A
female
age
41-50,
*riental Woman
writes:Hello,Please,I need your advice.My fiancee would like to try anal sex.I havent tried that with my past relationships.I wanted to try it because I am afraid he would find somebody else who is willing to do that.I love him and I dont wanna lose him.The problem is when he tried to do the anal sex?I feel like I wanted to run and just forget everything about him.I feel like he doesnt respect me at all.The next few days I was really bothered and I always caught myself staring and thinking about what he did.I did asked him why he tried to do that he said he tried it with his ex and now he wanted to try it with me..I dont know if I can but it feels really really painful to me,when he tried it I cried and I feel like he didnt respect me at all.Now he is asking me again if we could do it one more time,when I said no i can really feel that he is sad.I am really sad that he wanted to do whatever he did to his ex.I need your advise,please help me,I love him and I dont want to lose him but then I cant really do it.Oriental Woman
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 March 2011):
 I think you need to be honest with him. Anal is not for everyone. I know MANY women who plain refuses to try it. To even consider trying it and you know what, that is OK!
Just because you can do it, doesn't mean you have to. You COULD also go jump of a bridge or do a 50 foot high dive of a cliff... But you don't HAVE to do it.
He's already tried it, doesn't mean you HAVE to as well.
As I see it, if he wants to leave you over this, he is NOT worth keeping around.
What if... you try it and absolutely hate it? But he wants to keep doing it?
IT IS OK to have some boundaries. Stick to what YOU feel comfortable with.
Saying NO, doesn't mean you don't love him or love him any less. It just means no.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (22 March 2011):
 If you can't do it, then he needs to respect that. Not everybody likes it, and in order to enjoy it you'll need to be VERY relaxed. I have a feeling that will be impossible for you.
I think you should know that him asking for this is not a sign he doesn't respect you. Many men are interested in anal sex with their partners and it means he wants to explore his sexuality with you. However, continued prodding after knowing where you stand IS disrespectful. That's because he is not honoring your feelings on the subject.
What you need to do is tell him about these fears you're having. He should know and communication about how you're feeling because of this will help him understand why he should not push for this further.
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