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writes: Hi i was just wondering how many guys and girls out there are bothered by their partners sexual past?And if it bothers guys more than it bothers girls?Do you care how many sexual partners your partner has had before you even existed in their life?I know guys and girls who would only be interested in a partner if they were a virgin, on the other hand i know guys and girls who dont care about what their partner did before them!What about you? Where would you draw the line? Would you not be interested in a partner if they had of been with.....1.Only interested in virgins?2.1-53.6-104.11-155.16-206.20+7.30+8.50+9.100+10.Just not care!P.S i know that ones sexual past has more to do with than just sexual partners, thats just an example so plz feel free to elaborate :)Thx.....
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female
reader, ivangalia  +, writes (24 November 2009):
I'm months off from when this was posted, but I wanted to bring up another issue regarding a partner's sex history.The man I share my life with had a morbid fear that I had a rotten sexual history when we met, so we agreed regardless of the case to live on a don't-need-to-know basis. As life has it, turned out to be the fact that the more I learned about where HE'S been, from his own mouth and what I've found through the magic of computer files, is that he had a lot on his plate that most women wouldn't be comfortable with, which is why he put so much pressure on the idea that we "have only been with eachother." I'm still in period of wishing he had been more discreet because ignorance sometimes is truly bliss! He sexually exploited many of the women he had been with (once a heroine addict but recovered into a wonderful man), the numbers he has slept with are astronomical (fun, revenge, you name it), and there's nothing to brighten your day like finding a profile of his on one of the 23298 adult sites he used to belong to that spoke of arranging for group sex involving humiliation/domination, and role playing with his previous ex, who was a piece of drugged up work herself. Though he does not put pressure on me to do the things he used to do with all these other people, he turns to porn despite our arguments to fulfill the rest. We had agreed that he would not watch porn because of things I had went through in my life, and simply, I'm one of those women that thinks porn is great for only singles or couples who are both into it, and no matter what "men watch porn" argument anyone can give me, I believe a man's will is the main portal to taming his biological desires. It seems like a paradox at times, because he claims to be a spiritual man whose studies all correlate with my opposition to porn. Anyway, this isn't an anti-porn rant, as the problem with this is that I ended up feeling that our sexual incompatibility and this knowledge of his past soils that lifestyle that we both agreed on, which is much more conservative than anything he's used to, and that he didn't want to let this past go! I understand what the previous poster said about the awkwardness in knowing that their spouse had been in love before. For me, it was not only the love, but the fact that I wanted to feel as though he had put any physical past behind him as well.So, in short, I would recommend simply to be careful with what you disclose without thought before you and your partner want to be honest about. Sometimes, there is nothing wrong with leaving some things out. There has never been proof that giving someone every single detail about your life is going to work - we make mistakes, and horrendous ones, and the implication that we may want to recreate them could be murder of a perfectly good romance. And just as importantly - how you go about this, as I nearly cost us our relationship by being a whiny baby about it, and found that's what led him to want what he couldn't have anymore. Some care about numbers, some care about quality. In the end, if the relationship is successful, it's important for everyone involved to let the past be the past, whether you should care about it, or disclose it. I'd love to hear from people with similar experiences. New to this site and have a lot of stuff to talk about! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): I think generally guys get more hung up on their partner's sexual past than girls. I also don't think you can just use numbers to decide on potential partners either. As Satindesire said a lot has to do with baggage. My wife only had 1 partner before me and I know many guys would be cheering if their partner had only 1 partner before them but she went out with this guy for nearly 5 years and broke up with him just before we met. As a result there was a bit of break up hangover that seemed to intrude on our relationship from the beginning and that has caused resentment in me ever since. I'm also a bit of a hopeless romantic and while my wife was not my first sexual partner she was my first love. I know it's probably ridiculous but an irrational part of me feels that our love is tarnished or not "true" because she obviously loved someone else before me. (To put this in context we have been married for 13 years, together 16, have 4 kids and have never been unfaithful to each other. Ample evidence that feelings and emotions defy logic and rational thought most of the time lol)
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009): CORRECTION:
I could not talk it out of his mind, he is muslim and in his culture the girls must be VIRGIN... (a Christian woman is also OK)
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): Hi predatorrob,
There is more than just Numbers.
Like many questions here, is also your question not to reply with simple sentence if you do not think in black and white.
The answer could depend on the moment, the personality, the age, and many more items AND of your own personality (secure versus unsecure, black and white thinking versus more philosophical,etc):
To give you an extreme sample:
Must me a VIRGIN OR NOT??
A friend of mine only wanted to marry a virgin. He had an emotional and very very good sexual relation with a neighbour girl/woman. She asked him to marry several times, but he refused because she was not a virgin anymore.
I could not talk it out of his mind, he is muslim and in his culture the girls must be muslim...
He has married a virgin and now regret that he was so incredible thinking in black and white...
Personally I would not be interested in a virgin in late twenties, because I would be afraid that we will not meet each others needs, but as always, there will be exceptions.
I would be carefully with somebody who had more then... Everything is relative. if somebody had for example the first 5 relations last month, it would bother me (I mean that I would enjoy but not make future plans)
If somebody had 10 years ago ...many relations but since the last 10 years monogame, it would not bother me (experience and she likes...)
And everything in between. If you have good human knowledge and can value why somebody had many relations it's more easy to accept or even do appreciate or do not appreciate if your partner had many relations I guess.
Reading your synonym (predator) then I would be carefully if I was girl/woman.
There is more than just the Numbers to my opinion as you will understand.
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female
reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (9 February 2009):
 To be honest i dont really care about my bf's past sexual partners i know he loves me and what we have, he could have slept with a 100 girls and i still wouldnt care because he is with me not them. He loves me and wants to spend his life with me our pasts are in the past and as long as he is clean and doesnt have a child with anyone else his past does not effect me
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