A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I was wondering whether someone could give me their opinion on what my ex boyfriend's recurring dreams mean?Ok, so to explain the situation. My ex and I have been in each other's lives for the past eight years. For the last year it was sketchy as to what we'd actually become and frequently discussed the fact we'd really just evolved into best friends (no longer sleeping together). Despite his lack of desire to sleep with me, I knew he was very disheartened about his career and assumed things would improve with us and we'd get back to normal once the rough time passed. A few months ago though, I found out he was having an emotional (non-sexual) affair with a friend of his. He'd been spending time with her and lying to me about it. Anyways, we've had many many conversations since I found out and are working through the issues.. acknowledging the truth about where we stand in each other's lives.. and how we got into the unhealthy situation we did. We're still deciding what's going to happen and whether we face a future together. We have been extremely close and shared so much history.. too much to just walk away from completely. We have been like each other's family. Anyways, so here's my question. Over the past few years (long before the affair began and totally unrelated), he regularly talked about the recurring dreams he'd had about me. They always have the same theme - we're on a boat together and I jump overboard.. or we're in a room full of people and I disappear. The common trend is that he loses me or I get into trouble somehow and he does his best to try and find me or rescue me and always fails. The dream ends with him waking up and feeling upset because he never manages to get to me or to save me from whatever's going wrong. When I found out about him lying to me last year and I told him I couldn't have him in my life anymore (I had thought the situation was MUCH worse than it actually was at the time).. anyways, over the three months we didn't talk.. he began having another recurring dream, which would happen about once a week over this time. In this dream, he's inside a building, which has a long corridor filled with empty doorways. At the end of the corridor there's another doorway to a room that I'm in. I'm in the room talking to other people. When he sees it's me in there, the door suddenly slams shut.. along with all the other doors in the building. The whole building them begins shaking violently. He then rushes to try and get to me, but the door to the room I'm in is locked, as are all the other doors. He becomes terrified, as he's trapped and all he wants to do is get through that door to get to me. As he's trying to get into the door to the room I was in, he feels this unknown force pulling him back, stopping him from getting to the door.. and as he tries to yell out to me, all that comes out is muffled sounds.. like his voice is disguised.Ok I REALLLLLY would love to hear your thoughts on what these dreams mean. I know that regardless of last year's events, that my ex does love me. He hasn't been in a good mindset over the past couple of years though.. and this has affected his decisions and judgement. I would love to hear what you think these dreams mean.Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): I totally agree with everything you're saying and that's what I've said to him as well.
Thanks heaps for taking the time to write. Hopefully I can give you some anonymous advice on here if you ever need help or have a dilemma in your own life :)
A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (9 April 2010):
 I'm glad that made sense to you and your situation :-)
It is facinating how much can be gleaned about persons deepest thoughts from a pile of seemingly nonsense subconscious dream imagery, ... but that is why it can sometimes be helpful to ask anothers thoughts, coz if we are consciously aware of everything about ourselves and had no need for some idea's on insight, our mind would probably not be gurging it up in dreaming states to begin with.
It's our inner selves way of slapping our outer self in the head and saying hey, pay attention, know thyself lol.
I hope it gave your ex some food for thought and poked him along the path a little towards understanding himself and or moving through this - whatever the destination is to be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): Wow.. NOTMYNAME, that is amazing! Thank you for taking your time to give me such a fabulous, articulate response.
He thinks the house was mine or at least similar.. so a very flash house, not an old decrepid one.
He's been suffering depression for a long time and could never open up to me about his feelings. Since the affair, he's been more honest and communicative about what had been going on in his mind. He'd been worried for years that he was not worthy of me, because he was emotionally shut down. He used to feel guilty all the time that I was so "sweet, happy and loveable" (he said) and he couldn't give me those things back. He wanted to show how he feels, but couldn't express it.
