hi, I reasontly became an MD, and after looking at the responses above i felt like i needed to intergect. It is perfectly normal for children to "epxlore" there bodies, or even to just plain masterbate. though i wouldnt recommend buying her a toy, it propably would be prudent to explain to her that an object such as her bed post may damage her vagina. The best thing for you to do is to have a grown woman who she trusts to have a sit down with her and explain the basics, and perhaps, some safer ways she can masterbate. Im sure she is perfecly healthy, mastebation is a most basic way we as humans can cope with stresses, and telling her it is wrong to masterbate will only confuse her later on and impare her ability to regulate her own emotions.

Good Luck, the fact that you saught advise here indicates that you are a caring father/mother and are simply concered for her well being.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007):

I am 16 and It is completely safe and normal for your daughter to do these types of things and exibit these types of behaviors. she was doing this in the provocy of her own room, with the door shut, thus it is her buisiness, as it should be. allowing her to have a private life(while doing it safely) is what is healthiest for ALL children. I definatly WOULD NOT recoment offering her a sex toy to masterbate with! Were I in her place, i would rather be left alone. It would appear time to have a female that she looks up to explain to her the importance of waiting for adaulthood to experience sex with another person.

ALSO I NOTICED THE DEVIENTS THAT RESPONDED ABOVE ME, TO ALL OF YOU CREEPS, JUST LEAVE, YOU ARE NOT WELCOME!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007):

just let her know that i wasnt cool and that shes too young to be doing that where did she learn it from maybe she feels like shes ready for sex and its time to talk to her about it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2007):

Let her exploer her body!!!

I'm 16 and have been masturbating since i was 11. It's never done me any harm and has helped me to cope with my life and relationships. I wouldnt get her a toy, at ten she's too young!

But i would let her know its a perfectly normal thing to do!

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A female reader, mandys mom United States +, writes (2 August 2007):

I too once walked in on my daughter masturbating. She is 11. It was late at night and she was in bed. I just went to check on her and when I peaked in I could see the sheets on that part of her body moving. I knew what she was doing and I didn't say anything at all about it. Self exploration is only natural. We have ALL done it. I wouldn't recommend buying toys like some people on here have said. Those are meant for adults. As long as she is behind closed doors, let her be.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007):

MASTURBATION IS NORMAL for children as they are learning about their bodies. Your daughter does not have a problem. Sorry, but you, the mother, have the problem. Please let her explore her body in the privacy of her own room!! Please KNOCK before entering her bedroom and give her time to stop masturbating or from doing whatever she is doing. Talk with her truthfully about her body in a calm manner. If you yell at her or keep walking into her room without knocking or forbid her to close or lock her bedroom door you will cause psychological damage that may take years of therapy to resolve.

I should know--I was in Second Grade and going through a very stressful time as we had moved to a new town and the other children were very mean & teased me alot. I found that masturbating helped to relieve the stress. HOWEVER, when my mother "caught" me "doing it" (masturbating), she got upset and would not let me close or lock my bedroom door. If she saw that the door was closed, she would open my bedroom door to check that I wasn't "doing it". She even checked on me after I went to bed to make sure that I wasn't "doing it." She also took me to the doctor to determine why I was masturbating. Sometimes children get a urinary tract infection or a yeast infection from taking a bubble bath or from food or other allergies. Since the doctor didn't find any infection, he performed invasive exams--cystoscopy (looking at the bladder through a catheter), a barium enema with xrays, and other physical exams.

To this day, 20+ years later, whenever I visit my parents' house, I cannot lock the bedroom door and my mother still checks on me after I go to bed to make sure that I am not "doing it". I have been taught that that part of my body is very "evil". I am still single and can not tolerate having a pelvic exam done nor can I tolerate physical affection from a man.

So do your daughter a favor and let her explore her body and remember to knock on her door before entering. She will thank you later in life as she becomes a woman who can enjoy relationships with a man and you will be thankful because of the grandchildren you will enjoy because you allowed her to develop healthy, positive feelings about herself and her body. GOOD LUCK & GOD BLESS.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007):

do NOT teller her to stop! that can really mess her up later. tell her its ok, and that youll knock next time!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007):

im 11 and i masterbate, it feels good and its not wrong, i mean no one likes to hide things right? well ur daughter is not gross for doing this, she is just normal. and talk to her about it, and get her a toy.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007):

