A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm getting really frustrated because my family never approve of my bf's. I had an on/off two year relationship with a guy who had a bad reputation but he went out of his way to prove to my family that he was really a good guy, he treated me with respect and would cook my mum meals and make her cups of tea, but whenever he wasn't around she would slag him off. My brother was just as bad until after we broke up when he realised how happy the guy had made me, and although he still doesn't like him he doesn't constantly slag him off. Now I have a new guy and I completely refuse to tell my family anything about him because he's relatively similar to my ex. I'll admit I go for bad boys and people who people generally wouldn't approve of, but I'm not in any danger and I'm being treated with respect by them. It seems whenever I have an argument with my mum she uses my ex as a reason as to why I'm angry, that hewas a bad influence on me and that's why I'm arguing with her. What makes it worse is that she absolutely worships my brother's girlfriends even though they're so similar to my boyfriends. How can I get her to see how unreasonable she's being?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): The best thing 2 do is sit her down nd tell her wat nice guys ur bf's r nd tell her how unhappy she's making u!
Hope this helps!x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): I thought I knew what i was going to say until I read "I'll admit I go for bad boys and people who people generally wouldn't approve of" - I think this tells a lot about why you are in this situation.
You are still young and inexperienced at relationships, whereas your mum isn't. Believe it or not, she probably knows a lot more than you give her credit for and when you are a little older I doubt very much you will be interested in bad boys or a guy who had anything that would make people disapprove of. I think your mum can probably see this as a stage... a stage she is hoping you grow out of soon.
Have you thought that maybe she has a point about your previous boyfriend having made you angry towards your mum? She has obviously seen a link somewhere and I'm sure it has come from somewhere. Did you used to get angry at her before you started dating guys?
Take though, a situation where your boyfriend isn't a "bad boy" and your mum still still doesn't approve, you can simply ask her not to slag off your boyfriend in front of you. I'm sure she can, and will, agree to that as it is quite disrespectful towards you. Obviously you have chosen to be with that guy and whilst your mum is entitled to give her opinion, pointless slagging off will only harm your relationship with her and I'm sure she can see that.
You know also, your mum probably knows a lot more about whats going through your head than you think, she's most likely been exactly where you are now, when she was your age. So when she gives you advice or says certain things, you should ask yourself if there is any truth in it because more than likely, there probably is. And also, she only argues with you because she has your best interest at heart and doesn't want to see you get hurt, remember that when you're next in an argument with her.
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