A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Met a guy who mutually agreed to be friends with benefits with me.Long story short, we hung out at his place the past weekend (our second meeting) and had a great time, it feels. Good sex, good conversation. We really get along. Only problem I think was my side... I was a little awkward with things like cuddling/hand holding. Its my strategy to protect myself from being too attached I guess.In any case, after the event, told him I had a great time. He immediately replied in agreement, stating it was both physically and intellectually stimulating for him to spend time together, and that I should enjoy rest of my weekend. Last night (so it's been about 48-72 since) I asked him to let me know if he's down again... Presumably for this coming weekend.Silence. He's left me on read on the whole day, which is sort of out of character.Is this him rejecting our deal? Was his last message just out of politeness?Would be keen to hear your opinions. Why would a guy ignore me after what seemed like a good fwb first sex encounter?
View related questions:
friend with benefits Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2020): I betting he has a girlfriend. Usually both FWB, your age, have others and are still sowing their wild oats.
If the sex was good, and he didn't have a GF, he'd be back by now. Usually FWB are a once a month romping.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2020): Do not do this OP you are setting yourself up for hurt.
I consider myself to be a feminist, but I am also realistic. Women just simply can’t have casual sex without feelings growing like a man.
When a woman is falling in love two neurotransmitters are to blame for the feelings of love in a woman. Oxytocin and dopamine. These levels will rise in a woman hence making her fall in love. Well guess what happens when a woman has sex - her Oxytocin and dopamine levels rise. Have sex with the same person more than once and a woman will get even greater feelings. It’s biologically impossible for it not to happen. It’s a process that even women needed in the earliest version of humans. They needed to get feelings for men in order to ensure protection/food and security from a Male. You can’t escape it as much as women want to be able to have sex like men.
The neurotransmitters men need to fall in love are rises in dopamine and vasopressin (similar to oxytocin) but decreases in testosterone. When this happens a man falls in love. However, when a man has sex his dopamine and vasopressin and even oxytocin does increase. BUT his testosterone rises instead of decreases. When testosterone increases it actually blocks the affects of vasopressin and oxytocin. Meaning the man can’t fall in love during sex. For a man to fall in love he needs commitment and to see a future with the woman. All it takes for women is sex which is why so many women fall in love with men they just have sex with. Men can too but it’s more because they may grow an emotional attachment to the women and not just through sex.
Again, I do consider myself a feminist. I understand why women think that if men can do it then women can. But biologically it doesn’t work out that way. There are exceptions sure, but these are minimal and women kidding themselves. Motivations for sex between men and women are different as well. Women have sex for emotional reasons, men for physical because that’s how our biology works.
You have had sex with this man once and you are already attached. Otherwise you wouldn’t care if he was ignoring you. A man wouldn’t care and he’d find someone else. It’s not your fault. But you need to be honest with yourself. Stop this OP and move on.
You can try keeping your distance and ‘not holding hands’ as much as you want - it means nothing for a women. You are already showing signs of feelings as much as you will try to deny it. You will get stronger feelings and you can’t escape it. So cut your losses now.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2020): Move on if it ain’t with the right friends with benefits find another buy get to know them more first
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2020): Maybe you're the victim of a hit and run. He has sampled the goods, and that's that.
Although you say you're trying to keep things casual; he may have sensed a very different vibe. He felt you closing-in; and he decided to keep a safe-distance to avoid any misunderstanding of he rules. I think he'd rather call the shots.
There are no attachments or expectations in the extra benefit-arrangement between friends. It's casual, it happens when it happens, and maybe "you don't call him, he'll call you!"
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (28 July 2020):
 I think that maybe he felt the awkwardness after your casual encounter.
Maybe he really liked it and wanted more, but felt like he was being brushed off when you never wanted to cuddle or hold hands.
Maybe he has had his fun and has moved onto the next casual encounter.
There are a lot of maybe's here, because no one really knows for sure what is going on.
He has read your message, and for what ever reason has decided not to reply. I would not go chasing him and sending another text or call, i would leave it and move on.
I would also think long and hard as to whether this is the life you want.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (28 July 2020):
 FWB generally means you were friends first, not strangers who pretend to known each other well enough to know if the other person is being honest.
You don't know him from Adam, OP
Could be that he doesn't REALLY want to be fWB, maybe he just wanted something once with you.
Maybe he doesn't like the idea of you ASKING to meet up again.
He might have been "just" polite.
He might have moved on to the next woman to have sex with.
Or he has a GF.
Who knows? Well, you certainly don't.
I think you are playing Russian Roulette with your life and health here, OP
You GO to his place the for the second meet up in person. A TOTAL stranger with whom you have agreed to have a semi casual sexual thing with - where is your common sense? Your self-preservation?
If you think by not cuddling or holding hand you won't get emotionally attached you will probably realize that that is not how it works. Sex is about as intimate you can get with someone.
Why SETTLE for a fake FWB (because he is NOT your friend) and casual sex?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2020): Friends with benefits rarely works out, very often the woman wants more, promises of commitment, love, promises to get in touch soon etc. The whole idea of FWB is that there are no promises, no strings, no expectations - yet already after just one meet you have expectations. You will say that you discussed how it went and he said he would... but FWB is a casual thing, you do what you want when you want and that can involve lying and changing your mind. There is no point to expecting a guy who is in a FWB thing with you to behave like a boyfriend. For all you know this guy is taking time to think about it, or it is not a big deal to him as it is only FWB or he is seeing if another female is free first and will ask you if she is busy. If you want a boyfriend, lover, partner find one, but do not say yes to FWB when you really want a proper relationship.
...............................
|
