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He argues with me, just because. Will our counselling be a waste of time?

Tagged as: Faded love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 October 2007) 5 Answers - (Newest, 19 October 2007)
A female United States age 41-50, *rbrowneyz writes:

So I'm with a 32 yr old and I'm 26...when we met we got along sooo well. Then we moved in and found out he gets bothered by the toilet tissue being downside or if something is laying there for more than 20 min, etc. He has a really bad temper and gets annoyed and irritated very easily. We fight alot about money becuz for 8 mths he took care of me and I didn't work and he resents me for that because by now he would have had alot of money saved, etc. I wasn't independent or anything. Then we had a baby. He got even more stressed but stick stuck in there. So now I'm working, going to school ft..etc. We still fight and disagree about alot of stuff but he takes it to the extreme of we are just not compatible yet when we are not fighting everything is absolutely perfect. He fell out of love with me and I did him becuz he mentally abused me for the resentment he has toward me. I love him so much but not in love with him and I want to keep my family together. Can you fall back in love with someone? We are getting counseling soon. But is it a waste?

View related questions: money, moved in

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007):

The thing is he doesn't control me. He just has these little things that irritate him. Such as when I wake up...he told me why didn't I turn off the ceiling fan and the baby's monitor when I woke up? Or leaving baby wipy's here and there which I know I should throw away but he makes comments on those things. Most of it is about money though. He said he needs a woman that can put 1/2 into the bills. We have a lot of issues but if he didn't bitch so much and have so many standards than we would get along great. I'm just so confused!

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A male reader, Tommy7 United States +, writes (19 October 2007):

Once you learn his quirks you can start to win his heart. Do little things for him, plan some dates, and start a hobby you think he might like.

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A female reader, ladysuzanna Canada +, writes (19 October 2007):

ladysuzanna agony auntyou do not hate someone because you help them you do it becomes you love them seems to me i think it would be hard to share his life with any women and if he gets mad for toilet seat and other things i don't think you want someone you always have to fight with i think this person does like himselves how can he love a women he likes to control you life i know it hurts but find some who does not care about stupid little things but been happy with the gifts god gave him a child and maybe the best women he very have in his life good luck

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A female reader, this_years_love Canada +, writes (19 October 2007):

this_years_love agony aunti have to dissagree with rcn on this one.

it sounds like he may have OCD.

one of my closest friends has OCD and has to have little things her way...for example we will be watching tv and i will turn the volume up and if it is lets say at 15 she will ask if i can change it to an even number. she likes dryer and washer lids closed at all times, and orders things a lot. wikipedia has a lot of really good information on OCD and the symptoms. there are also a lot of videos on youtube that have sufferers explaining it-it's really worth checking out especially if you know or think you may know somebody with OCD, it will help you a lot to understand their behaviours. keep in mind that this is a mental illness and it's not out of selfishness that people do these things-it's a compulsion that people do to relieve anxiety and stress. so if things aren't how he thinks they should be-even little things like toilet paper he will become anxios and stressed-(more likely to lash out)-until it is how it should be.

OCD is also commonly linked to depression.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (19 October 2007):

rcn agony auntI can't believe he's like that over the toilet paper. You should get him on of those enlargement pumps and complain because it's just not long enough.

It sounds as if he's living an altered reality. Lets have everything perfect so my perfect little schedule and life can move down this road with absolutely not bumps in the road.

It sounds like he wanted you to move in but didn't realize somethings may change a little bit when you did. It's not a compatibility issue as much as it is learning to compromise.

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