Well, I'm 13 and I know you probably don't exactly want to take advice from a 13-year-old but I'm fairly intellegent and I've also been masturbating for quite sometime now. Masturbating is a way for your daughter to explore her body; you know what it's like being a young girl. I'm not exactly sure a "toy" would be the best choice though, because with a toy she'll know more what it'd feel like with a penis and well obviously better then masturbating so she'll want sex more. I really do believe you should talk to her about sex and inform her more therefore she'll know more about what she's getting herself into and won't make bad choices along the way. I've also studied up on the side affects of masturbating because I'm very careful and wouldn't want anything bad to happen. There are no bad side affects to masturbating; unless she starts sticking forn objects up there then are dirty. The might contain germs and could give her an infection, before considering a "toy" you really should teach her about infections and stuff because that wouldn't be too fun.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2007):

it is PERFECTLY normal! dont get her a toy but sit her down and let her know it's 100% normal. if you discourage it then she'll do it even more but f you encourage it then she'll do this rather than having sex with a boy and ending up pregnant at a young age! if you tell her no she'll turn to sex with boys. and you should really give your daughter some privacy. it's alright as long as she does it in PRIVACY without worrying who is going to walk in on her!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2007):

im 12 and ive been masturbating for 2 years. its perfectly normal. and i love it!!! it makes me feel sexy and good. ask her if she wants a toy. if she does get her one. and knock on her door when you go in. masturbation should not be shared with parents!!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007):

you see how many girls and boys play with there thing and most girl finger there little holes at a younger age because they can come and boy dont do it till 10yo or older age i say the same thing GET HER A DIDLO AND TELL HER ABOUT SEX ALL OF IT

HOPE I DID NOT MAKE YOU MAD FOR WHAT IM SAYING BUT IT THE TRUE

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007):

We bought a vibrator for our daughter on her 12th birthday because some time earlier we had a mother/daughter talk and she said she's been masturbating for a couple of years and wanted to try something new. I think it's better than having her experiment with boys or men. Masturbation never harmed anyone. I would suggest you talk to her and buy her a toy to let her know she's not doing anything wrong.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2007):

Please tell her that it allright to masturbate and that most people do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007):

Everyone explores there body at a young age. Its a known fact. Even toddlers they touch there selves and rub. Were human we do this. She is starting to be in the stages of a young teenager. The best thing you can do has a parent is sit down and talk with her. Dont hide it and think that it will go away. Your her parent "have the talk".Just remember she has feelings. And that you will be there whenever she needs to talk to you

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007):

no it can t it is part of life

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A female reader, penta United States +, writes (25 June 2007):

penta agony auntThe problem is that you walked into her room without knocking. Masturbation is normal. If you have a problem with it, please don't make it her problem. And knock next time.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007):

As a father of 4 girls, all now grown up, believe me this is not unusual. Girls from a very early age mastubate in one way or an other, all you can do is sugest they keep it private, good luck.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007):

Leave her the hell alone,if tell her not to do it she'll want do it more.Maybe you should join her.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2007):

I'm eleven and I masturbate regularly. You would be amazed that 9-12 year olds have so much acsess to Porn and are smart enough to delete cookies and erase all tracks.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2007):

hi, im 9 and so is my friend and we both masturbate. sometimes, coz i have a bunk bed we both take a post each and masturbate together. it feels good and is perfectly normal.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2007):

i think this is totaly nomal most girl masturbated at an early age

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007):

I think it is natural for chidrento start masturbating at this age yes you should stop her from masturating that way you might want to tell her it is natural and not to be embarrased and you might want to buy her a dildo or vibrator

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2007):

Im 11 and i masturbate 2 times a week. its a perfectly normal thing and it doesnt cause health problems

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2007):

i'm 11 and masterbate about three times a week. tell her it is normal and get her a toy

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007):

I'm 12 and I masturbate about twice a week--it's completely normal and not harmful in the least (far more harmless than sex can potentially be, too). My advice is to talk to her about when and where she can masturbate, but remember that it's very common and completely safe!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2007):

I have two little girls. The oldest now 6,has been masturbating since she was 3 and my youngest now 3 already does it. I admit I have scolded them when they make it an all day event or attempt to play with each other privates or try to stick things in each other private's. I do believe I have the right to draw the line and I got that advise from a registered nurse and child psychologist. I have told them that it's private and that no one else should ever touch them in the same way until they are adults.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2007):

i would suggest at that age of buying her a proper toy and talking about the dangers of sex.

the proper toy will help her open up to you, id also tell her that self pleaser with a toy's better then sex for 99% of all wemon.

I know what your thinking... a toy.... its better then a bed post.

once masterbation starts at this level, theres only one why to deal with it teach when and where and with what.

no girl needs a splinter down there.

to tell the truth in todays world, by about the age of 13 most girls hove masterbated, its to easy to find out about it and try it, even by acident.

getting her the toy and talking about the dangers will build trust, this can be a bad rought for a single dad to go, but its still better then the alternitive.

with this new built trust you my be able to find out how she found out about masterbation, becouse in todays world, with child molsters going by the secound, one of there faverit methids of getting a child it to talk to them about masterbation, hence the resion a single father might have problems.

giving the choises though the benifit of the toy will reduce the cances of young girl from having sex and open the path of cominication.

any one with a girl about 13 sould sit down with them and ofer to by them a toy if they masterbate, act casual about it, and tell them most poeple do it, and it sould be done alone in a safe place.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2007):

It's normal, just let her do her thing. masturbation is much safer than regular sex. Be lucky she is doin this instead of real sex. Dont walk in on her!!!!! It will make her feel very uncomfortable! Just leave her be and remember that masturbation isnt BAD!!! Its actually a good thing.U shud try it and then u'll understand y ur daughter does it.OK.

