A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I always end up with guys who put me on a pedestal and don't seem interested in getting to know the real me. You know how everyone says when you notice the same pattern recurring in your lovelife, it's a good idea to look at the part your behaviour plays - well I did. I realised I put so much importance on being liked that I end up not sharing all of myself with someone, just the bits that they would like. I don't do it on purpose at all, so I don't know how to stop. So then they end up thinking I'm the perfect woman they've been looking for all their lives, then I break up with them after realising they wouldn't like the real me and they get badly hurt because they thought it was going so well.I would love to break out of this pattern - any ideas on how? I do this with friends too, I can't seem to help it! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 Stop being afraid of people.
You don't even give the guys a chance to find out who you really are. You hide yourself, and then break up before they got a chance to dig any deeper.
You already written down the problem yourself, but not why. The real why. Why do you want to be liked so much, want to appear the perfect person? If you know that, then you can work on it.
A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (4 February 2010):
 Hello, To put some clarification to this most men would think your the perfect woman because they had eventually fallen in love with you. It does not take very long to love someone. Some would say only a day would be enough to plant the seed of love in ones mind. It then grows from there every day. You are the perfect woman when you are loved and seen through the eyes of the beholder of your heart even if its for that very brief moment.
They are hurt because just when it all seems locked in and they've found a great woman, someone perfect, she dumps them. And then they are broken. It is my rough guess that you may not have felt true love yet, otherwise you would not break their hearts like this.
These men will change forever, likley. And the women they meet in the future will wonder why they play mind games, why they never commit further in the relationship never saying those three words, and why some of these men are lost souls bound to eternal lonelyness never to date again. this may happen to your self someday when you meet a guy, because some woman broke his heart when he was truly genuine.
To break out of this pattern. Next guy you meet give him a chance. he's not going to drop his hat in the middle of the street straight away and pop a ring on your finger with a big dribble, lol. common baby! And even then you still don't have to agree to the proposal. but that ages away.
You may wish to let him love you and slowly let it grow on you as well, but make it clear for the next guy that this is what others have done to you ... They fall at your feet and you have no time to gasp for fresh air and love them back, you drown in their love. Ask him for space and a little patience. and if hes a good bloke he will respect your wishes.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, red_headed_babe  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 Oh, I completely know what you mean. Guys do that to me all the time. You just have to break out of your comfort zone and say "Look, I'm not perfect. Take me or leave me." It's a little scary, but once you realize that the care about you anyway, it's totally worth it. And if they drop you because you're not the "perfect woman", they weren't worth keeping, anyway. Hope this helps. :]
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