A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Allways end up arguing with my gf about my son. It's not that she doesn't want me to see him, it's more the fact that I want us all to get along togeather. We meet about 4 years ago I lived alone my son ame to visit me every other weekend. Then I moved in with my gf and her 18 year old daughter and my son would visit every other weekend. Things seemed to be fine for a while then her daughter moved out. We started to argue about my son been around. So u started going to my parents house every other weekend to have him. But am I been un reasonable in wanting him to come to our home. She owns the house so has the final say. We get on great apart from this one thing what can I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): It's never going to work. She's too insecure and your son must come first. In time there will be a woman who appreciates the pleasure of being a full part of your whole life. Don't waste any more time on her. Life is too short for you and your son. Before you know it he won't be a child anymore.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): This is a subject that i am gettig so sick of. It is ridiculously common. I don't know what the answer is but it seems to be the norm and a serious double standard. When the situation is reversed guys get criticized like crazy. My wife and i counted up all of the people we had known with similar situations(we both work with large numbers of people) and we discovered that men are 9 times more likely to accept another mans child in their lives than a woman and often adopt the other mans child when possible. The reverse is SELDOM true. Of course it would be impossible to argue that women tend towards hypocrasy more than men. I truly love women and must assume they are as god intended. It is just sometimes difficult dealing with people who live their lives according to how they "feel" or their emmotions instead of what is "right" or "fair" or "logical". I have known many many women in my life but this has been the case with the vast majority. My wife agrees as do many of the women i know. I believe it is what makes them such amazing mothers...that unconditional love for their own and innability to feel anything close with another womens child, especially if that woman had the child with their present partner. Just stick to what you know is right and DO NOT put up with any crap from your girlfriend as you have the advantage of being innarguably right in this situation. But understand that this is truly her nature and will find it hard to be logical or fair in these matters.Also remember that a womens makeup is such that they have an amazing ability for emotion and feeling and empathy so gear any conversations towards those abilitys.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do try to understand form her point of view and feel I have given her space when she asked for it. But just last night I tried to broch the subject again and it all flared up again she says it's only a matter of time before we split anyway. Saying that if my son wants to come and live with me in the future I'd drop her like a ton of bricks. She understands this but doesn't want to chance bringing him back into our lives again ...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 February 2011):
 " Not all women can accept another person's child,especially made by the man you love with another woman and that's probably the feeling behind all it " - I guess that's true... but why, then, do these women accept to date a divorced dad to begin with ? They know the child is not gonna disappear from his dad's life . It's not like,say, dating a fat guy thinking that he can lose the weight later on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies. It's hard, I love her so much, we get on so well apart from this. I just can't see how I can let it go. She says what's the difference if I see him at my parents or her house I want him to come to my home though and see what I've been doing.. New bathroom for example.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): i am going through exactly the same thing but as the girlfriend in your post. I don't like the amount of time my husband spends with his child. He comes every other weekend and I absolutely hate it. From Thursday night I cannot sleep as I so don't want him around. I don't feel excluded I just resent the son being there as it is a reminder to me of my husbands past.Does your girlfriend want a child of her own with you? Sometimes if that is the case resentment against your existing child can occur. I now go out every weekend that the child comes and make my own amusements. My husband like you wants me to be included in 'family' things but I don't want to do it. I do understand why your girlfriend isn't happy, lack of attention, time being taken away from her to spend with him, probably not feeling comfortable with him being in her own home, jealous, resentment etc etc. I too own the family home in my own name and although i have never used this as an excuse feel strongly that if I don't want someone there that I shouldn't have to put up with it. Like I said I just absent myself from my own home! I think if you are quite selfish then you would feel like me and your girlfriend. Not all women can accept another persons child, especially made by the man you love with another woman and that probably is the real feeling behind it all.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (13 February 2011):
I think you should stand your ground. The house may be hers - but you live there too, as an equal partner . Plus , she knew you had a son when she met you so she knew it was a package deal and she knew what she would get : a dad and his son.
It's not fair that you have sort of sneak away every other weekend to meet your son. Unless of course there have been really serious issues ,like your son turning violent on her or stealing her stuff. Other than that, her demand to prevent your son from visiting where YOU live too,just based on a personal dislike, sounds bossy and selfish.
See if you can make her reason, and find out why exactly she does not want your son there, maybe it's something you can work around . ( like : too much extra cooking and cleaning ? Give her a hand )
But if you can't - then I guess you'll have to reassess your relationship and the possibility it has a future. After all, you can afford to lose a girlfriend , but you cannot afford to lose your son.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (13 February 2011):
 You are not being unreasonable at all! He is your son, you came as a package and she knew this from the start.
I am surprised she is behaving like this since she has a daughter of her own, its normally people who have never had children that struggle sometimes.
She may own the house, but it is your home too. You must stand your ground with this woman, don't leave the house on the weekends that you have your son if you don't want to, just because she doesn't like him being around... I guess your son must be sensing what is going on too, which must be very unpleasant for him.
Do you do things with your son and include her too? Do you on the weekends that there is just you and her, have quality time together?
If your answer is yes to my questions above, I would seriously reconsider whether this woman is the one for you. Our children are our world, and no way would I tolerate someone rejecting my child. When two parents split up, it is vitial that the children have stability in their lives and continue contact with both their parents on a regular basis.. I have always ensured mine has.
Don't allow this woman to come between you both....She can be replaced.... your son can't!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): She does sound a bit selfish here. Your son should be at the centre of your life and not at the edges. OK it is her house, but that should not make any difference. Be firm on this. It sounds as if she calls the shots.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): i was in the same with my wife it put stress on the relashonship over my children now wher devorced think it over
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