A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has a very large penis and intercourse has always been somewhat painful. A few time's i've even bled or had a vaginal tear. I don't think he's ever noticed how painful it is for me and i've never expressed it to him.today was the first time we've had sex in a while because I wanted time for it to fully heal. In the middle of sex I had to tell him to slow down and finally to stop and when he asked me why I finally told him, it hurts.he looked at me for a while and finally i said okay, and he looked like he was contemplating it and he said no, he just wanted to cuddle.did I scare him? men, would that scare you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionohh and thanks grimm, I haven't been to a doctor about it yet. I just wanted to make sure I could heal and be back to normal first, which i am. So I'm thinking that as long as we take it slow in the future I should be okay. I do have some medical background, not saying that I'm always going to be right about these things because I do seek a second opinion in some cases, I just don't think that this is one of them :)
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (6 June 2009):
I wasn't meaning to have a go at you.
He's not going to be scared to touch you or be put off sex with you, he's just going to know how to please you better by slowing down a bit and maybe using a bit of lubrication when you start to get a little sore.
Be honest with him and I am sure he will understand. He obviously cares about you as much as you do about him, so it will all be fine if you talk to him.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@emilyanswers
I haven't really been lying because I do enjoy sex with him, it's just that sometimes it hurts a bit. I didn't put him before myself because I felt bad or anything it's just that I like to please him, i'd do almost anything for him and he knows that. Sometimes I do feel that I have low self esteem but in this case I don't think that it's really relevant since I made him stop before I started to feel any real pain (like in previous times) so I figured i'd just say okay, and tell him to go slow but like I said, he declined altogether.
I didn't mean to scare him or make him feel bad and I really feel bad about it now which is why I havent told him that it's hurt me before. I don't want him to be afraid to touch me out of fear that he'd be hurting me. I really had no intentions on telling him why I asked to stop, I guess I never thought it through but I couldn't just say because so I had to tell him.
& thanks, I'm definitely going to bring it up tomorrow because I'm sure it's something thats been on his mind now too
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (5 June 2009):
Yes, he'll be horrified that you've been lying and pretending to enjoy it.
He's going to feel awful.
So tell him why you felt you had to put his pleasure over yours. Do you have low self esteem? Do you think sex is the only way to get a man to stay with you?
Talk it out and be HONEST from now on.
You might actually enjoy it if you tell the truth and he takes it slowly and you go on top so you can control the depth and speed.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (5 June 2009):
 YOU BET!I would be horrified to the point of tears if I was hurting my woman during sex,and I would expect her to tell me to stop and I would comply in short order.You did the right thing, and so did he by stopping. He didn't want to hurt you. And you need to see a doctor immediately. I am no medical expert by any means, but I don't think Vaginal tears are anything to put off. I can only imagine what further damage can result from continuing intercourse if its not healed.You both did the right thing.
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