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Getting married so he can get his green card and now he wonders what he's doing with me?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 July 2013) 9 Answers - (Newest, 16 July 2013)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My finance told me two weeks before wedding that half of his time he is thinking what is he doing with me and he is getting married with me just because his family expecting him to. should I call off wedding??

Today we had little argument about being sick.i am not going into details of it because i think it was so small that i wouldn't evwn call it argument. I would say that was discussion which unfortunely or maybe i should say fortunately reveld what he is thinking. So long story short when we were driving to grocery store we were in awesome moods and i made a joke that he is falling apart because lately everything hurts him. Y i said that? Because whole weekend he is saying that his fingertips are so sensitive he is not able to do anything. So i made this pure joke about him getting old and falling apart. So he said i am very annoying all the time and he is sick of it because i am annoying him all the time.because we were walking in to store i kept my mouth shut thru shopping. When we left i asked him if he could explain me what is that supposed to mean. He was really saying just that my joke wasnt funny and i should stop laugh (im am 34 and he is 31 btw)

Of course it wasnt overr.then i heard that if he cannot tell me what physically hurts him he will find another girl who will listen. I was thing like omg i made this joke and what the heck???

when we got home he said that half of his time he is thinking why he is with me and that he is getting married because hes family expecting him to. As a extra i will ad we leaving togheter 5 years and supposed to get married in three weeks and this Wednesday we should go to get marriage license.

When he said that to me it hurt me so much that tears instantly filled my eyes and something stuck in my throughout and i couldn't say a word because emotional pain was extreme. I didn't know that words can hurt that much.

Now its a middle of the nite we sleep in separate rooms. And it seems like he is getting good night sleep and i am still up and hes words go ovwr and over through my head.

Also we both never wanted to get married we were ok without it but i am doing it for him so he can get his green card. We were 5 years together, leaving together planning future etc but we never felt we need to get married. Niw we decided that we will just so he can get hus green card.

And what bothers me its not part that he doesn't want to get married but the part that half of his time since we start to b together he is thinking what is he doing w me??

pls help

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2013):

he has stayed because he wants to get his green card.

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A female reader, AuntyEm United Kingdom +, writes (15 July 2013):

AuntyEm agony auntHe stayed with you just to get the green card and probably the sex!!

Yes...some people really ARE that low!!...and others are gullible!!

Dump him, find someone better!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank u so much for ur wonderful suport. I feel blessed that sonehow i found this forum.i was never person who wanted make business on relathionship. I felt like since we are so long toghether u obviously want this other half to be happy and leave in peace. I knew that being illigal immigrant is very difficult and stresful.and since we are couple i thought getting married and help him is right way to do. But the other half of me was saying that this is business for him. And last nite he confirmed that.i was affraid to say no and i thoght it would be mean. But i see that you guys think that to which makes me more confident and secure whit thoughts i had. Thaaaank

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

To answer ur q. When we decided that we will get married for gc he said marriage nothing change in our relationship. Reason for y we didn't wanted to get married when we met is ; we both did b4 and it didn't woked out. So when we met 7 years ago we discuss it and we borh agreed that we do not need piece of paper to be happy.at some point and after leaving together 5 years we decided to get married just to help him ligalize status.

What i am expecting? I do not understand why he was with me for five years and he was hidinfrom me that half of the time he is wondering what is he doing with me??? I do not care about getting married i never did. I do not understand y he was with me 5 years, he knew i dont want to get married as well as he didn't he could leave any time... any time were just couple leaving together and he never left???? Y??? Y leave with other person for 5 years and half of time bit myself up what i am doing with this person? If i woyld be just 50% in in relationship longer than feq months that would mean to me that its not a right person to me. Y he stayed 5 years??? Now he didn't say we braking up or anything as well?? I do not understand?? I am in usa myself since i was 19. I feel lonely or confus sometimes. I had really bumpy road before i got where i am. but i made it i am proud of myself.never nothing hurt me as much as this few words he said. I still didn't leave my room.do u have any idea why he was 5 years in relationship with me and didn't leave even all this time he was wondering what is he doing with me?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2013):

Dump his sorry ass!

Get yourself a real boyfriend, who is blessed to be with you, not "wondering what he is doing with you". He can find someone else to give him that green card.

Find happiness, and he isn't it. Sleeping in separate rooms, he sleeps while you ponder his hurtful words.

Anyone deserves better than that!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2013):

Do not marry him. perhaps live together for another year or so, then see how it goes.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2013):

Don't get married to him.

You have far too much to lose.

He really doesn't sound like he is 100 percent sure that he wants to be married to you.

He is doing it for his family and for the green card.

Those are not good reasons to make a lifetime commitment to someone.

If his heart is not in it your marriage will not work and you'll find yourself going through the emotionally and financially taxing process of divorce.

What have you got to gain from this marriage? Nothing. Don't do it.

Keep living with him if it makes you happy but don't make a legally binding commitment with someone who's not sure they like having you around.

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A female reader, AuntyEm United Kingdom +, writes (15 July 2013):

AuntyEm agony auntOk let me get this straight

You been together 5 years

Neither of you wanted to get married

He has told you he doesn't know why he's with you

You are marrying him so he can get a green card

He's told you he could find another girl

???

He's marrying you for the green card...what else were you expecting?

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (15 July 2013):

Sageoldguy1465 agony aunt"Sounds", to me, like he's using you for the coveted green card...

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