Prior to the affair, our relationship had evolved into more of a 'father/daughter or brother/sister' relationship, where I always relied on him for advice and help instead of working to solve the dramas in my own life.. and he never talked to me about what he was feeling in his.. so it grew unhealthy.. hence how the affair happened. But this has snapped us both back into reality and made us look at what's there.. and that we're two good people who just got into a bad situation over the years.
I'm sure he does love me more than a friend. He said last year that he thought he only felt for me as a friend.. and I was sure it was the same for me. We were always together, but the intimacy had died.. but he said when this girl started talking about having a relationship with him.. (and he had only thought of it as a close friendship), he realised he wanted me all along and wanted to get back what we once had. He then spent the next few months (without me) going through all the same stuff I did.. night sweats, not eating.. weight loss.. typical signs of someone whose grieving for a lost love.
That's more of the situation anyways.. sorry to bore :) Thank you so so much. I really appreciate your interpretation.. there's a lot of truth in what you've said. I'm going to send it to him, as being a typical guy, he'll not look for the meaning himself.. he'll just put it to the back of his mind lol.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (5 April 2010):
In dreams - Water typicaly represents emotions, ... so wether the water is rough or calm may be telling as to what was coming out of his subconscious as an idea of how either himself or you would feel inthis situation.
In any case, you jumping overboard reperents the ability to emerse yourself, eg: confront, and deal with whatever is thrown at you. Not saying that is easy, only that it is percieved in his mind that you dont back down to confrontation and adversity. Sounds like you are a strong woman or at least viewed as one even if subconsciously. He also may recognize that he has put you through an emotional ringer when he see's you immersed in water.
Dissapearing in a room full of people may be indicative of his innate awareness that he does not 'SEE' you! The inner core of you! Of course he see's you physically, .. but does he see you emotionally, mentally, spiritually? Translated in to reality aspects, ... Perhaps he feels you have progressed beyond him as a person beyond and he finds it hard to stay on the same page.
Buildings of any description can oft be atributed to being about the dreamer themselves, ...so a run down derolict squalor could typically crop up for a depressed person, ... a mansion for diverse people who grab life by the horns and milk it for all it is worth, .. hidden rooms are uncovering aspectts of one's own psyche, etc...
A corridoor with empty rooms, brings to my mind a man searching for something more, but not even knowing what it is that he is looking for. All paths lead somewhere tho right?, ... and his corridoor leads straight back to you! I would say he see's you as his future - even if he does not know that yet!
The doors slamming shut, building shaking around him, sounds to me like his very foundation getting a shake up, ...and dare I suggest he is challenging his beliefs, needs, wants, ...all of which can be pretty scary stuff to confront - hence why we somtimes explore things in dreaming states - including fears we would never want manifest) until our conscious mind is ready to recognize, analyze and process this.
Dreams typically reoccur to draw our conscious attention to things we shut safely away in our subconscious, .. but when something is biting ya, the theme will keep being repeated until you pay attention, figure it out, process it, and then let it go. So safe to say thie situation with you weighs heavily upon his mind.
Anyway, .. I would say this 'force' pulling him away from you when all he really want is to get to you, is his conscious mind (your comfortable and safe), ... but really it's an expression of his subconscious mindset about where your relationship is at. He tries to communicate, ... but he can't, .. or is not heard. Does this perhaps sound like reality to you?
I think this guy is hooked on you and little wonder with an 8 year history, ... see's you as part of his future/ or altenrnatively has not yet adjusted to a long held view that you just would be which seems to be no longer happening,... wishes he could/ or did communicate his feelings and thoughts to you - this connection could have meant a very diff position in your relationship, ...tho he may not consciously recognize this or know how to open up to you. (sharing his dream with you tho is a form of extending that connection)
I do believe he does love you, ... tho it may just be as a friend, and all this is his mental process in letting you go. I do believe he is confused about what ou are to him, - hence all this repetative subconscious regurgitation in the form of dreams.
I do not claim to be a dream interpretor - tho it is something I oft do with positive feedback - so I hope my little spin on things makes some sense to you both :-)
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 He probably had insecurity problems and it played up in his dreams. His had this fear of losing you .Now that this has come to pass.
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