| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I recently ended things with my partner of 7 years around a month ago, things fizzled out a long time ago as i felt like i loved him but wasn’t in love with him and stayed with him purely for our two young children. I went online and was chatting to this guy who is also separated with kids and i felt like there was a connection instantly, he came over and things got heated very quickly and i felt like there is a sexual chemistry that i’ve not had for years, i felt addicted to him and cant get enough of him, i did mention to him that i could easily get attached to him quite quickly and i feel like he has now given me a wide birth he told me he really likes me too but now i have messed this up, i really don’t want my ex back at all i am just mourning the loss of our family unit which is now broken. Have i made a fool of myself with this guy?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2024): It sounds like he got easy sex from you and ran a mile as you came on a bit strong. OK so you got lonely, don't worry about making a fool of yourself as you can't change the past. You can change the future though. First you need time to heal before you think of meeting anyone new as you're too vulnerable. You need to think of the impact this might have on your children and put them first. Try to find support from family and friends and remember that sex isn't love and won't fulfil you long term.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 March 2024):
 Yes, you messed it FOR YOURSELF.
You didn't take your time to ACTUALLY getting to know this man. A month of "chatting" doesn't mean squat.
The guy could have been lying about being separated. He just wanted someone to give him sex without too much work, that ended up being you.
YOU do not know this guy.
In your head you made this into some whirlwind romance, when it really wasn't.
Someone who is SEPARATED is NOT done leaving or dealing with the end of their marriage. The end. DO NOT "date" guys who are not done with the "exit" of their last relationship.
You have 2 small kids. THEY should be your priority, not getting a new man.
But down the line when you ARE ready to PUT IN the work of finding a good partner, TAKE your time getting to know him, VET him. Make sure HE is safe to (at some point later) to be around your kids and be in your life.
He put in MINIMUM effort to get some NSA sex.
Don't be so desperate for a new romantic connection that you stop using your brains.
Focus on rebuilding your life without your partner. Finding a NEW partner isn't priority. Your kids SHOULD be.
Also, next time you meet someone GO ON DATES outside the house. If you have chemistry, GREAT!! doesn't mean you have to fuck him!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2024): To be blunt, yes you have.
You started speaking to the guy a month ago and have met him once in person, is that right? In which case, he probably saw it as just a one off get together since I presume you offered it up so easily.
Whether you miss your ex or not, it's dangerous and very foolish to be letting your emotions go ao quickly and so easily. You disrupted your family unit just one month ago and it's obviously taken a toll on both you and your children. Why else would you be acting so desperate with this new face?
My guess is he saw the desparation and ran a mile, especially if he has no children himself. If he does gave children then he has the sense to be cautious, which is something you need to grasp.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2024): You didn't make a fool of yourself but you got attached quickly, which is really annoying from a guy's perspective. You're probably smitten with the "newness" of the situation, attention, compliments, probably overshared and assumed you bonded. You want emotional bonding and intimacy of years of dating/partnership right.now. that's where the behavior was foolish - at our age (I'm your age) we're supposed to be past needing that. You also had sex too early. Don't be surprised if the dating, flirting, compliments and bonding stops and all you gave left is sex.
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