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male
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I am confused about my relationship with my cousin sister. I am 24 and when I was around 18, my cousin came to my house in holidays. She was a bit older than me but we shared a very good understanding. We had fun time together and at times we really craved for each others company. At a moment we came so close that we were about to lose our inhibitions. But my parents warned me about my behaviour and so I pulled off. We developed a deep bond between us. Later she got married and went on with her life. I felt a sense of loss but put on a brave face about it. I started focussing on my life as well and started to look for relationships with other girls. However, whenever my cousin visited my house or we had a conversation in private, I felt she still had the feelings for me and that melted my heart and I still sort of can't get her thoughts out of my mind. I am not sure if she is happy with her marriage but she definitely cares for me the way she used to before and that has made me confused about my own life. I want to create some space in my heart for someone else but I don't seem to find someone who even comes close to her and that has sort of stopped me to think about having a relationship with a girl. I try to find her in girls that i meet and I get disappointed. I know I can't live with her thougths in my mind forever and at some point I need to find a partner for myself as well.What do I do?
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reader, pops +, writes (13 August 2005):
Practice patience. It took a long time for your cousin and you to develope that close relationship. It will take a long time to find that kind of relationship with someone new. Of course you will compare a new girl to your cousin, since you had such a positive relationship with her. Just give the new girl(s) a chance. Listen to them, and find ways to have fun with them. When they relax, and are comfortable being around you, the relationship will improve.
A
female
reader, StonePrincess +, writes (12 August 2005):
 Well, It is not usual to like your cousin. Studies actually show your immediate family is least attractive, but cousins or more attractive then strangers.
I and many of my friends if they truthfully admit have had strong bonds with their cousins and felt shall I say a very strong attraction.
You will have to let her be however because she is married, but yes I'm sure she still feels for you, but maybe someone who is alot like your cousin isn't so bad to start looking for, just remember to love them also for their atrobutes that are different not just the ones you happen to like about your cousin.
It's not wrong to look for a mate compared to someone you might have liked in the past, because this is an imprint on your mind telling you traits you like in your mate.
Other studies even show that,although it sounds gross, girls tend to pick men like their father, or brother or any male influence that happened to be close to them.
You can still stay friends with your cousin but sense there were strong feelings, you cannot ever really be that close again sense she has moved on, now it is your turn, but you needn't forget her completely, just remeber the good times and perhaps look for someone with traits similiar to those you valued in your cousin.
I hope this helps.
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