A
female
age
36-40,
*arkeyedgirl
writes:I was with a guy for six months. He pretty aggressively pursued me, sent me love poems via text for weeks after we met when I was living in a different town, and when I moved there in September for school he was at my door the very first night with flowers. He told me he felt broken, didn't believe people really cared about each other in this world, and asked me to give him something real and to love him with compassion.We were incredibly happy and into each other for ages. We were so in love he held me in his arms and told me he wanted to marry me. He used to tell me how he wanted a house where we both could live with a studio for me to do my painting. Then something changed, he wanted to travel and I told him I had to stay put for school for a little while more. He started to get really distant, he cheated on me once, never did anything to fix it, went to parties every night the next week while I was crying, didn't lift a finger for my birthday, and when he got a last minute job transfer for three weeks he never called or wrote. He told me he didn't need my "drama" left over from his cheating the week before.In the end he broke up with me to stay where he'd been transfered. A ten minute conversation with me sobbing and it was over and he was gone. It was a skiing job in Whistler and he spent the next few months skiing and partying every night and day. He said we would always be friends but never called or wrote, and when he left the country I begged him to meet and say goodbye and he wouldn't. I was absolutely devastated. I'd never loved anyone so much. I could barely eat for two months.Looking back he was a pretty immature person. I would never, EVER have done this to someone. That I'm at peace with. He told me he'd gotten dumped a lot and I guess he was just a dummy.But what eats me alive is that when I asked him a few months later if there was even a single thing he missed about me he said there was nothing.It makes me feel like it was all lies. Within a month of calling me first thing on New Years Day JUST to tell me he loved me he let me go without a single tear, a single qualm, or a single look back.My question is.... do people really feel things in relationships? Or was me falling so crazy in love just because it was the first time? Is it always guarded and shallow when people get older? Do people really love? Do people only emotionally invest themselves in proportion to how much they fit into each other's plans? Is it that cold?Was he right? Do people not care about each other? Is it all self preservation?Is it naive to hope that someday someone will be madly, rapturously, inconsolably, in love with me?Or love me enough to even MISS me when I am gone?Is it normal to have someone let you go this coldly? Because if this is just grown up relationships I don't think I can DO this again!
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female
reader, Justlikeme32 +, writes (2 July 2010):
Awww honey....sometimes men tell us what we want to hear. Not every man is like your ex and I promise there is and will be someone out there for you! The worst thing your doing, in my opinion, is to keep giving that power back to him to make you feel miserable. Stop contacting him, he is never going to apologize for how he made you feel and he is never going to be your friend. But here is the best thing....HE is the one missing out, NOT you!! You are special and unique, you are young, your life is not over and you will have many more relationships. It's all about going through the bad to get to the good, but it will happen. Time heals all wounds....it really does....I know your hurt and angry and it's probably mostly because you would never do that to someone so you can't imagine that being done to you right? It's hard to let it go but you have to, you deserve better than him. You can hold your head high here, the worst thing you did was fall in love. I hope things get better.
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