Muahzz

Ana*

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007):

Im 11 and I masterbate. Its perfectly a perfectly normal step of woman-hood.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2007):

I am 11 and i have not had my period but i was masterbating and would like to know will this effect my body when i do have my period? my parents do NOT know what i have been doing. I need answers PLEASE.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007):

I started having orgasms doing a very similar thing on my stomach when I was eight, and once I had one of those there wasn't any way that I was ever going to stop. Let her know its natural, that most people do it at one time or another and tell her to have fun. Its probably the only pleasure in life that has no negative consequences.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2007):

i am 13 and i like masturbating. it is only right to do it because it releives stress.ive never been walked in on and also it feels pretty good

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A female reader, missy loulla +, writes (13 December 2006):

hello, i recently came across a situation much like yours. so once i collected my jaw off the floor, i expained to her that masturbation is normal and pleasurable which is why so many people do it. then i quickly let her know that she needs to make sure if she uses somthing besides here fingers then clean beforehand and afterwards as this can lead to infections. that's why fingers are best for these sorts of things. i also encourage privacy - i , (and her father/brother) do not need to know about whats going on. and i now knock on her door and i don't go in until invited.

my parents shamed me when it came to self pleasure. but luckily not too much damage was made. don't also forget, you can explain to her that walking in ws wrong and you will respect her from now on - but you were shocked and that's why you said what you did. then have as open a discussion as you can.

the wonderfull mystery of sex becomes not so wonderfull when your first time is with someon who just wants to get into your pants

and girls with healthy sexual mores are in control from the get-go.

good luck to you, and i thing you are a wonderful mom for even posting this. take what works for you, and go from there.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006):

i am a 11 year old girl who wants to start masterbating. what are some household products i can use to masterbate??? i cant think of anything please help. and can u please tell me so techniques on how tomasterate.

thanks, andrea

p.s how old where u when u started to masterbate???

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2006):

i am a 23 year old Early Childhood Educator. After reading your question i would just like to let you in on a few medically proven answers. Every child from infant to late adolescent go through stages of physial development and touching and exploring the human body is one of them. At the age of ten, it is not considered by any medical professional as being abnormal or 'wrong.' my advise is to sit her down and talk about what she is going through and respecting her decisions about self exploration. Having said that however, if you are still worried, keep a close discreet eye on her to make sure she doesnt get carried away. Hope all goes well. :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006):

Are you serious...? Masturbation cannot cause physical problems, every person who has had problems later in life related to this, is only because they're parents did what you did and treated it like a sin, it traumatizes a kid, when there really is ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH IT BOY OR GIRL

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2006):

hiya everyone im 9 and yes i do masturbate, everyone does it once in a while, c'mon we all know that so dont bother her shes fine she will outgrow it... or maybe not, it feels so good u cant just stop and when u walk into her room its really akward (from xperience)... bye love u all (dont bother her anymore

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2006):

Your daughter is perfectly normal! she just discovered her clit, and we all know how good it feels to rub your clit against something

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2006):

i think you should talk to her gosh there is nothing wrong with it she is trying to ezplore mabye you should let her do it .

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2006):

It is amazing to discover how many people chose to read this and take offense to it as if it were their own mother re-acting that way towards themselves.

Where is the objectivity? Where is the sensitivity? Where is the not going to take this time to dump on someone so I feel better about myself and feel vindicated in my own masterbation?

Putting people down isn't of help; you are doing the same thing as she did- re-acting.

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A female reader, gillybean2k5 +, writes (21 July 2006):

gillybean2k5 agony auntDo you want to fucking well traumatize her? What is wrong with masturbating? I know for sure that you do, because any lady that tells me that she doesn't beat her skin is lying to me, or doesn't have a clitoris..Either that, or your husband is a fucking machine.....~!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2006):

Im 10 and I masterbate all the time.My cousin showed me at the age of 7.I had not started masterbating but i was interesed in the porn magazines.at 8 i was caught looking at a porn mag and was grounded for a long time. You should not be mad.As the other people say its not her fault that she found a place that gives great pleasure.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2006):

Well I would have to say it depends on your beliefs about masterbation.

It was your responsibility to teach and instruct her on her views of her sexuality and if masterbation was "normal", "healthy", or if you had a differing view and say if the feelings she were feeling were special and should occure between a husband and wife.

I know that my views appear atiquated but there are still people out there who raise their children in all aspects of life.

It's hard to expect your daughter to govern herself a certain way if you have not taught her how to do so.

It would be embarassing for both you and your daughter.

Perhaps you thought she was still a child; and she is, and that such things were for teens and adults.

I agree that re-acting the way you did, did not help matters but it is still your re-action and valid.

I don't think you are a prude or you are teaching your daughter to be one. I don't think you are uneducated; just you were unaware that YOUR child would even think to do such a thing.

