A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:How can I deal with bad parent or good parent dilemma?I have 2 drug addict children. I mean they are adults now, but my children. But ,I have a terrible painful issue. I worry everyday, they might die, my life is pure suffering. We tried to bring up this kids right, we never had any substance abuse or mental health issues. But they are so down in hell, that everybody trying to look for a cause, someone to blame. Now ,here is my dilemma. When I go to my therapist ,she says, you are a great person, you could not possibly caused this, all you need to care for is you.. Take care, stop worry, dont feel guilty etc,stop helping them.... But some others, like family and some people from outside, says the opposite. ''You must caused this, you should keep helping, shame on you etc...''Well, I dont know how could this happen. How people can be so cruel? Also ,what do you think is right/ to keep helping on not? I heard it is slowing the process, others say I kill them. Believe me . I would do everything ,and i did. Spent energy , money, love.. But no result. What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): First of all, I disaggree with both your therapist and the other people telling things about your parenting. You shouldnt stop worrying and stop trying to help your children, you love them [at least your not one of those parents who doesnt care at all] you should try to help them and their your children, of course you're going to worry about them. And I dont believe that you did this to them. Everybody is an indivisual and they make these choices. Even people who have grown up with everything pull themselves into this drug addiction. Its not your fault and those people dont have the right to comment on your parenting skills.
I found a few websites that I hope help you:
http://www.drugabuse.gov/infofacts/understand.html
http://www.spiritualriver.com/how-can-i-help-an-alcoholic-or-drug-addict-specific-things-you-can-do-to-help/
I hope this helps and wish you and your children the best.
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 August 2010):
I think you did just as you said. I think you did everything, and I don't think there is anything else you can do. The world no longer chooses to blame an individual. Instead, people look for reasons. No one can just accept that your two children just became addicts of their own accord for their own reasons. I do. I know it can happen. Your therapist is totally right. You have done as much as you can, and you must now focus on yourself. Those people who judge you know nothing, because it's not happening to them. Listen to your therapist, and not everyone else.
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