A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello.Right. My parents had a rocky relationship, they never should have been togeher. Both messed up people who just added to the problems by getting together. They had me and stuck together for about 3 years for the "child's sake". I have no issue with my parents apart. They are happy apart and in my mind i've never known them any different.But sometimes my mum hates my dad. She thinks he raped her whilst she was a sleep. Mind you, she has no proof and is the lightest sleeper ever. She said she went to bed one night and "could tell" the next day that something had happened because she had leaky stuff coming out down there. Unless she secretly thinks my dad slipped her something i doubt anyone can have sex with you whilst a sleep and not wake up at some point. I doubt my dad did that. He may not be perfect but he's not so much of an idiot to sleep with someone a sleep or drug them up. My mum was abused when she was a child and i think somehow she has found a way to blame my dad whilst they were together for what's happened to her in the past. That he's done something rather than allowing herselr to own up to what has happened to her in the past, that she hide the abuse for so long that it took another form to escape and now she's do fixed that something happened when i don't think it did. Obviously one can never know what happens behind closed doors but i just don't see it. Also why would she not go to the police, why didn't she leave him when she thought it happened????My parents are happier apart and tolerate each other for my sake - that is another thing, if she thought for one moment he hurt her why did she allow him to have access to me? Once an abuser always an abuser etc. She didn't, she let him have me every couple of weekends when he had no legal right to me and had a "hair cut" the day he was supposed to fight for joint care. He had no rights to me, she could have slammed the door in his face and trust me she's mean enough to have done it.I can't change the past. I can't change how they feel about each other. I've accepted the fact my parents will never close. But what i would love is to have a picture of my son and my parents together. I have no pictures of me and my parents, it hurts. They couldn't come to sports day or gradulation, smile for the camera with me for me even if they hated each other's guts. You do that for your kids because its the kid that is important, not whether you can stand each other. Even if i get married, there will be no bride with her parents photos. It makes me want to cry. I know lots of people only have one parent for tons of reasons and it would be ok if that was the case. But i have two parents and i wish they would think of my for once rather than scoring points against each other. I would love my son to have a picture and say "this is me with my grandparents", "this is mummmy with her mummy and daddy". It doesn't matter that my parents are apart, i understand that. But what i can't understand is why they wouldn't do such a simple thing that would mean the world to me. Something that i would cherish forever. Something my child would love. Its not lying, not pretending everything ok. Just saying, this my family, this is who loves me.Am i so wrong to want a picture now you know facts? My mum the one who won't do it. Do you think of the situations like i do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (25 August 2013):
 There are lots of different family groups these days.
Your son will know that your parents are not living together so it shouldn't bother him too much having pictures of them separately.
I think it bothers you more and that this means more to you than it will to him.
I agree with Iamheretohelpyou's advice. You could have a picture photoshopped if you think it's that important.
When my first husband and I divorced I had all sorts of concerns about things that may concern or upset my children, but I soon learned that they just accepted life as it was and the situations that arose.
I was putting an adults perspective onto my kids assuming they would think like me but of course they didn't.
As long as you're honest with your little boy and continue to be such a caring Mum, he'll be just fine x
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