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anonymous
writes: My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years and have a 1 year old daughter together. However, we are starting to drift apart and I'm worried our family will break up. It's been like this for about 5 months now, since my girlfriend admitted she was unsure how she felt about me. Around the same time I also discovered she had started to see someone else, by looking at her phone messages, but she assures me nothing happened.Since all this happened our relationship has been quite empty, and whenever I try to talk to her about it I'm made to feel awkward, so it tends to go undiscussed. She also refuses to have sex with me, it's been over 3 months since the last time, and this leaves me quite frustrated and resentful.I don't see how our relationship can work without trust or intimacy, but at the same time I want a stable upbringing for my daughter. Can you give me any advice?I should probably mention that otherwise we get on fine, we rarely argue and we can talk and laugh together and I do love her. i just don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): My friend, she is waiting for you to leave. She is very immature and lacks the courage and forthrightness to tell you the truth. If she is not having sex with you, she is having sex with the other person in her life.It is sad, but I have seen it happen time after time, with members of both sexes. On case comes to mind immediately.I had a young man who worked with me who said basically the same thing you have. His wife finally got tired of waiting for him to end the relationship, and told him the truth. She had a lover, and didn't love her husband any more.She left, but was back six months later - after he had handled the hurt and met a very nice young lady and was dating her. His ex tried to seduce him back into the relationship with her. But having been burnt once, he told her he was not interested. He eventually married the second young lady, who had character. They are still together after 20 years of marriage.What I have left unsaid is that you could be the problem in the relationship. You need to see a marriage councilor and figure it out. But don't waste your time trying to hold on to your wife if she remains aloof and detached. Please get help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2006): Dude, girls tend to be always confuced, so learn this:
Women should be loved, never undertood. We love them but you know how frustrated it is to try to understand them.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (21 January 2005):
 You say that you can talk and laugh together. I think you need to do this first and then gradually ease into the conversation what is bothering you. Explain to your girl-friend the importance of trust as well as intimacy and ask her whether it is due to her seeing someone else that her feelings for you have changed. I think this is the most important issue to face first.It may be an idea to see how she feels about seeing a counsellor together so that you can both explain how you feel to a neutral individual who can look at your situation from the outside. You do need to express to your girl-friend the importance of compromising and talking about your problems especially as you have a young child to consider. She must also want her daughter to have a stable upbringing?Tell her how much you love her, don't just launch into a discussion of all the things that are wrong, just help her to realise that you very much want your relationship to work and that you like to be able to express how you feel for her intimately.I'm afraid the only way you are going to reach any satisfying answers is through talking!Good luck.
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