A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend cheated on me a couple years ago with his ex wife. I figured it out and he finally admitted it about a year ago. We have been working on it and overall it is better, but I still have major trouble with one aspect of it. He slept with her, washed off, didn't shower, then 36 hours later slept with me. I didn't put all that together until months after I found out and he admitted he didn't shower because there wasn't one available. I remember smelling sex on him that day. I questioned it and he swore on everything that it was just sweat. I wanted to believe it, so I did. So now, I get totally grossed out. I feel contaminated. I almost feel like he put her bodily fluids in me against my knowledge. I remember the smell and how he had sex with me knowing she was still on him and I get so disgusted. Why does this one particular aspect eat at me so bad to the point where I just want to shut down sexually. Like sex is nasty now, like it is something that is dangerous, it is almost traumatizing and takes effort to overcome my thoughts.
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 What you are feeling is anger at your bf cheating on you. What you are feeling is normal, you are hurt, the trust in the relationship is gone and you have no where to turn.
I suggest you find yourself someone, a minister or unbiased friend or even a counsellor to talk to. You need to come to terms with what has happened and so does your bf. You will have to set boundaries that if overstepped with mean the termination of the relationship.
These feelings you have even with counselling are not going to disappear overnight, but you and your bf need to discuss what has happened and decide the best route forward.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): I can understand the way you feel, as contaminated, but think of your side, it helps you to be little bit happy, in your life, you might have had such same kind of relationship as your partner, am I right? and as far as I know those who had such past history will defiantly have to face such present with present partner, so forgive him and keep going if he is open about it and make sure, he must be open always as he is, and that is the only option you have.
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