A
female
age
30-35,
*iss sunshine
writes:Hello everyone,I'm getting into a situation and i need your advice! Like so many other before me, i'm sleeping with my guy best friend. We are very close and this happened once and we said it shouldn't happen again. Long story short, we sleep together from time to time. I'd say once every month. We set things straight, saying this shouldn't be a habit and that it means nothing and that we only do it because we are both single and want to have fun from time to time.Last night, he asked me if this is ok for me, to sleep with him, since i'm in a position in my life that i feel ready for a relationship. I asked him the same thing and his answer wasn't very clear. Then he said that he is able to control himself. Well, what i want to ask here is this. This guy could be perfect for me and i could be perfect for him. Very often people think that we are a couple when they see us and some friends of me tell me that i'd be better of with him. I know it is a bad idea to sleep with your best friend. I want to know what should i do now that it has already started for over a year now. Should i stop this, or should i go on? Is there any possibility to end up together? I'm confused.
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female
reader, Brandy205  +, writes (21 May 2012):
I was in exactly the same situation as you. I had a FWB for 3 years. We would sleep together from time to time but without the commitment. It sounds like this guy is happy to sleep with you but doesn't want a serious relationship. You've heard the expression: 'Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?' In other words, if he can get sex out of you without having to commit to anything serious then why should things change as far as he's concerned? Sadly, you will still be in this situation in 5 years time if you allow it. I would give him an ultimatum, either he commits to a relationship with you or you just remain friends (without the benefits). It really all depends on what you're looking for at this time in your life, but most importantly of all, you have to do what makes YOU happy. Good luck.
A
male
reader, MrWombat  +, writes (21 May 2012):
 "Long story short, we sleep together from time to time. I'd say once every month."In other words - this relationship is being driven by you and your menstrual cycle. Once a month you get horny, or perhaps lonely, and do the bad thing. YOU are using HIM for sex - not the other way around. If it were the other way around, then it wouldn't be a once-a-month thing.Why shouldn't you be together? Is it him who does not want you two to be together? Then you have a problem - falling into bed every month with a guy who is not available. Is it you who doesn't want you two to be together? Why not?How about, instead of "We are totally not doing this again" (which promise you are only going to break again in 28 days time), try "if we do this again next month, then we are in a relationship and I am moving in".Alternatively: use him for sex, and find a real b/f, and break his heart when you do. You wouldn't be the first girl to pull that one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2012): You have to ask him all these questions OP and you have to make it clear that you're looking for more with him.
If he's that good a friend then he'll give you a definite answer. If the answer is no then can you really see sleeping with him still as a good option?
If you want a relationship then only accept that, if he doesn't want one with you then you need to stop sleeping with him and just go back to being friends so you can find someone else.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (21 May 2012):
The best thing to do is to ask him outright if he is interested in a relationship with you or not. General questions to him will not get you anywhere. Then give him a day (perhaps the next day) to give you an answer and tell him sincerly to consider it. If he still seems unsure or unwilling then find someone for you. You need to get up and make things happen for yourself.
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