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female
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anonymous
writes: I hope you can help me with this because i just dont know what to do! I have a 10 year old daughter who is very happy- go lucky and has lots of friends. Last week i walked into her bedroom to find her straddling her bedcorner and thrusting. I told her to stop right away. Why is she doing this, and can it cause any long term side-effects or physical problems? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008): Im 11 and I started masturbating just about a few months ago. Don't tell her to stop, its something all kids will do. Plus, isn't it better than her actually having sex with someone? It feels good and it's natural so don't tell her its bad or anything.
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female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (3 March 2008):
 Oh gosh...is this posting still 'alive and kicking'?! I have a feeling the poster has (after 140 answers) finally figured out, that masturbation is pretty normal for kids this age. As Eyeswideopen once said about another long dead posting, and I quote her immortal words...."c'mon, folks, let's bury this ole chestnut" It's getting pretty stale.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): i'm now 15 and i have been masturbating for years. it is totally normal. just tell her to lock her door when she is doing it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): im now 15 and i have been masturbating for years. it is totally normal. just tell her to lock her door when she is doing it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008): im 10 and ive mastubated i dont think u should have told her 2 stop it wouldnt u rather she touch harself in that way than others
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): ok, what you did was wrong. it's perfectly natural for a child to masturbate. you should not under any circumstances tell her to stop it - would you rather her be out making unwanted babies? you should just accept the fact she's growing up.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): i am 12 and i masterbate a lot i hav loads of friends, most of time we are going though changes(puberty) and experimenting with what these changes do for us
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): Yeah just leave her alone, when I was her age I used to touch my self all the time. My mom let me do it any time I wanted around the house and even let me walk around the house naked to do it when no one was home. If you're secure about it you can even try helping her out and how to do it better. I am now 21 and got over frequent masturbation when I was 16. Be open about it and don't forget to draw boundries were needed. and if you want you can even turn it into a mother daughter bonding activity.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): At ten years old this can be normal sexual development. She may be exploring her sexuality and sex. Children are starting younger and younger these days. As her parent you need to sit her down and talk to her about this and other topics concerning sex and puberty. Purberty first of course. As weird as it may sound to her mother this could "feel good" to her. Main thing talk to her openly...not to descriptive at first....but be honest with her and tell her she will not get into any trouble if she talks to you about anything and tell her she can talk to you about anything. Stick to the no trouble thing....dont punish her for anything she says or asks. Remember it is normal development.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): Recently I was reading a bedtime story to my nine year old daughter when I realised she was playing with herself under the sheets. I stopped reading and told her that what she was doing was fine, it isn't naughty or bad, but she should only do it on her own and in private. I told her I was going to leave her alone and she could call me when she'd finished. As I closed the door behind me she'd thrown the sheets off and was lying on her back, legs apart, masturbating with her eyes closed. My wife and I talked about how best to handle it, and agreed that this was the best way. Shortly after she called out 'Daddy, I'm finished!' and we both went in to talk to her. Calmly and gently we explained that what she was doing was a very private thing and not to be done in front of anyone else, and she was fine with that. We've heard her a number of times since then masturbating in her bredroom as she seems to be quite noisy when she gets her orgasm. I'm pleased that she's learning how to get pleasure from her body, and that she does understand she must only do it in private behind her closed door.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): I think what she needs is a girl talk base on your own EXPERIENCE!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): im 11 yearz old, and my mom and dad wuldnt like it if i told them im bi. my dads religous and he would punish me for something thats not my fault. i mastrbate alot. it helps relieve stress and teenagers as young as 13 hav sez. its growing into the younger to, soon therll be 10 year olds having sex. masturbating isnt bad, but its very embarrasing for our mother to tell us to stop wen really we cant help it! the world has sexualy active 12 year olds and murderers as young as 13. parents help your child.leave them be, im telling you, if you tell em stop, theyll more likely do it more or go and use some one else. if you know wat i mean?get her sum toys and let her. would it be differnt if u walked in on a boy,parents think its okaay for boys, there horny. but grlz r more with there feminine side, let them be horny and hav a great orgasm!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): im a pediatric doctor in a wing for masturbation and sexuality my advice is to talk to her and buy her 2 vibrating dildos and a personal lubricant and if you dont have men around the house let her walk around nude and masturbate anywhere P.S my mom bought me ten vibrators expensive lubricants when she caught me mastturbating when i was ten at my 12 birthday sleep over me and 7 of my friends masturbated and had oral sex 14 times. studies have proven it will help a young girl mentaly if she can walk around her house and masturbate to orgasim whith other girls watching
