A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Really need some advice, I have a friend who has gone through some really hard times these past months and I have been there for her, trying to be a good friend. Until a few weeks ago I was quite close to her and we would spend time together,with or without other friends. Now she had met this great, caring, sensitive guy and spends quite a lot of time with him, which is fine, they have only been dating recently. She was introduced to this guy by another friend H. and now my friend and H. are getting really close and spending a lot of time together,talking on the phone daily, they both have more free time than me. My friend says that H. has really helped her through her problems and she feels as though she can talk to her anytime. She knows i'm there for her Ive told her, its great she has H. and they are good for each other but I dont want to be forgotten, I feel a bit put aside for my friends new life. I know ppl meet new ppl and ive told my friend, that it would be good to spend time with her, and H. too, and given her a bit of space. What can i do? How do I get over feeling like the odd one out? the old saying "threes a crowd" feels like me, the crowd..Please help, i just want to spend a bit of time with my friend like we used to, dont want to lose her totally. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): Dear Nth-Wheel Friend,
When things change like you've described, it's hard to keep what was originally there in the friendship.
Something should be said here about attention. It could very well be that she is engrossed in this new romantic relationship, something that should be expected.
Even though you didn't introduce the two of them, realize that the friendship you have with her is just as good as it was before. Resist the urge to rate yourself with her other relationships. It will only lead to jealously even among friends.
That being said, do hold open a line of communication with her, and--if need be--be a shoulder to cry on (or a sounding board for her happiness) with this new relationship. Don't see this as a loss. Look at this new relationship of hers as a net gain for your relationship with your friend. Look for the opportunities to continue to be a friend to her.
Best wishes,
Texan Advice
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