A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my husband since just beore my 18th birthday and im now 26. We have 2 children aged 1 and 5 and have been married nearly 4 years. My husband felt like my soul mate for years until about 6-8 months ago. We moved area away from my family and I got 2 jobs 1 working at weekends. I feel I have drifted away from my husband and feel I only love him as a brother/friend. I feel that my lifes going nowhere and I have nothing to look forward to. We have been out recently 3 times meals, cinema etc and its very quiet its like we dont know each other anymore! I am the dominant one in the relationship but I feel he never makes any effort for me. Its always me which says should we go out or on holiday etc. He would just stay at home all the time. He is 8 years older than me and I feel maybe its that. I feel I settled down too early and need some air. He is a fab father I cannot fault him on that. I have lost about 2 stone lately and the jobs and new friends i suppose have changed my outlook on life. Altough I wish it hadent for all our sakes.I spoke to my mum and she said to talk to my husband before its to late.She thinks it will just right itself im not so sure. I did speak to him 2 nights ago he was devastated and beside himself. He wrote a list of things to do to make it more exciting etc I give him an A for trying to make it right I just feel its a loosing battle.I said I would try and give it another go but physically I dont find him attractive at all and our sex life as gone down the pan.Please help anyone, if you have any suggestions or perpective on this, thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): regarding your weight loss- most of the times with the drastic weight loss, you will start getting more compliments, hey even some may hit on you. you are excited at the attention you are now getting from other men, aren't you?PLEASE do not let this get to your head. just because you are a few kgs lighter, does it mean that your morals are gone as well. you may find it strange that i mention this. why?? This is exactly what happened to me. i have lost 16kgs. I get more compliments, sometimes my clients want to give me a little longer hug (gross), perhaps men think now i am available. at one stage the feeling of being lighter, sexier and more "popular" did make me think that i was better than my hb. i would ask him why he didn't compliment me like the others and continuously tell me i was sexy. my hubby too, maybe like your hb, is not a talker and he doesn't express himself (often) well. i was getting angry and i would also feel unappreciated. did i deliberately demean him.did i deliberately compare him to the other men. I am hoping NOT. i just wanted to be loved MORE, APPRECIATED MORE, COMFORTED MORE. i had to tell him, not once but constantly. will i ever trade him in. NEVER!. just because my life has changed doesn't mean that now i am ashamed of him.i am certain that you are also going though the motions, wanting more. but instead of trying to perhaps look elsewhere how about investing in your marriage and your hb. remember, he accepted and loved you when you were FAT. then he was enough for you. now you believe you are better than him. think very very carefully of what you are asking of him. are you only expecting him to work on the marriage. what are your obligations to him. you may think the grass is betterelsewhere and that with your weight loss you can snag a better man. who knows maybe you will. then if you are only looking for the good times and the exciting times maybe your HB will be better of without you. you see marriage has the good, the bad and the oh, so boring times. do we throw in the towel the moment things get dull.NO. have you tried new things in the bedroom? what investment have YOU made recently in your marriage. i am assuming NOTHING.you have changed and perhaps it is not for the better. you are getting your kicks from the weight loss and this mistaken belief that you can do better than your hb. thread carefully or else you will fall flat on your face. if you feel that no matter what your hb will do you will still be unhappy with him, craving the free exciting life, then just release him. i think he deserves a chance to find the happiness eluding him right now.you are just so lucky to have a man who cares and love you enough to make a list to make things better. its so sad that you cannot see the beautiful man you have. not too many men will do what he did. i know my hubby didn't. what is sad nd the selfishness in you, is that you are too blind to see the unpolished gem you have in your hb. one day when it is too late and he has moved on, then it will be definately too late. cherish what you have and learn to love what you got. just because of the new friends, weight loss and the new feeling of empowerment, doesn't mean you have to turn into a little condescening, demeaning *itch to your hb. you are looking at the shallow life. and the superficial.
A
male
reader, mcclvre  +, writes (10 September 2009):
this is a very common problem. its very difficult to deal with and can be very hurtful on both sides. in my practice this is one of the toughest to fix or answer in a very clear way. your children are what is important and im sure you would agree. divorce is tough but growing up in an unstable family is tougher. i may be able to help but need to know a few things. what attracted you to him in the first place? how long have you not been attacted to him physically and mentally, etc...? contact me at [email address blocked] and maybe we can figure this out
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