I don't think all people have masterbated when they were kids and not all people do so now. Such blanket statements get many people into trouble.

Either way, think about what you believe in this regard and then talk to your daughter.

If you can not teach a value to her as to why she shouldn't do such an act and at her age; what is there to do?

Hope you are doing well and don't pay too much attention to the people of this site; myself included. *wink*

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2006):

masterbation is very healthy! let her do as she pleases. she'll grow out of this phase very soon!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2006):

you know it never ceases to amaze me how many parents are so poorly educated regarding there childrens first sexual encounters. "can it cause any long term side-effects or physical problems?" my god what century were you born in ? your not "carrie's" mother are you ? instead of shouting at her try talking to her, im not suggesting go as far as buying her a vibro selection pack as one person suggested.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2006):

dont worry about it..How old were you when you did thre same thing? My daughter has been doing thast for 5 years she is amost 12 now. I asked why she does it she said it feels good. My wife and I told her to close her beDROM DOOR. she is doing perfectly well and doesnt smeem to any problems. As far as her heyman I havnt taken that close of alook to see if it is still intact. when I was a boy growing up h my younger sister she would do it all the time. Out in the open in front of everyone. Today she is 38 yrs old with no problems conected to this.

I think it is normal at whatever age they start or dont start and nothing to worry about. We all do it all though out lives.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2006):

im 12 and i masturabte u shud give your daughter a little privacy shes getting to explore herself. i havent told my mum that i masturbate, i havent popped my cherry because im scared it will hurt. but leave your daughter and let her masturbate. Its just a way of making yourself feel good

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A female reader, Sis6372 +, writes (5 May 2006):

You have got to be kidding. How could you scold her. She was just doing something that is perfectly natural and that everyother human being has done at one point or another. You should be ashamed. Let her explore herself, its the only way she'll learn. Its perfectly health. If you tell her its not alright then she'll be ashamed and i may effect her sex life and possibly her marriage later on in life. Don't make her feel dirty because you walked in her room. You should have the decency to knock, she is 10 and children need to establish who they are themselves.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2006):

Don't worry its perfectly natural I started to feel the urges about her age.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2006):

Its natural

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2006):

I'm 11. I enjoy masturbating. I would NEVER tell my parents. They'd put me in therepy. Just let it slide and let her do what she enjoys.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2006):

this is nothing to worry about. In fact, you should give her a hand- held mirror to look at herself. teach her about her clit and what she is doing is a beautiful act of self love. When my daughter turned 13 I gave her 3 vibrators and lube. She thanks me all the time for being so open about pleasing the vulva.

viva la valva!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2006):

im 11,and i masterbate

i dont tell my mother simply because she would react the exact way u did w/ ur daughter

so i didnt tell her,and ur daughter prob feels the EXACT same way

lay off her

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2006):

Your reaction to this completely disgusts me. If you try to make her feel as though she is doing something wrong, she'll either try different things or just keep doing it. You should feel ashamed of yourself for reacting in such a manner.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2006):

The best thing to do is say nothing, let her play a bit because she will whatever the case is. If you mention it or chatise her, it will be forever with her. It's a private thing that a parent should not get involved with unless asked. If too many questions are asked, or you scold her, it will be with her for life and possible upest her sex life in the long term.

Bet you did/do it, but for heavens sake leave her alone to do her own thing. There's no harm in it, and it will put her in a good relaxed mood. It can only do you good too!!

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A female reader, mystify +, writes (21 March 2006):

mystify agony aunti think its time you gave your daughter a little privacy a have recently done a study group an children and sex, you have to have a healthy attitude towards sex if you are to let her grow up as a woman with a healthy attitude towards sex. the best way to protect her is to be honest with her if she asks questions and to not make her feel ashamed of her body and masterbating , tell her that it is ok and normal but something she must do privatly . but you must give her the privacy she needs. that means knocking before you enter her room instead of just storming in.

at 10 it is perfectly normal to need time by yourself without fear of someone walking in and not just for masterbation ,for lots of things.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2006):

She is doing it because it feels good. If you dont know this then you have missed a lot. Buy a pair of vibrators and give one to your daughter. Explain to her that it is much safer than a bed post and then ask her to help you learn the pleasure she is already aware of.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2006):

i would recomend buying her a medium size but soft dildo,and maybe some ky jelly for safety because as a girl we do like to exsplore and she could damage herself by try to stick things in her vagina like markers or eletric tooth brushes.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2006):

I'm a ten year old girl who is about to start her period and it is perfectly normal to masterbate

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2006):

Most of us experience our first orgasm by masturbating. I think I had my first one well before I turned 10, before I could ejaculate. Back then my orgasms occurred while I was asleep and presumably masturbating. At that time I didn't know what was happening was but it sure felt great as I woke up to my orgasm.

