A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is mainly a question for guys (sorry girls)I have only ever had one boyfriend who I was in a long relationship with. I have only ever slept with one guy. I am now recently single. My views on sex are somewhat old fashioned - in that I dont want to sleep around, I would only sleep with someone who I am in a relationship with and only when I am sure we are heading into "relationship direction". Most of my friends tell me how dated this view is and I just need to chill out and "have fun" but I just can't get into that mind frame to detach my emotions from sex. Simply put: I have my morals and I am going to stick by them and "wait for the right guy". Not that I have anything against people who sleep around - people need to do what make them happy and most people I know sleep around.My question is this: if/when I do meet the right guy, would it put him off that I havent slept around like most other girls? And could it ultimately put him off if I made him wait for sex till I was sure?I recently met a guy I really really liked, and I thought he liked me back too - but things quickly ended when he realised I wasnt going to sleep with him in early days and he has not spoken to me since. I was of course very very hurt by this. My friends said I should just relax and "have fun" till I meet the right guy...but I dont want to do that, its just not me. I havent had sex in about 8 mths - and yes it frustrates me not getting any but I feel I prefer to put up with that frustration than waking up one morning realising I didn't respect myself anymore.Also, I am a model - so by soceity's standards regarded as attractive. Most of the guys I meet just want to sleep with me. The whole dating thing is getting very confusing to me and somewhat disheartening. I dont want to sleep about or be someone's "bit of fun" - just want a nice decent bf - a young man who I fancy, is loyal and likes to spend time with me. But seems impossible when everyone is just wanting "fun" and "sex". Me with me old fashioned mentality in a modern day world - I doomed?By the way - I am not religious, in fact I am atheist. Just wanted to point that out in case anyone made it an issue about religious beliefs etc.Thanks
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 May 2010):
g1605 is right. Women who make a man wait tend to catch the right man, and certainly keep his attention. Women who make it too easy are easy to forget. If you take your time, and continue to try and find the right guy, you'll be the one who gets the better one.
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (10 May 2010):
 I'm not a guy but I'd like to offer my 2c here.
The right kind of guy will never be put off by this. As the anonymous writer said, sticking to what you believe in and what you're comfortable in doing will weed out a lot of guys you don't want anyway.
I had plenty of guys 'dump' me when they realized they wouldn't get to sleep with me soon, too bad for them I say. When I met my now boyfriend, he wanted to sleep with me a few weeks into our relationship. I said no and told him that I wouldn't sleep with him until I was comfortable. He never asked again or tried. I asked him recently why he waited and he said 'you were too great to lose over something like that...you're worth it.'
So there are good guys out there and by sticking to what you believe in, you will save yourself a lot of hurt. Keep to what you've been doing because you'll end up in a much better place.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): It will put some guys off as you know from experience, but those are the guys that you don't want to be with anyway because they don't share the same values as you and probably only want sex.
Stick to your principles and you'll meet a guy that wants to be with you for you, just be aware that some guys will play a very long game to get into your pants.
Ultimately they're your beliefs and if you compromise them to make someone else happy or because society says you should, then you won't be happy and that's the most important thing.
There are plenty of guys that will be only too happy to wait, that will enjoy the cuddling and emotional bonding just as much as any sexual contact. I feel this is the type of guy you are looking for and you will find one, just be patient and remember it's never stupid to be cautious, your friends say you should relax and have a bit of fun, but you know you don't find that fun so their point is moot, maybe it works for them but they need to understand that you need a deeper level of emotion than just the act itself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): Maybe you are very rare in the modeling world but I don't think you are so rare outside of it. Most people end up having more sex partners than you by your age but not always very many more.
There's no reason for any guy to have a problem with your chaste history except for one thing - it's a sign that dating you won't lead to easy no-consequences sex right away. this will weed out a lot of single men, but many of the ones that are left will be thrilled with your history.
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