A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Found a phone number among my b/f's things that belongs to his ex from 4 years ago. It's a recent number because I purged all of her numbers from his belongings when we moved in together. He took forever to get over her. Why does he have her phone number now? Don't know what to do. Confront him? We've been solid for 4 years, but I think he still loves her even though she was horrible to him. It concerns me that he may be calling her again, or contacting her family to find out where she's at. Their relationship ended badly and it took him a long time to get over her. This is not a good sign in my opinion. Don't know what to do.
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female
reader, twisted  +, writes (30 August 2008):
 These situations are so crappy. It is so hard to confront someone about these things (especially if you were snooping to find it, like I was). First-if you WERE snooping, you gotta be honest and tell him, but tell him why. If you had reasons to be suspicious, let him know what they were and why. Regardless of how you found it, you have to be sooooo careful on how you go about it. I would feel out the situation. Mention her name somehow and see his reaction. You will earn so much from that. It basically sets the stage for the rest of the talk in my opinion. If he gets defensive or snaps at you, you definitely may have a problem on your hands. On the other hand, there is the off chance this may open some matter-of-fact dialog about how he saw her, or someone in her family and happen to get a number because (insert reason here). However, the unfortunate truth is that it's probably something he's been hiding and it needs to be brought out in the open. Start by mentioning the name and go from there. Brace yourself though, this could be a long, drawn out fight waiting to happen, so don't do it when you have to go somewhere in a half hour or in public.
A
female
reader, squiggle  +, writes (30 August 2008):
He;s with you now - but don't be disheartened - maybe he just doesn't want to lose contact with her. Might seem a bit suspect but just ask him about it and tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable. He should be moving on - you are committed to devoted to him - I would guess? So he should be doing the same - caring about you. The past is the past but we all get over it eventually and if he can't then that's not your problem - you've done all you can and if he still loves her then you should tell him to move on or move out. Harsh but I know what it's like when a boyfriend won't get over an ex. Hope this helps x
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