So relax and pray to God that you haven't lost the respect and confidence of your daughter. She will go on exploring her sex - wouldn't you rather she be open about it with you?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2006):

i am a 12 year old boy, it is a bit different i suppose but it is perfectly normal.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2006):

it is normal and has no side effects. she's growing up and exploring herself. I think you should also talk to her about "that", my mum never, ever did so i was more curious and i found out about it from my friends at 9 and a half so ..

BTW: Maybe you should think about her privacy too...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2006):

it is normal and has no side effects. she's growing up and exploring herself. I think you should also talk to her about "that", my mum never, ever did so i was more curious and i found out about it from my friends at 9 and a half so ..

BTW: Maybe you should think about her privacy too...

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A female reader, Sexybum United Kingdom +, writes (28 February 2006):

Sexybum agony auntAs if you never done that!!!!!! Well you might not have straddled your bed post, but at least she wasn't straddling a boy! She is just growing up and starting to feel new things in her body! When she starts to grow bossoms if she touches them, are you going to snatch her hand away and order her not to! Its like when a baby grows teeth they press them against things. Your daughter is growing and is curious. Nows the time to open up the communication between you two onto a new level. If you don't, she may well experiment behind your back. I'm sure you would prefer her to be able to talk to you about her 'new feelings'. At the same time as talking to her you REALLY need to avoid embarassing her, don't mention the straddling of the bedpost, see if you can skirt around that bit! Cor I'm glad I don't have kids!!!

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (28 February 2006):

willywombat agony auntIt is completely normal. It feels good so she does it. Babies pleasure themselves this way. All you need to teach her is the need for privacy and a little less exhibitionism...

x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2006):

oh my god 10 years old that is so outrages but it is perfectly normal to have a young one feeling exsited abot his or herself and going thourgh pubirty.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2006):

i know this is hard for you to comprehend right now but i would know i'm 11 and i masturbate its completly embarissing when your mom walks in on you so maybe dont mention it again and try to forget about it we all get out of that stage and were only doing it cause it calms us and it feels good! touching themselves is not bad! and think of it coming from a 11 year olds point of view might help!

Good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2006):

I caught my 10 year old daughter last month..

She's always home before I get back from work, but one day I left from work early and came home, and she had'nt expected me to be home early..I went past her room and her door was open and I found her on the bed, spread eagled and naked as a jaybird, masturbating with her eyes closed. She did'nt notice me at first, but then she startled a bit and then giggled and said "Oops, sorry Mom" (She and I are very open and my seeing her naked is a non-issue)and I smiled and closed the door. Now I know if her door is closed, and I hear heavy breathing, I won't even knock!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2006):

It is noraml i think my friends kid does that too its normal. Talk to her and ask her why she does it maby you can get some answers.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2005):

To be honest, I discovered masturbating when I was eight. (I thought I was alone). It doesn't mean she is doing anything with anyone. I didn't start having sex until I was 21. She'll be alright. You could try talking to her, but hey, my mother walk in on me too, but she never said anything.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2005):

i am a 11 year old boy its slightly diffrent but just have a talk with her about sex. trust me it is ok many others kids do it.

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A female reader, chloe +, writes (28 December 2005):

well im only 16 my self so i no that i should be going against you cos your an adult but to be honest you have to treat your daughter as normal as if you seen nothing this is her way of been in control with her own body im not saying that she will be a prostitute or any thing this also will not have any side efects, and there are ways of helping your daughter you HAVE to sit down and talk to her ask her where did she learn it? why does she do it? you have to take control now other wise she may become very sexually active but talk to her calmy tell her you under stand and let me no how you get on good luck, you have my wishes

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2005):

Common...Like you never did that too...I think you still do....thats why it embarassed you to see your daughter do it too..leave her alone it is very normal....if you embarass her you may mess up her feelings about sex forever....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2005):

I am a 16 year old girl and i started masturbating at 11... theres nothing wrong with it... explain to her about sex..make her feel comfortable and not ashamed of what shes doing. Where you never sexually curious?

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A female reader, Diamond +, writes (22 December 2005):

i think it is time 2 explain to your daughter about sex, if u explain it to her in a positive light but also showing her that sex is only for adults because of the emotional aspect of it which she is clearly not ready for, then u can escape big disasters in the future..trust me its better that u caught her straddling the bedpost than a boy, shes jus hormonally maturing before u were ready...make sure u tell her that what she is feeling is normal and if she says she was just curious then get her some leaflets and as much educational material as you can and jus create an environment where she can come to u and jus ask u anything instead of tryning it herself before she is physically mature enuff ....it will work out in the long run.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2005):

Awe, come on! She's horny! yes, let's face it, pre-teens masturbate! Get over it. It's your reaction that's unhealthy. Don't make her feel like some kind of a freak. I bet you were masturbating at that age too! Chill out lady.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2005):

I think you may be getting hung up on something which may not mean anything to her. My older sister used to sometimes do this when she was young. She did not associate it with masturbating, in fact she hadnt even heard of such things at that age. She just did it once and realised it was a new skill she had learnt, then did it eevery so often if she was bored or had nothing to do. I really dont think you need to be so worried. You are probably making a big deal out of something which means nothing to her and she may wonder why on earth you told her off....do u feel u r in a position to explain this one?

