A
female
age
36-40,
*aria333
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years. We have always had a very healthy sexual relationship and get on really well as a couple. Recently he goes to bed early in order to avoid a cuddle before sleep or if is awake he refuses to touch me or have sex with me.He claims to have lost his labido! I've noticed he still gets a hard on with we kiss or during the night. I haven't bothered him with more questions as I am not getting much answer from him and he will only sulk! my question is: Has he really lost his labido or has he found a new woman? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): "you would notice signs of an affair"
Yes, but in deference to the poster's below, it does sound like you are noticing signs of a possible affair.
Read up on this "signs of infidelity" you can google it.
It may help.
Good luck, I hope for your sake and his that this turns out to be nothing.
A
female
reader, Maria333 +, writes (10 December 2010):
Maria333 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Jmtmj, when home he is always engaged with his laptop and I mean all his free time, he even takes his laptop to bed! he switches his phone off or puts it face down, he gets missed calls and when I'm busy with something he makes calls in a different room. I've never cheated or been cheated on, this would be my worst nightmare if he ever admits to cheating or leave me. Why would a normal man have a hard on but refuses to have sex? we are both passionate people and sex made a big part of our relationship. maybe by posting this question I'm hoping to hear that he is not cheating and lie to myself as reality just hurts so bad.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (10 December 2010):
 I'd lean towards saying he's lost his libido or maybe after 8 years he's just not feeling the "spark" as much.
Unless however there is a notable change in his behavior OUTSIDE of the bedroom that you haven't told us..?
You've known him for 8 years, does he act differently or suspiciously since this problem started?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): Hi!
Perhaps he could be under some stress or anxiety? Any recent event happen in his life...such as a death in the family? Or someone with a bad illness? Maybe a recent weight gain? ... that can severely affect libido in some men.
I think there is def more to it than what he is saying. Im not implying he is lying or has something to hide but I have a hunch he is just telling you part of whats going on. Pull him aside for a face to face outta the bedroom and just ask him "I feel our sex life isnt the same. Is there something on your mind that you wish to tell me as I feel its important we communicate everything to each other since we are partners" ... something to that effect. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): There could be any number of explanations for this, apart from the possibility that he is seeing someone else.
Have a talk to him, not about the sex, but about other aspects of the relationship. Ask him whether you have done anything to upset him,or whether something outside of the relationship has upset him. And listen.
I hope it works out for you.
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