| A
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: 14 months ago me and my bf were in a great relationship. we had so much love for each other it was unreal. however, i fell pregnant. he said he would stick around and support me even though he didnt really want it. anyway, that night he took off. he left me a note saying sorry. i understood why he left. it was to much for him. he had dreams and i nearly ruined them but he kept them alive. the first months of the pregnancy were made easier by my new boyfriend. now, i have had my baby and he has looked after it as if it is his. hes a great dad.now though my ex is back. he came back and i showed him his son, then unpredictabley we had sex. i still love this man.i told my mother and she said i was mental. i want to leave my current bf and go with my ex. but, again, my mother says that my current bf has been like a dad. the keyword there being 'LIKE', hes not the babies father. my sister has said as soon as it gets tough he will take offis that likely? would he do that?am i selfish (or mental) for wanting him back?
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey. GeeGee25 and everyone id like to say we are having a great time raising our son and he aint going anywhere becuase i have a diamond on my finger. We got engaged last week
A
female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (1 June 2011):
 Don't blame us when you end up alone again with 2 kids to raise this time.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have left the man who brought up my son for a few months and we have agreed that in the coming months we will try for another baby so he can catch up on what he missed. Cant wait. the other guy flipped but, hes just selfish and jelous, afterall my bf is the father of my baby
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): first, you say he had dreams and YOU almost ruined that for him?? pretty sure he partook in the act that made you "fall pregnant." it wasn't just you. so YOU didn't do anything.second, he took off when the going got tough. he showed his true colors. and this new boyfriend of yours? he's a real man. taking to another mans kid and sticking around and being there for you when your childs dad was too pathetic to "man up" really says a lot about the kind of guy you're with. you'd be a damn fool to leave him.having a dick and getting you pregnant doesn't make him a father. don't forget that. being a real man and standing up and facing your responsibilities makes you a father. being there and raising the child makes you a father. this new guy of yours...he's the father. this other guy?? he's nothing but a sperm donor.you must be mental.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (14 May 2011):
 Yes, you are mental.
Yes, he is likely to flake again when times are tough.
But the heart wants what the heart wants.
You should let your boyfriend go... there's plenty of single mothers out there looking for a guy like him.
...............................
A
female
reader, IAMDONE +, writes (14 May 2011):
What a complicated situation...You get pregnant by a man, he is told that is the father of your unborn child and he runs away for many months. You meet another man soon after he leaves and he steps up to the plate and plays the role of lover and father to your child and baby's daddy shows up and you have sex with him and realize you love him and want to be with himFirst of all, the father of your child showed you who and what he is when he left you pregnant and had no contact with you. I understand he was scared and he rightly should have been scared, after all, a new life was on the way into this world that he was labeled as the father. Yes, that is scarey when you have just had casual sex and from casual sex came responsibility that he ran from. What a man! What a man! What a man?You meet a new boyfriend, he likes you and understands that with you comes an unborn child that he did not create. He cares enough for you to accept the gloomy fact and still finds enough feelings for you that he decides to step up to the plate and do what real men do!! What a man! What a man! What a man!We have two type of men to compare now...we have a man that runs from his responsibilities and another man that takes responsibility and knows that he needs to do what is right if he wants to have a meaningful relationship with you.I have a hard problem understanding what the problem is and why it is a dilema for you. Ok...lets take a closer look at the paragraph before and what I wrote and analyse things just a little...baby's daddy runs off, new boyfriend steps up and does what a descent man does and you are confused and wonder which man to pick. Well the answer is clear darling...You pick the man that cares for you and your child. You pick the man that has stayed when the other left his responsibility. You pick a man over a boy...you already have one child to raise and you certainly dont need another.The decision of course is yours...you have to think about what is best for you and what is best for your child. I have a real problem with men who jump in and out of the lives of women when they are inm need. Of course, it so easy to be around and hang around when things are great.Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty Susie +, writes (14 May 2011):
 I think you are very confused. And I don't think that the current BF deserves the treatment he has received. Do the right thing by him, and break it off before he and your baby get anymore attached. That's if you want to try again with the ex, but I see further heartbreak for you. When you said, 'we had so much love for each other it was unreal', I think you got it right there. It wasn't real, otherwise he would have stayed by you. What you have with the current BF was real, and you have betrayed him by cheating.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): stay with your current boyfriend trust me your ex would come and leave you again if he did it once he'll do it again.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 May 2011):
I think at the very least, you need to end it with your current boyfriend so he can move on and find someone who genuinely loves him. You've said he's a good guy, and that he's a good father. If you truly mean that, then end it with him so he can be a good boyfriend to another woman, and a good father to his own children. At the very least, you owe him that and it will be better than him finding out you've cheated with an ex. And the fact that in your post you say he's "like a father - the keyword being LIKE" says just how little respect you really have for him. Set him free.
Then you need to seriously sit down and look at your life, because you are not in a good place at all. It takes a very, very unhappy and naive woman to cheat on a loyal boyfriend with an ex who ditched her because she's pregnant. That has to be addressed, because you are now a mother and you owe your child a safe, secure home life. You cannot allow yourself to go from one man to another, to another with this ex appearing now and again.
Also, your low self confidence appears to be clouding your judgement. You didn't ruin your ex's future. It takes two to make a baby, and he was there. Also, this guy deserted you when you were pregnant. And let me tell you straight that there is no excuse for deserting your girlfriend when she's pregnant. It's an act of pathetic immaturity and total cowardice. I mean, seriously, look at what happened here:
He and you had sex and you got pregnant - he never wanted to stick around, so that was the first bad sign.
Then he promised he would stay - only to make a run for it. So that makes him a liar and coward.
Then after 14 months he reappears - only to have sex with you and little else. So he's addressed none of the problems at all, and has shown only that he's interested in getting into your pants.
And now you want him back.
You ask whether he will run away - I would place money on the fact that he will run away again. I'd bet my life on it. He's a shocking man through and through, and a disgrace to the word 'father'.
Would you be mental to take him back? - I'd say that if you did, you'd be letting yourself in for pain.
Are you selfish? No, but you must let your current boyfriend go. If you keep him around, then that would be selfish.
So, there it is. Dump your current boyfriend, then seriously think about whether this ex is worth it. Given than he was a failure before, I suspect he'll be a failure again.
...............................
A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (13 May 2011):
Woman are biologically programed to want their baby's father in their lives, they imagine the fairy tale family with everyone living happily ever after.
What you need to realize is that your baby has a father, (your current BF) that has been there for both of you through everything, and the sperm donor that impregnated you and then took off. I know which one I'd pick...
...............................
|