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A female reader, Taija +, writes (4 December 2005):

Taija agony auntno it does not cause long term affects what would you prefer her doing masterbating or doing the real thing having sex with a guy. todays generation of kids and sex is getting terrible kids as young as 10 are having sex and kids as young as 13 are having babes well getting pregnant any way just sit down and talk to her it is perfectly normal how she feels about herself and masterbation all depends on how comfortable she is about it and if she is caught your reactions. think to yourself just as well its only her touching herself then some slezzy guy who could be older. all it is is exploration of her body, babies do it you couldnt exactly tell a baby to stop it. everybody in this world has masterbated at least once im sure you would have so i ssay again it is perfectly natural be happy about her decision to do it and talk to her in a calm way about it instead of reacting and telling her to stop it. good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2005):

I would be far more worried about the long term damage of your reaction to her than her masterbation. Your negativity and condemnation could create many hangups and problems in later years, you must go back and fix this. What she was doing is perfectly normal and healthy. Your reaction to it was not.

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A male reader, Monk +, writes (1 December 2005):

What are you, from Bible belt land? The 1950s? Are you a glacier? Do you really want your daughter to become a glacier?

Masturbation will make her blind. Trust me. Happened to me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2005):

talk to her about it

its not like shes killing herself she just goin through that stage everyone does it bet you did it cause i did nothing to be ashamed off its natural for young girls as i should no cause im a sex counciller

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2005):

Wow!!! Thats heavy! Here's the thing young girls are curious, even about sex!!! She's discovering new parts of her body, and "testing" them. Its natural for her to be curious. Get it out in the open, and talk to her about it. I'm sure you're both felling pretty awkward, but better to talk now then later. -ALEY KAT

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2005):

No, it can't cause any long term damage. It is normal I did the same thing when I was her age. It is very natural. It will help with her future relationships. Not just sexually I mean mentally. She will be fine. If you want to talk to her about it, just tell her how you feel about sex and that she is too young and needs to be engaged of married before she does it. She is old enough to masterbate, so talk to her like an adult.

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A female reader, Starr +, writes (29 November 2005):

This is a natural thing that is going to happen whether you tell her to stop or not but it is better for her that you do not speak negatively or act drawn away from her.It's bad enough that she is completely embarrassed that her mom walked in on her doing such a thing.This is absolutely the time to talk to her about sex. One question that I have is would'nt you rather have walked in on her doing that than to have walked in on her having sex with some peanut head boy to satisfy that need instead?

P.S. It may be a good idea to start knocking before entering.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2005):

its normal for all dont worry, tell your daughter about the safty and precautions about the masturbaton and dont tell her in hard way

god bless your family from india

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A female reader, lovely1_4eva +, writes (21 November 2005):

Your baby is (gulp) becoming a woman. This is actually quite normal. If you havent already this may be a good time to explain the "birds and the bees" to her. Her actions are not dangerous and will not hurt her, unless she does something to damage herself. In that respect, you may want inform her about what is OK and what is NOT. However what could damage your daughter is your reaction to her behavior. She probably doesnt understand herself why she is doing what she is doing. Be informative and sensitive. Don't give her a complex about it b/c that is what can cause problems to her emotional and mental well being later.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2005):

self exploration is absolutely normal. your daughter found a spot on her body that gives her pleasure, she will not go to hell for finding such a place. happy go lucky she is!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2005):

I am a 10 year old girl soon to be 11 and I do well masterbate however its spelled.. I know a lot about sex and its not exploring my body its just something that feels nice and who could not do something that feels nice? You should talk to her she must be emberassed to death but don't start butting into things be more calm and comforting and saying its alright its perfectly normal. Talk to her about sexual feelings .. and just because I am 11 dosen't mean what I am saying is useless. Coming from the point of view of the 10 year old is helpful .. So what I say is useful. Talk to her. Besdies today we are growing up fasters we beat up eachother already I know of atleast two in my class who've had sex (both guys!) and all guys are interested in it .. Some girls are but girls are willing to do it themselves more than jump into it being scared of someone seeing them naked.. pain.. If they want to stop will they be made fun of? So to solve this probem you need to talk to her because.. I am the exact same person.

How would you like your mom to come in your bedroom and find you touching yourself because you discovered it felt good! Its emberassing as hell is what it is! I am one of the most popular girls .. I didnt' decide that everyone tells me I am and I have all sorts of friends all over the place and have a boyfriend she probally has one to or likes a guy.. Only 4 or 5 girls are not interested ing uys most of us think guys are hott and even are interested in sex. In kindergarten and first grade we stopped playing sex with our barbies. Don't worry its natural but all it needs is comforting talk she probalylt hinks shes stupid and ugly and even ashamed of the fact that her body isn't growing.. Those are all the things I have around in my mind and it'd be nice to have someone tht knew what to say and was comforting. No one would actually understand so I don't talk and you walking in on your daughter is a perfect oppurtunity for you to finally understand her and have one of the msot important conversations you will ever have with her.

