A
female
age
36-40,
*eesee27
writes:Okay, I really don't know where to turn here, so I'm hoping someone can help me. I'm 22 years old, and talking to someone who is 27. We have been talking for about 2 months or so. Its a short time, but we've bonded so fast and see each other practically every day/night. We're rather opposite, however. I refused to "sleep" with him, until we are officially a couple. He's told me on several occasions that I'm amazing, he knows that I'm there for him, and while he occasionally tries to go a little further, he respects my boundaries and stops when asked. Everything was fine until he went camping with his friends for a weekend. He didn't even answer my occasional texts! He texted me when he came home on Sunday afternoon, because we had plans for him to take my puppy, since I didn't have time to. I went over to his house after work, he took the ride with me to get the dog, and we hung out at his house and watched a movie. He was very quiet, didn't really seem like he wanted me there, and didn't want to cuddle. I asked him on several occasions what was wrong, and he kept saying "I'm tired" and getting a little aggravated by me asking. We then hung out on Monday night, at a bar, because I wanted to see my puppy. Its a very very small bar, and he was with a friend. I didn't immediately go sit next to him, but after about 20 minutes I did. He looked at me, and out of nowhere said "you know, I really do like you." Throughout the whole night he kept telling me how much I meant to him, that he didn't want me to leave his life, that I would be his perfect girl, but he saw his ex randomly camping over the weekend and was now "confused." I ended up staying at his house that night per his request, but again I don't "sleep" with him and he knows that I won't. Especially given the circumstances.. He never has told me he doesn't want to be with me, he just says he's confused and doesn't know what to do. If he knows we'd be perfect, why would he try and rekindle with an ex? Its an ex I'd never heard him mention, or any of his friends mention. He's from the town over from me, and basically everyone knows everyone, so it was weird not to hear about her. Basically, I just don't know if I should make him make a choice, stop talking to him for good, or try another course of action. I really like him, so not talking to him anymore is very difficult. Also, I can't stand the thought of him being with her, so that hurts as well. Can someone please let me know if there's anything I should do in particular to get this guy? Or is it a lost cause.. Please help me!!
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female
reader, Leesee27 +, writes (3 September 2010):
Leesee27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell that makes total sense. We Hung out last night and he initiated the conversation about us, he's the one who always brings it up. He said he's scared to be with me because I'm such a nice girl and he's not used to.that. he quickly followed up by stating that that's what he really likes about me. I'm very different from his exs, in many ways. I'm in medical school and have my life very on point and he commends that, but hes afraid his lifestyle will bring me down? I don't know what he means, granted his friends and he party a bit more than I, but I still love partying :-). I just am not sure if he's being truthful with me. I feel like with everything he's told me, there would be no reason to lie. I feel as tho he's been straight forward and I appreciate that, rather than him hiding it. I just don't know if this is something worth pursuing, or if I just like him too much that I'm blinded. His closest friends always tell him that he should just be with me, that is be perfect for him and what not. I just don't know if he's telling me nicely hell never be with me, or if these "scared feelings" are real. Sorry for the novel.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (3 September 2010):
 He was flat out honest about what was bothering him and how he feels about you.
If you reward that honesty by trying to control the situation with an ultimatum you'll make him regret being honest with you to begin with.
You may as well be training him to lie.
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