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Girlfriend think I'm looking at other women but I think she's misinterpreting my thoughts

Tagged as: Online dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 July 2010) 1 Answers - (Newest, 23 July 2010)
A male United States age 51-59, *iltop writes:

I came to the US from England to be with my girlfriend who I met online, previously we had spent a great 10 days together and decided we would like to spend more time. With Visa restrictions I was able to come for 90 days which is where we are now. It was a steep learning curve for us both finding out about each other for real on how we like to live (from our pre-conceived ideas) and we probrably moved in together too soon because of the distance before we knew each other face to face. Before I came over we talked every day either by phone or MSN. I am 46 and my girlfriend is 44.

Most of the time we are great together, I love her family values, her 12 year old daughter, her caring and loving ways. We look after each other, laugh, cry and make plans. We refer to each other as husband to be and wife to be in a light hearted way. In my past I have been dedicated to my career and moved around the UK, I was single and had come out of a three and a half year relationship before meeting. My girlfriend was married for 20 years and had a small number of short relationships after that. We had both been single for about a year prior to meeting online and have been dating for about 7 months. I am very much in love with her and want to spend the rest of my life with her.

I am a person who is sometimes quiet and loves to people watch, we often share funny comments about types of people we see from clothing to hair or teeth or lack of! On three occasions in the past month my girlfriend has been upset saying I am looking at other women. I have looked at the responses on this question and I am aware of how in significant this makes her feel. I am not intentionally looking and often if I look at the group of men and women a girl is with I am accused of looking at the girl again. I hold hands, tell her how much of a great day I have had with her, kiss her and have my arm around her but this looking at other women thing is upsetting me. I certainly don't dwell on other women, smile at them, turn my head, try and engage them. look at them up and down and her comments like would you like her number or do you want to follow her are a suprise to me! Of course I glance but I don't make a habit of it. Sometimes I am thinking about something else like food, or work or music or what to do at the weekend and just looking into space but I believe this is being mis interpreted as 'looking'. I am now being very careful who I look at but this doesn't seem to be working!

Can anyone help? Thanks

View related questions: met online, moved in, msn

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010):

Be careful these are not first signs of an obsessive, yealous person. There is nothing wrong with looking in a respectable way.Tell her your thoughts. Maybe she was cheated on before and is now a bit nervous when you "look".

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