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Everybody hates my hair!

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Question - (31 July 2011) 7 Answers - (Newest, 2 August 2011)
A male Jamaica age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm not really sure if this a a newsworthy question but I could use some advise.

I'm, black, 21 and in college (living at home) and I live in Jamaica and I'm currently growing my hair but for some reason everybody wants me to cut it.

In Jamaica when someone's hair could use a haircut, people will always ask "Are you planning to get dreadlocks?" to indicate that it doesn't look very good. Believe it or not, many Jamaican's don't like dread locks, they find it gross and untidy. I don't really mind it, it's no big deal really. I even thought about doing that but my mother made it very clear she would kick me out of the house if I did.

Actual dreadlocks aside, the REAL problem is my friends, family and even strangers harass me to cut it. Almost every summer since I was about 16 or 17, I've tried to grow my hair but as soon as it reaches a certain length and I start looking like a "Rasta-Man" they start with they comments and urges for me to cut it and I usually give in and do it, just so I can be left alone.

This summer however I am determined to grow it, but alas, people are still persuading me to cut it as if they are disgusted by it. In Jamaica if your hair doesn't curl or is wavy and what-not nobody is interested in seeing it high, because to them it's not "pretty". In the past when I was younger I had weak issues with being black, but now I am very proud of being black and I want to show it more, but apparently many people around me aren't as comfortable, I mean, it's obvious.

My hair does actually curl by the way but It's more visible when wet, but wet hair doesn't last long in this hot climate. People love my hair when it's short because I have strong waves but when it's high they hate it. They make me feel like I'm doing something wrong or I should be assumed of apart of myself, but I'm not. How do I deal with the pressure of my own family and friends and society wanting me to cut it because they think I look terrible.

NB: I wash and treat my hair almost everyday, I keep it clean. I don't comb it much however, because honestly I my head gets really tense when i do and think It looks worse when combed...sometimes.

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (2 August 2011):

As a woman I'm dealing with this too. My hair is at my butt and people get on my case about it all the time. Thing is, some of these girls spend 500 bucks on hair extensions. My hair is all natural and well taken care of. So in my opinion, if you take care of your hair, get the dead ends snipped off when they show themselves they got no right to complain.

Do what you like; it's YOUR hair. Everyone wants to be special, that's why people who are different often get kicked down. The ones that don't get harassed just know how to stand up for themselves. So stand up for yourself.

Tell them: "it's MY hair and MY choice what to do with it. Live and let live. I'm not imposing my opinion about your wardrobe on you either."

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011):

Thanks much for the advice guys!

I feel much better about my decision to grow my hair, it'm mine after all and I only get to live once.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011):

It is your hair, and you should do whatever you want to it. It should not bother you what other people think. Like a lot of other people have said you can't please everyone. And one thing about many people who don't know you is that they always look for something to hate on, even if your hair was short. You only live once

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011):

You can't please everyone. Do what makes you happy. You can always cut it short later if you want to, it's not permanent, so in the mean time, keep on growing it and see if people get used to the look. maybe you will start a trend?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011):

You need to watch that HBO special "Good hair" by Chris Rock. It's all about what black women in America perceive as acceptable....perms ..weaves...sodium hydroxide chemicals. Very entertaining.

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A female reader, VSAddict United States +, writes (1 August 2011):

VSAddict agony auntHonestly, you shouldn't give a crap about what people think about your hair. You are you and only you can decide what looks good to you and what doesn't. So stop worrying about what others think and look the way you want. You're an adult now, so don't let others guilt-trip you to do other than what you want.

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A male reader, GoodDog United Kingdom +, writes (1 August 2011):

GoodDog agony auntHey - I've got long hair and I get stick about it all the time!! "Why don't you get it cut? Why grow it long?" etc.

I just laugh and tell them I do it for me and ask would I look better being like all the other blokes walking around with shaved heads, tracksuits and bright, white trainers!!!

In this day and age you'd think that people wouldn't comment on things like hair styles or clothes, etc especially when we are surrounded by so many different styles and designs.

Don't let it bother you. Nothing wrong with being individual and different from the others.

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