A
male
age
36-40,
*wardson10
writes:My fiancee just broke up with me last week and ive done NOTHING wrong but she wont see that. The thing that ended it between us is because she found 2 letters in my Outbox to a girl a day before we began even talking to one another and she got upset that i wanted to get with this one girl but it didnt work out.Well anyway, shes coming to my house in a couple days to pick up a few clothes and things of hers and to drop off the ring, my question is should i be there?Part of me wants to be there so that if she needs to talk or wants to apologize(being hopeful) ill be there for it, but part of me dosent want to because i think it will be hard to see her again because ive been doing good the last few days and seeing her might break me down again.What should i do?
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male
reader, kevintps +, writes (6 August 2009):
Yes you defiantly want to be there. I ended things with my ex fiancé 2 1/2 months ago and she had a change of heart when she finally realized it was over. She had stuff of mine and hired a detail cop when she came to get her stuff. She figured she was going to get all her stuff and the cop was going to stop me from stopping her. I'm now dealing with court issues, still trying to get the $5000 ring back along with her cleaning out our joint bank account along with other things. I got cleaned out of about $20,000 cause she's pissed! So protect yourself and play it smart.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): Wow.
You were engaged to be married, and she saw fit to break up with you purely on the basis that she found e-mails you had sent to another girl BEFORE YOU TWO EVEN BEGAN TALKING TO ONE ANOTHER?
As much as I'd usually kneel at the altar of Satindesire and Honeypie's wisdom, I must admit I can't figure out for the life of me why your fiancee feels any hurt whatsoever at the thought of anything you might have contemplated BEFORE you two got together, or even spoke to each other. As for 'keeping the e-mails', you didn't, you just never got round to deleting them, as many people don't.
You're right, you've done nothing wrong. Whether this relationship is worth saving is another matter. Firstly, you don't sound TOO bothered...if you were utterly heartbroken and devastated, you'd be desperate to see her. More seriously, you need to take on board the apparent fact that yourself and this girl are perhaps not quite cut out to marry one another.
If the relationship was generally wonderful to the point of both parties committing to one another for the rest of your lives, it seems a little odd that one party would elect to end it on the basis of something that occured before you ever spoke to one another. I've a hunch that she may have broken up with you for another reason, but it may well have far more to do with her internal psychosexualpolitics than anything you've done wrong.
Decide for yourself how much you want to be with her, how much joy or misery you're signing up to, and see how she feels. I'd certainly urge you to talk to her, preferably face-to-face, rather than spend nights of regret wishing you'd tried to. Almost certainly, she wants you to be there. If not, she'll let you know. (The entire drama may well be a 'test' on her part to see how you two interact after a few days' absence, a challenge to prove your love. Be honest with yourself and decide whether you were devastated or relieved at her absence.)
If this relationship really is everything to you, please don't let it be another episode in the tragic human catalogue of love affairs that end senselessly through lack of proper communication. 'Love letter, go get her, go tell her, go tell her' (Nick Cave)
Hope it works out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): You should definatley be there. If there is hope that you two could get back together then go. Explain to her properly and hopeully she will see sense. Get a bunch of flowers for her or something to show her how caring and lovable you are. Don't give up exspecially not if you've done nothing wrong. Keep trying to win her back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): even though your girlfriend is totally over reacting, you should be at the house when she comes because by then she might have calmed down and you might be able to save your relationship :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 May 2009):
 Honestly, I can see why she is hurting.. You tried to get with another girl a DAY before you two got together? And not only that, you KEPT the e-mails.
I think you should call or text her and ask if she would prefer for you to be there or not if you aren't sure.
You got over your fiancee in a couple of days?
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