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A female reader, kissy +, writes (8 November 2005):

when i was little i used to borrow my sisters vibrating massager thing. Girls are growing up faster these days. just try and help your daughter along the way by explaining things to her. do not be embarrassed. Would it have been so bad if you had found your little boy playing with his willy?

The clitorus has no other use but to orgasm, and maybe people feel the urge to do this more than others. Some girls start their period age 9, so why shouldn,t they want to experience this good feeling that all their friends may be talking about because they saw it on tv.

oh and by the way, my barbie and ken were in bed together all the time since i was about 8.

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A female reader, kelly-louise +, writes (7 November 2005):

many young people go through this stage, and it is perfectly normal, your daughter must be at that stage where she is curious as to how things really work. plus she is probably really embarresed about doing it and you walking in, i think that you should sit her down and have the mother daughter talk, my mum neva had that talk with me, i had to find things out all on my own. you need to let her know that you are'nt mad with her and explain that there are many ways of findin out about her body.

good luck and keep us informed

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A female reader, not again +, writes (30 October 2005):

She's obviously quite sexually curious and aware, which is healthy. I was pretty naieve at that age but every one is different. It may be earlier than you'd like to have the "sex talk" but she may need it soon. I never got one from my mum, but she would leave books outside my door or on my bed- such as keeping your body healthy, stranger danger, puberty and "how bodies are made". This was really good for me, and maybe could be an option for you? good luck

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A female reader, joislack +, writes (29 October 2005):

atleast it is her and not some bot. i know you may think you are promoting her to have sex but you are not.and wether you talk or not she will do whatever she wants to do. it will be plenty of oppurtunities. talk to her and enlighten her. please don't lie to her because she will grow up and realize it. and if you do it to "protect her" she will never learn as early as she can on how to deal with things.if you shelter her then she will be handicapped. and don't teach her that her body is nasty. let her explore herself.if i would have learned i woudln't have wasted my time on meaningless unsatisfying sex.no one can love me like me!it hurts some paarents but it is the truth. i started at 19 and i was so mad! all this time i was missing out and wasting my time with a few guys to see what it was all about.i now know i could have done it and left it at that.it is not all about sex but it will happen in her lifetime.and she needs to be happy and enjoy it.not now of course she is only 10 but she a is pre-teen and if she has her period already than she has other things going on that will make her want to have sex.just talk to her.if you were sheltered orhave any inhibitions about sex don't force them on her.go to a counselor to learn how to talk to your child about sex.maybe you should even go with her.just accept what may happen and go from there!

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A female reader, AuntyLaura +, writes (29 October 2005):

AuntyLaura agony auntHey dont worry! Its OK im 16 so i still remember what it is like to be 10 and i was just curious about sex because at that age no one will talk about it and there were so many things that i wasnt allowed to watch or read to 'preserve my innocence'. This doesnt mean to say that you should talk to her about it. She is probably quite embarrassed and im sorry to say this but the last person she will want to talk to about this will be you. Now i know it is quite pointless to say dont worry about her because regardless of what anyone says you are always going to worry - thats what parents are there for but if she has any serious problems she will come to you and if she has any questions about sex she will only come to you if she knows she can trust you completely. Do not share anything like this with her dad she will want her privacy. Good Luck xx

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A female reader, angelicdivauk United Kingdom +, writes (25 October 2005):

angelicdivauk agony auntHey, Please don't worry about your daughter, this it totally normal! Iam only 17 but i began masturbating at around 9/10 only because in this day and age it is so easy for children of that day to experience viewing sex (on TV gossip at school etc). She will only be experimenting, and i alsoagree with a previous reader, be thankful it's with her bed and not another boy!!! Good Luck xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2005):

Dont bother your daughter its very uncomfortable to talk to parents about sex. Dont yell at her for it. Its better that she learns this way than with boys.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2005):

Your daughter is fine - there are hundreds of studies in the realms of medicine and psychology which identify masturbation as a normal practice. Do some research about it, you'll see.

You may want to assess your own judgments about sexuality before discussing the subject with her. To be honest, I feel that your reaction was unhealthy and will cause damage if you don't go back and correct your mistake. For all I know, you might have been sexually suppressed an early age. Please don't push sexual suppression on your daughter.

Now may be a great time to have the sex talk with her, teach her about menstruation, and encourage her to be safe in her transition into womanhood. It's a dangerous world out there, especially for a young girl like your daughter. Believe me, I know from first hand experience.

There are books and tapes available to help you with this incredibly important process. Do your daughter (and yourself) a huge favor: teach her well. It will save you both from immense suffering in the future.