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): deal with it your daughter is growing and she is going through puberty, they do things like masterbate during puberty
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): It is not wrong to masterbate, and you should retell her that it isn't wrong, I was about 6 when I first started, it's normal. But make her understand, it should be done in Private, Masterbation is normal and no there isn't any Side affects.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): First, it's not a question of morality – listen to kids themselves talking about it. Second, how do you respond. This can be quite difficult, but I think the main thing is not to upset or embarrass the child. My 7yo niece asked me to 'tickle her bottom' when I was reading to her; I asked what she meant, and she said 'Tickle me here' as she lay back on her bed, opened her legs wide and touched her fanny (through her pyjamas). I covered her up, said nothing, and carried on reading. My friend says his girlfriend's 6yo daughter sometimes used to straddle his leg when he was sitting reading and rub herself against him, till he or her mother told her to stop. I'm telling this because I think lots of young girls – some very young – want to explore their sexuality. Sometimes they'll use other people to do it. How you respond is very important. In my case I talked to my niece's mum and we decided to keep it very low-key, ignore it if what she was doing was ok, and if it wasn't, tell her she was doing something that should be private, not done with or in front of other people. Of course children need to learn boundaries that will protect them against abuse; but they need to learn them without being embarrassed or humiliated about innocent masturbation.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): umm no i am 11... I just started and there's nothing wrong with it..it is just exploring your body and it feels good and it's better she does that then run off and have sex with some guy soo give her privacey just let her because it's a very good feeling... i mean very good
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): I am 10 and I love to masterbate! I do it ever day, sometimes 2 or 3 times. I use my skipping rope handle to masterbate with and it feels lovely. At then end I get my whats it called organ something and it is just brilliant! It makes me fell sooo good!!! There is nothing wrong with it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2007): It's kind of a privte thing, as long as she's safe with the wood.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007): Masturbation is perfectly normal. The way your daughter is doing it may not be the best though. If you choose, have a talk with her and explain a better way to masturbate.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007): im 10 your probally thinking why should i lisen to her? well im 10 its happend to me i feel horrible now my mom wont stop staring at me!!!!!!!! its not bad its perfectly normal. my mom wont let me shut the door or lock it when i want to be alone enymorre i feel like im in jail my mom wont let me have sleep ovas with my friends or enything I NO UR GOING TO LOOK AT THIS AND NOT READ THIS BUT PLEAS DO!!!!!!!!!!!! and realy leav her be talk to her or somthing ENYTHING! just dont do wat my mom did plz taker my advise iv been thru more then u prob can think............
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): okay... i recently walked in on my daughter as well and when i mean recently, i mean last night.....as a female , a mother and a nurse when i first walked in...like the other mother did....i went into shock, u say the first thing that comes to mind....which is usually "stop it" or "don't do that". i know that it is normal...but knowing and seeing it, esp. ur little girl is so different...so to all the ppl on here that is saying all this hateful, mean things to this women esp the guy that said it was her fault and that she is putting her sins onto her daughter...u must b crazy do everybody a favor and shot ur self....until it actually happen to u...u have know idea how u will react....i will admit my first initial response was not good but after the shock wore off my daughter and i had a long talk.....i explained to her that she didn't do anything wrong and exploring ur body is a part of growing up but i don't feel that u r ready for that kind of exploration...we had the did anybody touch, where did u get this from talk and everything....i think i got my point across for her, for me i am still a little disturbed about it, which is what brought me to this post....don't get me wrong, i don't think it's disturbing to me because i think it is a bad thing because i don't..i just don't think i was ready to see it ever especially not at 10 ..this is my only baby and i guess i am not ready for her not to b....it's like when u finally realize that there is no santa claus...u r a little sad inside....i just got a reality check last night...my baby is not a baby any more...she is growing up...so, i guess my question is....how do i stop her (just kidding)
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): I honestly think spewing hate out at the woman isn't helping her. Using this post as a means to rant out your views and resentment towards religion doesn't make you appear emotionally intelligent either.
