A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Has any of you ever been very deeply in love with a person, and then after (in my case 2 years) awhile they decide they don't want to be with you anymore?What did you do? How did you handle it/carry on?(He had a ring, we planned to get married...and then he just walked away)I started talking to him again after 4 months, and he told me we could get back together, then the next week he said no, and that he just wants to move on.So I've pretty much just locked myself in my room for this past month crying. If I see him I dodge him and he seems to be doing the same.I just want to be with him so bad, I've been crying since October, and I'm tired of it. It's so silly I know, but I love him more than I love myself, my family, anything. He was my world.
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female
reader, doppleganger  +, writes (3 April 2012):
Eat, drink, cry, lock yourself in your room, watch sad movies. MOURN.
When you get tired of it (and you will) and you seem like you're getting there, get up, wash your hair, put on some make up and go out, even for a walk.
However much you feel like your world has ended, it hasn't! It has just started! Look forward to having more time for yourself, planning your day how you want to, feeling those butterflies after meeting someone new! Don't worry your meant to be will come along and never make you feel like this again. This guy just wasn't.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): The fact that you are getting fed up with being fed up is a good sign. You have to go through a process and you will turn a corner and suddenly realise that a weight has lifted off you. There is much good advice here from other respondents, it helps to know other people have made it threw and come out smiling - just hang on to that.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (3 April 2012):
 Yes, happened to me acouple years ago and took me as long to get over.
I learned a very important lesson from it and that was to NEVER make someone else maore important in your eyes than yourself...because if they go...there goes your world with them.
The old saying 'love yourself' seems really overused, but it is a very wise thing to do. We all come into this world as single beings and we all leave the same way. As humans we are programmed to mate up and procreate but love is a very fleeting thing and there are no guarantees that it will last a lifetime.
You pinned all your hopes and dreams on this man and it is grief for those lost dreams that you are suffering with now. You kept nothing in reserve for yourself, no protection or respect or comfort...no love, and that is why you feel so bad right now.
It's hard to accept when something you believed so much in doesn't work out. It seems unnatural and your mind absolutely cannot figure it out, but statistically most relationships never work, however far they have gone along the 'happy' path and that's why people get abandoned after weeks, months and sometimes years of being together.
You do need a fresh start and a new horizon and focus. It's the only real way to help yourself move on and get your life back on track.
The male responder here said he moved away, and that is a very sensible and healing thing to do but if you can't move away, then you need to re-organise your life so you never come into contact with your ex or go anywhere that reminds you of him.
It's a time for looking at yourself and doing things that will heal you...so love yourself and then some, because you are the most important ally that you have to get through this.
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): My husband of 8 years went to work one day and din't come back he went to his lover, left me and his children without a second thought Yes I was deeply in love.His children worshipped him until that day too. I got over it moved on I didnt have a pity party for months
You let these men decide your fate OR you make the choice that they are not going to ruin the rest of your life
I would never wanna be with somebody who didnt want me and if there is doubt then he does not want to be with you
Dry your tears stop hiding away your life needs living
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): Yeah, it was 1988, and it took a long time to get over it. Give yourself a year, don't get involved with anyone else to quickly and watch out for your "rebound" relationships.
Exercise, eat right, take care of yourself, and remember that people do this for their own reasons, and you may never really know the full story. He may have had childhood trauma issues, he may have had fear of commitment, he may have even had fear of you. He may have other issues that he won't tell anyone for 30 years, if then.
You aren't worthless, you aren't less than because of this, you are simply someone who another person didn't feel they could make a relationship work with.
At least he didn't do this AFTER the marriage, to much of that around.
Be good to yourself. Good luck. It really does get better if you hold to what you know to be true, and if you loved him, you know that you did, and hold to that and never be ashamed.
I'm a guy, I was the one left holding the ring, the job, the place I'd found work, etc. She was the one who walked away from all the plans and dreams. She never had to answer all the questions and be the one that was "left behind".
It's hard.
Take your time getting over it. It took me around 2-3 years to get mostly over it.
The first year was definitely the hardest and I could start crying if I talked about it at all, so I didn't. I finally I got over it completely after I moved away from the place where we'd been supposed to start our lives together, as I worked my way along my career path and could move on and have a fresh start.
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