A
female
age
41-50,
*olita
writes:Dear friends,dear friends,Your advice has been extemely valuable and made me deal effectively with many issues in the past. I have been dating this guy for almost 2 months. the last time i want to his place i was not in a very good mood and he asked me what was wrong. I asked him to guess and after some thought he asked me whether the reason of being upset was that he was not calling me as often as before. This was not the reason of being upset but in any case i asked him why this was the case.He replied that this was because he wanted some time alone to think.. I was taken aback by his rensponse, and after complaining about some other things he said to me the other day, i told him not to " struggle" for this relationship and he said ok. I immediately regreted telling him this so and i asked him if we could give a second chance to our relationship. He said that he wanted some time to think and admitted that we had great chemistry in bed but he did not like the fact that i was talking in a condescending way about some people. I left his flat and just told him that we are going to find what we want. The next morning i text him telling him that i'm prepared to give him time and space to thing and he replied " give me some spece". It's been a week and i havent heard from him...shall i assume that is over? Have i reacted frantically and ruined the relationship?? Please help!! Many thanks
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (9 December 2010):
 Bad sign, 2 months of being together and he already needs space? You guys barely know each other. Sounds like there's more problems than your letting on..or he isn't too wild about what he knows about you so far. The thing about this "space" business is the person wanting space generally specifies for how long they need space. 2 weeks to a month, whatever is needed. But in your defense you need to be updated about what is going on, not left in the dark. I wouldn't say it's over, there was no "break" ( yes, even if the guy says he wants a break that still means you're breaking up) mentioned so I would give him another week and then ask him where he stands. Does he need more time and space, if so can he be as so kind to give you a rough estimate of how much longer he needs?
A side note, it's also up to you if you want to sit around and wait for him to collect his thoughts..Like I said it's a bad sign that 2 months in, he already needs a timeout. So you might want to move along and pass this guy up.
A
female
reader, apple89 +, writes (9 December 2010):
i agree with the first replay... dont wait for him unless you think he truely is worth your time.. its not fair to leave people wihtout any sort of explanation and you deserve better.. everyone deserves an explanation to why breaking up and not be avoided with "we need a break" the way he did...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): He said he wants "space" because of condescending remarks you made about "some people." That is very vague. You should have tried talking to him then and there what remarks were these, if anything let you explain yourself and at least give you a solid reason as to why these comments affected him so much. I mean these comments could be a part of the reason but I don't think it is the whole reason why he wants out. When men are dating a girl they want his friends and family to like and approve of her. Perhaps some people didn't approve and he is taking it to heart. Either that or there are certain traits in your personality he did not tolerate and could not overlook. Perhaps he found you to be gossipy? Or not that nice or tolerant of other people? I don't know, that is why it would have been best to ask him specifically what bothered him so much.
In any case it does sound like it is over. I would not wait around for his call/return. Do not go chasing him. Let him be. If he cannot accept you then leave him alone. The only reason I would contact him is if you want to know why he specifically got turned off. But NOT to get back together. He is turned off so let him be. Don't be pathetic and chase someone that doesn't want you.
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