This woman needs to view why she was upset and shocked. She needs to review what the rules and standards of her home are. She gets to choose what she teaches her daughter. Not you or anyone else.
Anger, hatred and those who indulge in masterbation- I think you all need to step back and stop pushing your believes and views on it.
She needs to do some thinking. She needs to decide.
There were many helpful people who gave her question considerable thought and answered her in a respectful manner.
She will look over those posts over the angry and resentful ones.
I do think she is capable of an intelligent, adult thought process which many of you demonstrated you do not own.
Back off already.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): The problem isent your daughter its you! but your not alone,religion has shoved it down our throats that masturbation is a Sin. The more religious the more Sinful, the more ignorent,the more shameful,= less communication about the wonders of sex! Any parent that would ask their daughter "why are you masturbating" is filling her with religious guilt, it shows total and complete religious ignorence on your part and your daughter will see this in you!.Asking a stupid question like that can devistate a daughters trust in you for ever, you will always be the last to know anything, including her having sex and wonder why she,s pregnent with a scumbag, then you will prey to god as to why me god, I was such a good parent and she was such a good girl! we all know god never answeres pryers(ask mother therisa she knows)If he could he would proberbly say it happened because you were an ignorent uncaring lowsey parent full of religious sexual guilt who chose to put all your guilt and religious fear on the head of your own daughter who may require therapy (that alone )could screw up her mind for ever. You need to go prey now and ask god to deliver you from evil and the evil you have planted in your daughters mind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): Hey, You should pray about it and do whatever God tells you to... Masturbation isnt unhealthy in a Medical sense... but if she becomes chronic she'll probably "want something new" as a poster said earlier... this means once she gets tired of doing it herself.. she may get someone else to do it... then it will move to sex...and that wouldnt be good... remember, we're progressive humans... first well lie in our parents arms... then we roll on the bed... then we crawl... then we stagger... then we walk... next thing you know we're running.... Take that example and place it in Masturbation...I'm not saying it wrong... but it can be dangerous.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): My first thought would be, has someone interfered with your daughter? While it is true that children do enjoy exploring their bodies, it is not as natural as suggested above for a little girl to masturbate so early. The incidence of interference with young children is a lot higher than most people are aware, and many try to cover it up as being 'natural' or 'sexy'. Children are not being sexy, they do not even understand the concept of sexuality until they are older. While they are completely natural and uninhibited as they should be, this is innocence and not sexiness.
