A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Few months ago i found out my fiance cheated on me. He NEVER told me he was messing around (for a good while). I found out on my own and confronted him about it. First he denied everything saying she is just a friend and was not with her intimately. Later I find out she is pregnant and is claiming its his baby. Then he tells me another story it was one time and he (a manager himself) was weak and stupid. I basically left everything to be with him and he does this to me in return. Then suddenly I kept getting private calls several times a day with nothing being said on the other line. Of course it was the other 'girl' calling and torturing me. At one point saying she's pregnant with his baby.I left him for good. I couldnt be with someone who betrayed me like that. I deserve better than him. Till this day, 4 months later, he still contacts me almost EVERY single day (email, calls, sending gifts) saying he loves me and misses me and wants me to come back to him. I contacted him few times and when we do talk we end up arguing. He tells me that he knows its his baby and he has to help out. This girl sleeps around, how can he know its his. He's not even denying it to me. And on top of that he blames me for leaving saying he didnt tell me to leave. He likes to put the blame on me rather than look at what he did, too. Then when he doesnt hear from me, he sends me messages saying i love you/miss you/why dont you answer me back. I do feel he is going crazy. It's like two diff. personalities. I told him several times to leave me alone, i dont want him and to go be with the other girl like he did behind my back and to stop contacting me for good. But he doesnt listen. He still says im the love of his life and one day we will be together with our own family. : o Why is he still doing this? Any good advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): to my last anonymous response...stay strong girl and dont let him use you. you're worth more than that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): Oh My God!! Reading this was like telling my own story word for word.From the things he said to the calling all the time for wks.The only difference is that he cheated not only once but twice a year apart.When ever I ask him whats going on its always some lame excuse.You are much stronger than me cause I let the bastard back and regret it everyday. All day he calls me saying "I love you," "Just thinking of you." "Cant wait to get home to you." "Please dont leave me,I cant live without you."
He says he changing to be the man I want him to be but here it is 3wks later and once again Im finding txt msg from his first baby momma about how much she love him,pics of her vagina,what she wants to do to him sexually.In the 5ys we've been together he has always said how he hates her from not letting him see his son and not naming his son after him.Since December,I've found out that he cheated on my twice during the time I needed him the most after my miscarriages.I found out that he had a baby on the way and the 'girl' whose 10yrs younger than us,I found out from a txt she sent.I don understand his obsession with females sending him nasty pics.Ive asked him several times why is he engaging in sexual conversations with other women.
After denying it,his response is that he cant control what other people do.The really trip out part is I've been checking his phone everyday and he and his baby momma calls each other several times throughout the day.Several of the calls is before/after he calls me.He dont know that I know this.
I hate him,I really do but Im 33 and my biological clock is ticking loudly.After losing 2 babies I so desperately want to be a mother.Motherhood is my ultimate joy.So as much as I hate to say it,until I get pregnant I just will have to keep quite which will be soooooo hard.
Thanks for expressing yourself,it just confirms more that I need to leave him.It was like reading a script.But I will have to eat it up for right now....selfish or not
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): It sounds like he is mourning the loss of your relaionship and he obviously did not think you would find out about his cheating and worse still that she would get pregnant.
He is getting his come uppance and it serves his right. It sounds as though you know where your head is at and you know that he is not right for you. Keep this at the forefront of your mind.
He is a liar and a cheat and needs to sort out his life for the sakes of his unborn child. He made his bed and needs to lie in it and he is no longer your concern.
The arguement thats he is causing is a coping mechanism for him, he knows that he has lost a good thing and this is the only way of keeping you close by getting an emotional reaction out of you through the arguing. By arguing you are showing that you have an opinion and that you are still unsettled, possibly confused and that you stil; care. For him this communication may be better than none at all. That is why after the argument has settled the missing you feelings start to set in and he realises again that you havent called and that he is losing you so he trys and alternative method of trying to win you back with the nice talks that he gives you.
I would suggest that you end the arguement, get your closure and move on. Stop answering his calls and return any gifts.
You have been betrayed and have suffered a loss but are trying to move on. Dont let him stop that. He is throwing his toys out of his pram as he is not getting his own way (keeping you) and has been found out.
Forget him girl!! and keep moving forward. One day you can be friends but for now think about you, you and you! Good luck. I think you are going to be o.k.
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A
female
reader, Honor  +, writes (14 February 2008):
Perhaps he truly did love you and saw the error of his ways and now regrets. Or perhaps it is could be him wanting to have his cake and eat it. But truly do you think you can ever be with this man again? Be honest to yourself - you will never trust him again ever, you will always have doubts and paranoia each time he is out, if he is ever late getting home, if he goes to work etc. Not to mention if this child is his - then this woman and child will be around forever and perhaps a constant reminder to you. So that in reality is what it would be like.
It sounds like you were doing well and seeing sense to say you deserve better. I think you need to stay away from him as the reality I described is not what you would want from a relationship. Just be honest to him or change your telephone number and email addresses. Just ignore him - the fact that you do reply and try to talk to him gives him hope that you are wanting to work it out. So I say cut him out completely and yes you do deserve better!
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): although he might still love you he is an idiot for cheating on you in the first place and does not deserve you ignore and him and soon he may go away if he does not leave you alone tell someone an get the police or some one to warn him to leave you alone
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