A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Guys, In need of some advice please.The other night i went to a friends party at her house, just a small get together with friends for drinks. anyway at the end of the night my best friend of 15 years and her mum had a full on physical fight, it all calmed down and i helped them, then i took her boyfriend away as she had asked me to so she could sort things with her mum. so i get into her bed, he then comes in, at first i thought he was just being nice, which he was, just talking to me, then he started touching me, trying to kiss me, and wouldn't take no for an answer, he was worrying me, and has a bad temper so i played it cool and laughed it off. my friend sarah then came in and thanked me and told him to stay in the bed a while then go to the sofa, so he was still next to me, he was trying to touch me even with her there, so i asked her to move him as he 'was taking too much room up' which she did. next morning he got up and went away. anyway.... i got home, spoke to my bf about it and he said he doesn't want him at my upcoming graduation meal, so i had to tell sarah about it as she wanted to know why, however, i feel like she is being funny with me and is excusing his behaviour because he was so drunk. how can i speak to her about this without hurting her? he had tried to attack her that night for arguing with her mum and she was still giving him another chance!! HELP...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): thanks. i have just spoken to her and explained again how i can't have him at graduation this weekend. she says 'i still haven't told him yet, he doesn't remember anything, i'll just tell him on the day' she knows whats happened to me in the past!!! why is my 'sister' failing to understand what her boyfriend has caused me!!!! :(
A
female
reader, Fionaisme  +, writes (16 June 2008):
 You are a really good friend to this girl.
I think you should just sit down and tell her what happened. Say that it is up to her whether she believes you or not but you think she would be a fool not to. Say that if you were in her position you would want to know. If she still doesnt believe you after this maybe you should still stick by her as it sounds she is going through a tough time right now. She will dump her boyfriend for something else down the line anyway and she will then realsie what he is like for herself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): You sound like a really good friend, and she's lucky to have you. That said, now you've just become part of all her problems... she's probably jealous of you even if she doesn't want to be. If she asks you for advice on whether to stay or leave with her boyfriend, you can give your opinion, but until then you're best off just nodding your head and asking questions about how she feels about things when she needs to talk.
When she does get rid of her boyfriend (whether tomorrow or after 5 miserable years) she'll be glad that you were truthful and open.
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A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (16 June 2008):
 Put yourself in her shoes. If you were she, wouldn't you want to know your feelings?
Point out to her that you don't want to cause her any heartache or trouble but in view of the friendship the both of you have you felt she would want to know the situation.
Tell her also that you don't want anything to come between you so you want to get everything out in the open with her.
Whatever happens, though, do not shut down communications with her. That would be a bad mistake toward your friendship with her.
I hope this helps. Doc
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