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female
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anonymous
writes: I met this guy when I was in my first year of university (I was 18 and he was 20). We hit it off right away and spent the entire year madly falling in love with each other. That summer I broke with him b/c I was having personal problems even though I still loved him very much-he took the break up really hard and e-mailed me and called me all the time saying he would wait for me. At the end of the summer we got back together for another year which was amazing and then I ended up going away for 3 mos and us breaking up again b/c we are from different religions and I was so confused about how I felt about that. 8 months later we ended up getting back together and again things were amazing. We were both still madly in love. So now we are both in our last years of university. Out of the blue 3 months ago he broke up with me saying that we wanted different things for the future and that he doesn't love me anymore. I found out that he was seeing another girl but that only lasted a few weeks (right after we broke up). I was totally devastated and acted really stupid-begged for him to take me back. After a few weeks of realizing he wasnt going to change his mind I started going out more and was able to deal with it a bit better. I make excuses to go visit him every 2 weeks or so but most of the time he is just really mean to me-even asked me why I don't just hate him and leave him alone. The thing is...last time I saw him last week he was sooo nice to me which totally confuses me. I have no idea what has changed..I sent him an e-mail the other day saying that I still love him and want to be friends. But he hasn't wrote me back.My question is..do I get over him or fight for him b/c I cant see my life without him? And how do I do either?Thanks
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female
reader, BelieveInLove555 +, writes (11 November 2005):
If I have learned one thing from all my failed relationships-- and we've all had failed relationships-- it's that when a man tells you he doesn't love you and doesn't want to be with you, it's not code for anything. Men don't do that, women do. Men aren't looking to be chased, they are the chasers and he's not chasing you. I know it sucks but going to see him every two weeks isn't helping your self esteem. You're killing yourself, girl! There's nothing to be confused about. Whether he was nice to you the last time or not, if he wanted to get back together he would have asked you. Men are hunters. They go after what they want and they don't give up very easily. If he hasn't responded to your email, chances are when and if he does respond, you won't like what it's going to say. Breaking up sucks. You guys probably have grown apart and I hate to say this, but with everytime you broke up with him his heart got more and more numb to it. I went through that, where I lived with a guy for 4 years that broke up with me twice and totally devestated me. Ultimately, I broke up with him because I just stopped loving him. How could I love someone who could so easily hurt me? I never got over that. I got mad and my feelings towards him changed. Maybe that's what's going on with him. I know you're looking for people to tell you that he still loves you and that he'll come around, but do you really think that? I mean, do you really?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2005): You will love several men in your life, if you are normal, and fortunate, but you will not be able to live with them or make a marriage for any number of reasons, including those that caused you to break it off with this man several times before he finally realized he was not compatible with you. Get over him. Keep the fond memories, and move on. If your religion is so important to you, then restrict your search for possible mates to members of your own faith. Learn from the problems you had. If, however, you have had a change of heart about some of these earlier issues, act accordingly. You may want to sit down with him someplace quiet and talk about your history, and discuss how you now feel about the two of you, as opposed to what you put him through before. YOu may not get back together with him, because he still has his mind made up that the two of you are just not going to work out, but you will learn more about yourself, and about your role in why this relationship went South.
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