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A female reader, QOTU +, writes (18 October 2005):

QOTU agony auntIt's normal for children to be experimental with their bodies. As long as she isn't doing anything REALLY wrong, I think you should let her go - children have a right to be curious, man! ^_^

--QOTU

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2005):

I wouldnt be worried at all. She is quite young but she is just acting on natural urges. I remember walking in on my sister when she was about the same age and she was straddling a pillow and rocking on it - She wasnt even aware if s*x at the time so it was innocent in a way. Shes 20 now and perfectly normal college going girl in a steady relationship so I wouldnt worry unnecessarily.

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A female reader, TRUITY +, writes (5 October 2005):

You need to be careful how you handle this one, dont react if possible, she doesnt need to feel guilty about her sexuality, but it would be good if you can ask her some gentle questions like where did she see such things? and Does she think this is what people do? and then talk to her like a real person let her feel safe to discuss this with you openly. Kids do masturbate its a part of their self discoveryits normal! but the key is how you discuss it. good Luck!

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A male reader, Ellis Mac +, writes (3 October 2005):

No. There is nothing 'wrong' with your daughter's behaviour. What is more interesting is your reaction, and the root of your reaction. Maybe this could be a time for you to consider where this might have come from, so you can identify what is yours, before your impressions are made on your daughter.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2005):

It is natural what your daughter is doing. There is nothing wrong with it and I would say it is not going to cause any problems for her in the future. I'm not a doctor though. As hard as it may be to not over react... try not to. Don't make it a big deal to her or it might just become a problem.

Good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2005):

You shouldn't tell your girl to stop. My Mom caught me masterbating when I was eleven and told me never to do it again. So I needed to find out some other way to get that good feeling down below. As a result, I started experimenting with boys way way way to young and fell pregnant at thirteen - I wound up getting an abortion. No girl should have to go through that because her Mom is a prude!

Peace and Love,

Svetlana Ninkov [email address blocked]

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2005):

I think that your daughter is just experimenting. Lots of young girls sexually experiment in different ways. You should sit down with her, and ask her what's going through her mind. It might just be a case of wanting to know the unknown. But i honestly think it is harmless, and that there will be no long term effects. She's just growing up.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2005):

Maybe she was simply itching...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2005):

Just thought that you might like to hear from someone who was in the same place as your daughter is in now.

Your daughter is doing something quite normal. As a woman now on my mid 20's it caused me no harm as i started masturbating before my teenage years and i still waited untill i was 16 before my long term boyfriend and i had anything other than a kiss and a cuddle. I have always put this down to the respect my parents showed me when i asked "difficult" questions that many of my friends are still waiting for answer to. If you are as honest and open with her as you feel comfortable then she will come to you rather than her friends when she is older.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2005):

I was told masturbating is healthy as long as it dont interfere with otherstuff. Its normal I beleive that shes just learning her body..

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A reader, schlottjl United States +, writes (10 September 2005):

schlottjl agony auntIt can't be too aweful if infant babies have been known to do it. People tend to touch what feels good. If she spent too much time alone trying to evade authority, then worry. What you leave alone will work itself out in this situation.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2005):

Try not to judgmental to her about it. And no, she won't have long term effects. But if you are worried, talk to your family doctor. A sizeable number of both boys and girls engage in prepubescent masturbation. I don't know that early masturbation leads to early sexual experimentation. But it's a known fact, that a lack of sex education leads to early sexual experimentation, so I suggest you take this as a clue to start discreetly explaining to your daughter what masturbation is in the larger context of sexual behavior, and soon.

My first piece of advice would've been for you not to call attention to it. If she discovers that "it's bad" to masturbate, it may cause some mental conflicts in her teen and adult years, or cause her to be confused or especially guilty over it. As you probably know, masturbation should be a private, guilt-free activity done in moderation for those who choose to masturbate.

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A female reader, lildeesbg United States +, writes (9 September 2005):

lildeesbg agony auntIt is normal for both male and female to start showing their sexual side at this age. Kids can get knowledge of what is out there through T.V, or have friends in school who talk about it. As a women discussing a little girl I am sure she played with dolls, and barbies and is now startng to get interested in where babies come from and what those body parts are on her barbie dolls. To answer your questions the reason she is doing this is because she learned about it, wants to try it, and it felt good and grown up. This really shouldnt cause any long term problems, i mean think about it she is expressing herself rather then being withdrawn hiding her feelings. I would think that being withdrawn would have more serious side-effects then being open to things. I think you should start having that birds and the bees talk with your daughter. Let her talk too about what she did and other sex questions or comments she might have. Make sure she feels comfortable talking to you. This is the point in her life were it is either you share a good mother and daughter bond and she knows she can come to you for anything or she keeps everything to herself and you will be the mother who doesnt know anything about her own daughter.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2005):

Hi,

Don't worry, its normal for a child to masturbate aswell. It's part of growing up, learning what feels good. it wont give her any side affects. ITS NOTHING SERIOUS

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A female reader, princess1andonly +, writes (9 September 2005):

your daughter isnt doing anything dirty or strange, she is simply exploring her body, children of all ages at some stage do this, it calms them and relaxes them, surely this is nothing to worrie about.

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