A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ive been living with my BF for 8 years. He is a great guy. Could not ask for more. I started a new job in 2006 and worked with a guy for three months before he left to go to another job. We had a lot in common as far as our current relationship situations. There was an obvious attraction between us, mind and body, however no action was ever taken. I have not been able to stop thinking about him for a year. I have only seen him 2 times since he left my workplace. We call each other to check in occasionally. He has a girlfriend whom he has lived with for 3 years. I am pretty sure he has some of the same feelings as I do. Am I just obsessed or is there a reason I cannot get him off my mind? I can't help but to think that there is a reason our paths crossed.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (22 May 2007):
 I should have mention this, you need to get the dust off your relationship with your boyfriend. Don't get into the rut of becoming complacent. Re-kindle the romance and be thankful you have a great guy.
A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (22 May 2007):
You need to stop contacting the other guy. You have both already started cheating, emotionally. There is a reason you're asking this question. It's because you know in your heart that when you talk to him, it makes you feel great. It will happen again too, with another person. To have the feeling of attraction is not cheating. To dwell, plot and nurture those feelings are inappropriate.
You described many good points about your boyfriend. What you need to understand is you already have the entire package. The problem is you don't realize it yet. Attractions come and go, we're built to experience urges and feelings. They are not wrong or bad, as long as they remain in your head. You're heading in the wrong direction though.
If it's OK to call him, knowing there is a mutual attraction,would it be OK to meet for coffee? If it's OK to meet for coffee, would it be OK to have him stop by the house for a drink? If it's OK for him to stop by for a drink, would it still be OK if your boyfriend was out of town?
My point is this, you're trying to fool yourself into believing it's Ok to carry on like he's just a buddy. He's not, because you're attracted to each other. I go to the corner for a beer with my friends, not to bed. I go to the football game with my friends, based on love for the sport, not attraction to my friends.
You are on the slippery slope. Innocent meetings turn into nasty affairs. Would you be happy if your boyfriend got excited every time he heard from a certain woman. Would it bother you if he took extra time preparing himself to meet up with a female "friend" ? This guy is not a friend. Get that straight. Nor are you a friend to him. You are both threats though. You to his girlfriend and him to your boyfriend. There is not much honour in carrying this further. Drop it before you slip too far.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2007): Take a long, hard look at your relationship, and ask a few close friends. Is everything, including sex, as good as you think it is?
If it is, be strong - move on from the other guy. Your relationship is worth saving, and the other guy is an unknown quantity - not worth hurting your current guy for.
If it's not, break up now, not because of the other guy. Then gradually get in contact, but don't put him under pressure, just drop little friendly comments about subjects you're both interested in. Become his friend first. Once you know him a bit better, you can think about taking things further, but only if he's equally keen and walks away from his girlfriend - don't just end up being the other woman.
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