A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have just started seeing a new girl. She has admitted she has never felt this way about anyone in the past, and I feel the same; this is all after only 2 months. My problem is that one of her closest male friends is someone she has slept with in the past a few times. She says she broke the physical part off after it became clear that she wanted more of a committed relationship and he didn't. However they remain close friends, and often exchange emails, and will occasionally meet up for a drink or two midweek.This makes me really uncomfortable. I know what she has with me is far deeper and better than any relationship she has had in the past. However, I cant but help think that if you have been intimate with a close friend in the past, that it would be easy to cross that line again. Especially if you are still in regular contact. Help. How should i deal with the situation? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your help guys. We actually talked about it. I said that I wasn't used to my girlfriends keeping in regular touch with her exes. She assured me she had no sexual feelings anymore. She also said she understood and that I was way more important to her so she would cut back drastically. I am happy with the turn out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): I can take the side of your girlfriend, as my husband had to go through the same thing. I met my best friend, who is a guy, my first year in college. As will happen, we ended up having a physical relationship over the years. Nothing serious, as it seems your girlfriend's relationship was. However, I am now married to the man I want to be with, and I do still consider S. my best friend. We still talk, and will forever probably. Just remember that, exes will always be there, and for some those exes remain a part of their life. It sounds like she feels about you the way I do about my husband, and I have no inclination to ever be with S. again physically. Actually, my husband and S. have become good friends as well. The only difference is, my husband told me it was bothering him and we worked it out. Try that.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (28 January 2011):
In my own personal opinion, there is no room for past lovers when you have a new boyfriend/girlfriend.
You have the right to ask her stop seeing him. I mean, he's not like any other male friend of her (any friend she didn't had sex with). Even if you were sure she wouldn't cheat on you, you would feel bad as she hangs out with someone she had sex.
I've been through the same. My girlfriend had two male friends. One of them was a real friend (she neved had sex with him). And the other one, I didn't like him from the start. I ended up discovering that guy was (as she told me once) better in bed than the rest of her ex-boyfriends. I asked her to not see him again, and not even talk to him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): I am sorry for my english (first thing)..
I know exactly how you feel because that happened to me.
One day my husband and I met a lady who worked in the past with him but I know they were more than coworkers because he told me one day. I was so unconfortable because they were laughing and talking about people that they know from that work place and I couldn't participate because I din't have any idea about what they were talking about!!
That was just one time. I talked with him about how I felt and I said how you will feel if the lady was a guy from my past and we are talking about past stuff when you have no idea about it?.
Talked with her about it and I think she shouldn't go out with him.
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