A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My partner of 18 years left me for another man. She gave me little explanation and I tried everything possible to resolve the situation but she didn't want to know. After three years she has married this man on the rebound. I desperately trying to get rid of the thoughts of my ex and move on. I do realise that I am scarred from it. I feel bitter towards the way I was treated after 18 years. There has been no contact since the day she left me. Please him me with any advice to remove these thoughts of my ex and help me move on from the hurt and pain I have suffered.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2012): This s a tough one to answer as I am finding it very difficult myself. My husband was with me for 14 years then one day he up and left for another woman. He left all his clothes everything and the only contact I have had is via his solicitors.It left me completely numb so I know how you feel. It is not having any answers that is the hardest part to deal with. It is 4 years on for me now and I am still struggling. I still receive a lot of post for him and little things like this set off the thought process again. I have survived this (just) by concentrating hard on my work which has kept me out of the house more. Also some of the friends I dropped when we were married I have made contact with although it is hard spending time with people who are happy! I have not managed to do any classes at night or anything like that but made myself go to the gym which truly pushed me out of my comfort zone. I now have a better body than I have for years. Initially I went to see a psychologist when he left - just to talk really. I found her pretty useless really but she gave me a great piece of advice that was worth the cost of all the appointments 'sometimes the answer is that you are never going to get the answer'. I have also managed to train my mind to when I think about him this equates to hurt and this does work over time. There is no easy solution to move on from her but getting out of the house more and even chatting and having a laugh with others helps a bit. Experts say it is a month for every year you have been with the peron but for people who never got to have any closure I would say it is considerably more. I hope this answer helps a little and at least let's you know that you are not alone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2012): I.m sorry you this has happened to you. Why not try some sort of meditation? Sgi.co.uk is good,and can help change this. I know it.s hard,but try not to wallow in it,and do get some counselling asap,and see your g.p. What she did was selfish,and unforgiveable. Maybe join some dating websites,and go on dates too,even though you don.t feel like it. I wish you happiness. X
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 September 2012):
 To be left, stone cold, after 18 years, for somebody else, leave a bitter taste in many mouths. if there has been no contact since the day she left I can only assume the divorce was uncontested and there was no settlement, and no children involved.
After three years it is certainly time to move on, and if you are stuck you may need to get some help, look in your local directory for support groups, such as this one; http://www.divorcesupportgroup.co.uk/ and also consider counselling, which will help you develop some strategies to get your life back on track.
Don't dismiss these suggestions or those given by Bond Girl, out of hand. There is so much help and support available, but before they will be of any benefit YOU have to decide to make them work.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (23 September 2012):
 Hi
It's not easy but 3 years is long enough to mourn her and the relationship you had.It feels like you were living with a stranger all those years doesn't it,I have got the Tshirt!.
But, she has set YOU free too, she is no loss really,to be able to walk away from you without a word ever again,her true colours showed didnt they.Its happened its over,now its your turn to find happiness.
So, enough of looking back, start re-building your life.It can be done,step by step,start to think of all the things you would like to do, places you want to visit.Make a list of at least one thing new to achieve every month,then do it. Date, there are so many single women out there,go online or network among friends.Be positive and confident.
She was just one woman, look around you at the thousands of others there are.Dont blame yourself either,in the long run you will probably thank her.Good Luck x
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (23 September 2012):
 There is no way to get over the hurt except to get out, do new things, meet new people, and try to distract yourself from it.
Many of us have been through this and it is not easy, but you have to be proactive in wanting to get through it. You have to want to be happy again. You have to want to get over her. You have to want to try new things and meet new people (men and women)who might have similiar interests as you. Until you decide you are done with being miserable, you will continue to be miserable.
Getting over my ex was very rough also. We were together 7 years and I thought he was the love of my life. It took me two years to get over him and figure out how to live again. What helped me the most was doing things I normally would not do, attending events I normally would not attend, and taking in interest in all people (men, women, young, and old). Anytime I would feel sad, I would take off to the library, go for a walk, go bike riding, or go someplace where I could be around people. I got on relationship blogs and met other people. I read books on how to be more positive and get my life back.
There are lots of things you can do if you are willing to do them. Some mourning is good...you have to do it, but there is a time when you don't want to sit around and think about what you lost anymore. That is when you decide you are going to do something about it.
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