Perhaps she has never been interfered with, and that is what is to be hoped, but my advice would be - carefully - check it out.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): Make sure there are no splinters,and let her enjoy.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): This is typical of ignorent religious mothers,who are told by their priest masturbating is a SIN. Jesus or priest or the bible or God or government can not put an age timeline restriction on masturbating or even sex, Only human nature can. In the 1700 a prominent doctor found that pree-teens teenagers, sex deprived widows, pregnent women who were no longer touched by husbands once pregnent, wifes of soldiers gone for years all seem to have the same malady "Hystaria" that included being rude,difficult, unsociable, moaning, screaming behind closed doors,(sexual frustration)that included cronic masturbation, a SIN (doing the devils work).She was sent to the nuns for punishment of the effected parts,those that could not be cured were sent away to insain asylums! Its time you took your head out of religion and start being a mother to your normal 10yo girl. A girlfriend had a ten year old girl that started being difficult,rude to her mom, crying for no reason,till she caught her in bed with her hand over herself, she sat with her and explained masturbation, she even showed her by masturbating her that became a nightly event every night for two weeks till she was able to continue herself, but my god what a change!she became very helpful in the house, cleaned up her room, always smiling and said she felt all grown up and responsible, and thats what they need, they are tired of being treated like a child, most are child baring young adults wether you like to hear this or not, get used to it and give them respect of knocking on their door before entering! she now told mom everything without being ashamed and loved it, then there were other parents at soccer games that came up to my girlfriend and said how do you do it, your girl is so polite, I think mine is doing drugs, the other one is haviing sex and they both hate me!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): Hi, I reasontly became an MD, and after looking at the responses above i felt like i needed to intergect. It is perfectly normal for children to "epxlore" there bodies, or even to just plain masterbate. though i wouldnt recommend buying her a toy, it propably would be prudent to explain to her that an object such as her bed post may damage her vagina. The best thing for you to do is to have a grown woman who she trusts to have a sit down with her and explain the basics, and perhaps, some safer ways she can masterbate. Im sure she is perfecly healthy, mastebation is a most basic way we as humans can cope with stresses, and telling her it is wrong to masterbate will only confuse her later on and impare her ability to regulate her own emotions.
Good Luck, the fact that you saught advise here indicates that you are a caring father/mother and are simply concered for her well being.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): I am 16 and It is completely safe and normal for your daughter to do these types of things and exibit these types of behaviors. she was doing this in the provocy of her own room, with the door shut, thus it is her buisiness, as it should be. allowing her to have a private life(while doing it safely) is what is healthiest for ALL children. I definatly WOULD NOT recoment offering her a sex toy to masterbate with! Were I in her place, i would rather be left alone. It would appear time to have a female that she looks up to explain to her the importance of waiting for adaulthood to experience sex with another person.
ALSO I NOTICED THE DEVIENTS THAT RESPONDED ABOVE ME, TO ALL OF YOU CREEPS, JUST LEAVE, YOU ARE NOT WELCOME!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): just let her know that i wasnt cool and that shes too young to be doing that where did she learn it from maybe she feels like shes ready for sex and its time to talk to her about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2007): Let her exploer her body!!!I'm 16 and have been masturbating since i was 11. It's never done me any harm and has helped me to cope with my life and relationships. I wouldnt get her a toy, at ten she's too young!But i would let her know its a perfectly normal thing to do!
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reader, mandys mom  +, writes (2 August 2007):
I too once walked in on my daughter masturbating. She is 11. It was late at night and she was in bed. I just went to check on her and when I peaked in I could see the sheets on that part of her body moving. I knew what she was doing and I didn't say anything at all about it. Self exploration is only natural. We have ALL done it. I wouldn't recommend buying toys like some people on here have said. Those are meant for adults. As long as she is behind closed doors, let her be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): MASTURBATION IS NORMAL for children as they are learning about their bodies. Your daughter does not have a problem. Sorry, but you, the mother, have the problem. Please let her explore her body in the privacy of her own room!! Please KNOCK before entering her bedroom and give her time to stop masturbating or from doing whatever she is doing. Talk with her truthfully about her body in a calm manner. If you yell at her or keep walking into her room without knocking or forbid her to close or lock her bedroom door you will cause psychological damage that may take years of therapy to resolve.
I should know--I was in Second Grade and going through a very stressful time as we had moved to a new town and the other children were very mean & teased me alot. I found that masturbating helped to relieve the stress. HOWEVER, when my mother "caught" me "doing it" (masturbating), she got upset and would not let me close or lock my bedroom door. If she saw that the door was closed, she would open my bedroom door to check that I wasn't "doing it". She even checked on me after I went to bed to make sure that I wasn't "doing it." She also took me to the doctor to determine why I was masturbating. Sometimes children get a urinary tract infection or a yeast infection from taking a bubble bath or from food or other allergies. Since the doctor didn't find any infection, he performed invasive exams--cystoscopy (looking at the bladder through a catheter), a barium enema with xrays, and other physical exams.
To this day, 20+ years later, whenever I visit my parents' house, I cannot lock the bedroom door and my mother still checks on me after I go to bed to make sure that I am not "doing it". I have been taught that that part of my body is very "evil". I am still single and can not tolerate having a pelvic exam done nor can I tolerate physical affection from a man.
So do your daughter a favor and let her explore her body and remember to knock on her door before entering. She will thank you later in life as she becomes a woman who can enjoy relationships with a man and you will be thankful because of the grandchildren you will enjoy because you allowed her to develop healthy, positive feelings about herself and her body. GOOD LUCK & GOD BLESS.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): do NOT teller her to stop! that can really mess her up later. tell her its ok, and that youll knock next time!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007): im 11 and i masterbate, it feels good and its not wrong, i mean no one likes to hide things right? well ur daughter is not gross for doing this, she is just normal. and talk to her about it, and get her a toy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007): Well, I'm 13 and I know you probably don't exactly want to take advice from a 13-year-old but I'm fairly intellegent and I've also been masturbating for quite sometime now. Masturbating is a way for your daughter to explore her body; you know what it's like being a young girl. I'm not exactly sure a "toy" would be the best choice though, because with a toy she'll know more what it'd feel like with a penis and well obviously better then masturbating so she'll want sex more. I really do believe you should talk to her about sex and inform her more therefore she'll know more about what she's getting herself into and won't make bad choices along the way. I've also studied up on the side affects of masturbating because I'm very careful and wouldn't want anything bad to happen. There are no bad side affects to masturbating; unless she starts sticking forn objects up there then are dirty. The might contain germs and could give her an infection, before considering a "toy" you really should teach her about infections and stuff because that wouldn't be too fun.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2007): it is PERFECTLY normal! dont get her a toy but sit her down and let her know it's 100% normal. if you discourage it then she'll do it even more but f you encourage it then she'll do this rather than having sex with a boy and ending up pregnant at a young age! if you tell her no she'll turn to sex with boys. and you should really give your daughter some privacy. it's alright as long as she does it in PRIVACY without worrying who is going to walk in on her!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2007): im 12 and ive been masturbating for 2 years. its perfectly normal. and i love it!!! it makes me feel sexy and good. ask her if she wants a toy. if she does get her one. and knock on her door when you go in. masturbation should not be shared with parents!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): you see how many girls and boys play with there thing and most girl finger there little holes at a younger age because they can come and boy dont do it till 10yo or older age i say the same thing GET HER A DIDLO AND TELL HER ABOUT SEX ALL OF IT HOPE I DID NOT MAKE YOU MAD FOR WHAT IM SAYING BUT IT THE TRUE
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): We bought a vibrator for our daughter on her 12th birthday because some time earlier we had a mother/daughter talk and she said she's been masturbating for a couple of years and wanted to try something new. I think it's better than having her experiment with boys or men. Masturbation never harmed anyone. I would suggest you talk to her and buy her a toy to let her know she's not doing anything wrong.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2007): Please tell her that it allright to masturbate and that most people do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): Everyone explores there body at a young age. Its a known fact. Even toddlers they touch there selves and rub. Were human we do this. She is starting to be in the stages of a young teenager. The best thing you can do has a parent is sit down and talk with her. Dont hide it and think that it will go away. Your her parent "have the talk".Just remember she has feelings. And that you will be there whenever she needs to talk to you
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): no it can t it is part of life
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female
reader, penta +, writes (25 June 2007):
 The problem is that you walked into her room without knocking. Masturbation is normal. If you have a problem with it, please don't make it her problem. And knock next time.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): As a father of 4 girls, all now grown up, believe me this is not unusual. Girls from a very early age mastubate in one way or an other, all you can do is sugest they keep it private, good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): Leave her the hell alone,if tell her not to do it she'll want do it more.Maybe you should join her.
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